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having sex with my husband and my lover

gracielas

By gracielas
in Infidelity

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Clay Established Member

Clay

Posted
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What is it about the sex with your husband that is not satisfying you?

 

He is not the man she is in love with. So he will never be the man she wants sexually. She clearly does not feel a ounce of guilt over the heartache is going to do to her husband once he finds out. She should offer he Husband to go sleep with other women so at least his needs will be fulfilled. Who knows he might actually fall in love with someone that really wants to be with him and he can leave and live a wonderful happy life with someone that will love him back the way he deserves.

 

Clay

  • Like 1
WasOtherWoman Established Member

WasOtherWoman

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It might sound odd, but i am a good wife. I have tried for 8 years to make everything perfect, all good, to be caring and devoted. if u would ask my husband, he would tell we have the most happy marriage. everybody consider us a family model. i do feel guilty, otherwise wouldn't search for answers here..

 

Well, call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the above constitutes someone being a "good wife", LOL.

  • Like 6
giblesp Established Member

giblesp

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It might sound odd, but i am a good wife. I have tried for 8 years to make everything perfect, all good, to be caring and devoted. if u would ask my husband, he would tell we have the most happy marriage. everybody consider us a family model. i do feel guilty, otherwise wouldn't search for answers here..

 

I'm not implying you're a bad person. I don't know the full story.

 

Going by what you said here, your marriage is now over. I have been in your husbands position, when he finds out it will feel like he has been killed.

 

The sooner you dissolve your marriage and move on, the better it is for everybody. Otherwise, you are living the life of a cheater and I'm sure you're better than that.

  • Like 2
Betrayed&Stayed Established Member

Betrayed&Stayed

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What is it about the sex with your husband that is not satisfying you?

 

It most likely has something to do with the fact that Husband is living in real-life, and the AP is living in fantasyland.

 

Taking care of the house, yard, cars, kids, working, and paying bills is not very sexy. It's hard to have sex for 3 hours with kids knocking on the door, the dryer keeps buzzing, and someone needs to go to the store to pick something up for dinner. You know, real-life stuff?

 

How can your husband get a fair shake in the bedroom if your head is filled with dreamy OM during sex? Your husband can't compete with that.

  • Like 3
beach Established Member

beach

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i always thought that especially for a woman, sex is about mental frontiers. therefore, one who is good or who is bed, doesn't exists. just one who allows more.. i cannot make it just out of a duty, as I just find out. so, how to allow two men to have sex with me?

 

You seem to already know how to "allow" two men to have sex with you.

 

What question do you really want to ask?

 

 

Since you don't very in tune with your emotions - how about searching down deep inside and being honest with yourself - and those here?

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No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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It might sound odd, but i am a good wife.

 

Nope. Good wives don't cheat.

  • Like 12
Waverly Established Member

Waverly

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how can u have two sexual relations in the same time?

 

I couldn't. Some people are able to compartmentalize and have two different sexual relationships. I wasn't one of those people -- once my A started, I stopped having sex with my husband. We were rarely having sex anyway, but the affair brought it to a grinding halt. The A is long over, but my sex life with my H is still pretty dead in the water because my heart isn't in it.

 

I'd try to think about whether you can really sustain the A like this or not. I'm not going to judge you for it (glass houses and all that), but affairs are awful. I don't have any advice for you, really, other than look around at what you're doing before you get even deeper into the whole mess.

  • Like 1
TheBladeRunner Established Member

TheBladeRunner

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Nope. Good wives don't cheat.

 

All I ever asked my former WXW was that if she was no longer interested in the M that she tell me. We could either try to work it out or part ways. Regardless, I think anyone should end an R or an M before they resort to cheating......it's just not a nice thing to do to someone.

 

I'm with you NoLimit, "good" spouses and SO's don't cheat.

  • Like 2
10thengineerharrison Established Member

10thengineerharrison

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i always thought that especially for a woman, sex is about mental frontiers. therefore, one who is good or who is bed, doesn't exists. just one who allows more.. i cannot make it just out of a duty, as I just find out. so, how to allow two men to have sex with me?

 

What the hell's a "mental frontier" and what could it possibly have to do with sex?

 

I look forward to the day that your husband finds out about your affair and realizes he could do a lot better by starting over with someone better.

 

You are not marriage material, so why stay married?

 

I feel for the man you're lying to. I couldn't care less about what happens to the Nimrod you're cheating with.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison.

  • Like 3
Betrayed&Stayed Established Member

Betrayed&Stayed

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which would be then the right question?

 

"Why did I flush a good marriage and a good husband down the toilet for sex with a stranger that I met on the internet?"

  • Like 7
violet1 Established Member

violet1

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But you can find the time to have sex for 3-4 hours with OM?????

For one, my H would never have sex with me for 3 hours at a time. It's not his style. Second, we have schedule conflicts. The other problem is my H and I are not sexually compatible. I'm hoping we can find a compromise, otherwise I'm going to have to end the M.

10thengineerharrison Established Member

10thengineerharrison

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Thanks, but my H knows everything, including my issues with sex. Read people's back stories before you fire out insults. Thanks. :-)

 

After i read this, I went back a page and "liked" endlessabyss' post. I needed to.

 

I look forward to the day that your husband realizes his life doesn't have to revolve around "meeting your needs". Then, you'll be able to divorce amicably.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison,

  • Like 3
jnel921 Established Member

jnel921

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If you want multiple sex partners you should have never married. Spare your h and tell him about your A. Give him the opportunity to choose who he wants to be with, you or start over and have sex with someone else too.

  • Like 4
violet1 Established Member

violet1

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After i read this, I went back a page and "liked" endlessabyss' post. I needed to.

 

I look forward to the day that your husband realizes his life doesn't have to revolve around "meeting your needs". Then, you'll be able to divorce amicably.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison,

Good for you!;) Just because I've cheated doesn't mean I deserve cheap shots. Of course I'm going to defend myself if someone insults me. My H knows the truth about everything. He's the one I betrayed and he's the only one who has the right to judge or be angry at me. I'm NOT in an affair anymore. Your assumptions about my H are complete BS. He has never lived his life revolving around my needs. I'm not sure where you got your information. He and I had a good talk about our sex life and possibly divorcing last weekend. I'm 100% honest with him. I find it amusing that you bash people for not being honest and then you turn around and bash me for being honest. It just proves that no matter what you do, you still can't do anything right if you have cheated before. Seriously, please don't respond to my posts again. I was trying to stay on topic until you and the other poster picked my post apart for no apparent reason other than to insult me.

  • Like 1
dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

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Affair sex has destroyed sex with my H. I'm no longer in an A and I'm trying so hard to reconnect sexually with my H, but it's not been easy. The fact is, affair sex is out of this world because of the newness, excitement and risk factors. I would meet with my exMM and have sex for a good 3 or 4 hours. With my H it's not possible because we have a real life with real life responsibilities. We don't have time to spend that many hours in bed together. This is another reason A's suck. I'm actually considering D with my H now because I don't know how to connect with him sexually anymore and it's causing huge problems in my M.

 

 

Thank you for a very honest, however painful and difficult to read, statement on this. Best wishes for a better future for your husband...and you.

  • Like 1
jnel921 Established Member

jnel921

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Thank you for a very honest, however painful and difficult to read, statement on this. Best wishes for a better future for your husband...and you.

 

I agree....if my H had said that or wrote that Where I could find it...I would file for D. The A destroyed our M. It does affect your sex life. Makes the WS less desirable.

 

Perhaps if the WS