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having sex with my husband and my lover

gracielas

By gracielas
in Infidelity

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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Red123 Established Member

Red123

Posted
Posted
No, I'm not the OP. I'm not currently in an affair. You can look up my past threads if you would like. I'm not posting on this thread again. My apologies for making anyone trigger. I was trying to point out to the OP that affair sex is different from regular sex and that's why she's having issues with sex with her husband. Affair sex is fantasy sex. I'm confused on why so many BS's are getting so defensive about my post. You want truth, but it's obvious not many can handle it. Yes, the A has ruined my sex life, but my H and I are trying to overcome it. If we can't, he and I will look into getting a D.

 

I wasn't commenting on your post at all I literally got confused because it looked like the poster was answering then you were in her place that's all. I have had a really long day so it was just my brain issues not the thread.

harrybrown Established Member

harrybrown

Posted
Posted

OP-

 

help you H out. Tell him you have an open marriage and forgot to tell him.

 

Go find someone for him to have fun with so it will be totally open.

 

then give him a D and do not ask for alimony or property in the D.

 

Tell the OM's wife so everyone can know the truth.

 

Expose your Affair far and wide. Tell you children if you have them. They will not mind you being happy.

 

you would not mind your H having an affair would you since you started the open marriage without him, and do not like sex with him anyway, would you?

10thengineerharrison Established Member

10thengineerharrison

Posted
Posted
Good for you!;) Just because I've cheated doesn't mean I deserve cheap shots.

 

Correct. You don't deserve cheap shots. The affair entitlement does.

 

Of course I'm going to defend myself if someone insults me.

 

My intention wasn't to insult you.

 

My H knows the truth about everything. He's the one I betrayed and he's the only one who has the right to judge or be angry at me. I'm NOT in an affair anymore. Your assumptions about my H are complete BS. He has never lived his life revolving around my needs.

 

I'm not sure how you'd know this, coming from an unfaithful perspective. All waywards rewrite their own history. That's not meant as an insult either, just an observation that it's very hard for someone in that situation to be objective about it.

 

I'm not sure where you got your information. He and I had a good talk about our sex life and possibly divorcing last weekend. I'm 100% honest with him. I find it amusing that you bash people for not being honest and then you turn around and bash me for being honest. It just proves that no matter what you do, you still can't do anything right if you have cheated before.

 

It is difficult, yes.

 

Seriously, please don't respond to my posts again. I was trying to stay on topic until you and the other poster picked my post apart for no apparent reason other than to insult me.

 

Again, I don't mean to insult you, just the affair. I chose to stay married to my own FWW, and it would be foolish for me to be willing to do that and hold the affair over my wife as if she's damaged goods for the rest of her life.

 

I'm glad you and your H are working together to decide what you want. I hope the OP does the same.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

  • Like 2
violet1 Established Member

violet1

Posted
Posted
Correct. You don't deserve cheap shots. The affair entitlement does.

 

 

 

My intention wasn't to insult you.

 

 

 

I'm not sure how you'd know this, coming from an unfaithful perspective. All waywards rewrite their own history. That's not meant as an insult either, just an observation that it's very hard for someone in that situation to be objective about it.

 

 

 

It is difficult, yes.

 

 

 

Again, I don't mean to insult you, just the affair. I chose to stay married to my own FWW, and it would be foolish for me to be willing to do that and hold the affair over my wife as if she's damaged goods for the rest of her life.

 

I'm glad you and your H are working together to decide what you want. I hope the OP does the same.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

Thank you for this post, but I don't want to thread jack the OP's thread. I only posted in hopes of helping her see what she's putting herself through. She's the OP and my initial post was to her. I found it very insulting that my post was picked apart the way it was especially when everyone here demands truth at all costs.

 

Many WW's have a difficult time being sexually connected to their H during and/or after the A. I want the OP to understand there is a difference between affair and marital sex. So many people seem to think it's the same. Realistically speaking, how many couples in a LTR plan out a tryst at a motel/hotel, outside or in a car? Affair sex is all about opportunity. Plus, you feel adrenaline caused by the risk factors. It's new and fresh, but the sex is not how it would be in a normal relationship. There's no comparison between the two. BTW, I'm ashamed of my actions and I'm not proud that my A has hurt the sexual connection in my M. This however, is not what this thread is about.

 

OP, unless you become a pro at lying and compartmentalizing, you'll have a very hard time enjoying sex with both men. Living the dual life was exhausting for me. I wish you the best no matter what path you choose.

  • Like 1
bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

Posted
Posted
It might sound odd, but i am a good wife. I have tried for 8 years to make everything perfect, all good, to be caring and devoted. if u would ask my husband, he would tell we have the most happy marriage. everybody consider us a family model. i do feel guilty, otherwise wouldn't search for answers here..

 

Could have fooled me. If your a good wife then I would sure as hell hate to meet a bad one.

 

One thing you proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, you got real long arms so you can pat yourself on the back. Now do your husband a favor and pull the knife out of his back and set him free so he can find a real woman.

  • Like 2
Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
Posted

sorry to burst anyone's affair perspective bubble BUT my H and I made love at least twice a week during his affair....down from 4 times a week and I chalked it up to new, high-pressure job stress. ( She was a co-worker, so HAHA!, right?)

 

We could NEVER keep our hands off each other, ever.

 

So when I read of new, intermittent, always WILLING, sex partner....I get it...I REALLY do. Who wouldn't???????

 

ONLY what he WANTED was me twice a day....not her. He wanted MY undivided attention, flattery, sexuality.

 

he, unfortunately, NEVER told me that but after the affair, I figured it out...:laugh:

 

Clear the decks...take time away....lie in each other's arms....talk like lover's do....satisfy each other.;)

 

If you two TOGETHER can figure out what the AP gave and then give it to your marriage....the SKY is the limit.

  • Like 4
revelations Established Member

revelations

Posted
Posted
No, I'm not the OP. I'm not currently in an affair. You can look up my past threads if you would like. I'm not posting on this thread again. My apologies for making anyone trigger. I was trying to point out to the OP that affair sex is different from regular sex and that's why she's having issues with sex with her husband. Affair sex is fantasy sex. I'm confused on why so many BS's are getting so defensive about my post. You want truth, but it's obvious not many can handle it. Yes, the A has ruined my sex life, but my H and I are trying to overcome it. If we can't, he and I will look into getting a D.

 

Violet1 the thing is that a BW and a BH look at parts of an affair differently, certain aspects of an affair will hurt a BW more than it will a BH, likewise a BH will be hurt more about another aspect than a BW will. Now as a BH myself the sex thing is a real trigger. Just hearing about fantastic sex that the WW had with OM is very hurtful. Often times we want that same fantastic sex, however it is never offered to us. Other times we are unsure that we even want fantastic sex with our WW (if we had stayed). In my case my WW had no connection to her OM, so she was willing to do a threesome for him, which lasted over a three day weekend. Now because she was still in love with me she was unwilling to do something like this for me. So she had sent a clear message to me, which was people that she was not connected to gets all the fun sex, and someone like me who she is in love with gets basic sex if I behaved. A woman may see nothing wrong with this and feel it is normal. However men or a BH will find this to be very cruel.

 

The same thing goes for most BH's even when the WW only had fantastic sex with OM and nothing crazy was involved. Mainly it has to do with the BH not feeling attractive to his WW or that he is not worth it to her. The BH feels that he is missing out on something that his WW will freely offer OM but deny him. Now the real reason may be different, however it does not change how the BH feels. Think of it this way, I can describe to you how to weld. You can read all the books on how to do S.M.A.W or G.M.A.W or any other type of welding. Now you may know everything about welding, however you are still not a welder. You are missing out on the actual welding experience. So if you were to try to weld for the first time it would be very sloppy and never pass an X-ray test. Same thing with a BH and the fantastic sex you have with OM. You can describe everything, however your BH has not had that from you. He will have his feelings and they will remain until he is able to have the experiences you have shared with OM. Not to make it a man vs. woman thing, however this is what most women miss out on. To most men sex is a participation sport. It is not something we are okay with you reminiscing with us about past events with OM or past lovers that we will never share with you. For most men we want to be the one in the show, not hearing about others that got to be the show. So just know this is why the sex thing can be such a trigger with BH's and actually some BW also. I will never be a husband again, not because I am unable to commit, it is because I will not be the one that is settled for.

  • Like 3
Man Mountain Makino Established Member

Man Mountain Makino

Posted
Posted
how can u have two sexual relations in the same time?

I know it can be done, but it can't last long without it all ending badly.

 

You have already displayed poor judgment, so the odds are against your judgment improving.

 

Keep going like this and it will end poorly.

 

Tell your husband and make a decision as to what you want, and follow through.

  • Like 2
oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

Posted
Posted
sorry to burst anyone's affair perspective bubble BUT my H and I made love at least twice a week during his affair....down from 4 times a week and I chalked it up to new, high-pressure job stress. ( She was a co-worker, so HAHA!, right?)

 

We could NEVER keep our hands off each other, ever.

 

So when I read of new, intermittent, always WILLING, sex partner....I get it...I REALLY do. Who wouldn't???????

 

ONLY what he WANTED was me twice a day....not her. He wanted MY undivided attention, flattery, sexuality.

 

he, unfortunately, NEVER told me that but after the affair, I figured it out...:laugh:

 

Clear the decks...take time away....lie in each other's arms....talk like lover's do....satisfy each other.;)

 

If you two TOGETHER can figure out what the AP gave and then give it to your marriage....the SKY is the limit.

 

Read my post above. I said men and women in affairs are different. Men CAN have an affair and maintain a completely active and normal sexlife at home indefinitely.

 

Women often can't. Some can of course and some can maintain it temporarily out for the most part if a woman is having an affair or hooking up with multiple dudes, she will lose her desire and respect for her H and their marital sexlife will suffer.

  • Like 5
Just a Guy Established Member

Just a Guy

Posted
Posted

Hi Folks, The OP left a long time ago and the rest of you are flogging a dead horse!! Cheers!

  • Like 1
karnak Established Member

karnak

Posted
Posted
Hi Folks, The OP left a long time ago and the rest of you are flogging a dead horse!! Cheers!

 

Most cheaters will do that unless everyone validates their opinions.

  • Like 1
Spectre Established Member

Spectre

Posted
Posted (edited)

I just find it nasty. I mean, okay if someone is going to cheat on me fine, but don't be banging me and some other dude on the same day. I would hope and pray a woman would walk away from me before doing that..because like I said, EWW!

Edited by Spectre
DasPope Established Member

DasPope

Posted
Posted
I'm afraid there is kind of an apples-to-oranges thing going on here. A man can love one woman and still hav recreational sex with others and not lose desire or affection or respect for his wife. A guy can screw other women for years and never treat his wife any different and she can be completely thunderstruck when she finds out.

 

Women on the other hand are wired different. When men cheat they often simply want some additional fun and excitement on the side to augment their marital sexlife.

 

When women cheat it is often to fill a void or to find an upgrade.

 

.

 

I found myself a wife that cheated like a MAN !

:laugh:

michelangelo Established Member

michelangelo

Posted
Posted
I just hope she wasn't sleeping with both the OM and her husband on the same day, because that is nasty.

 

cheating wives do this routinely. I know this firsthand.

 

yuck

Robert Established Member

Robert

Posted
Posted

If the thread starter would like this thread reopened then alert on my post and we will do so.

 

Thanks

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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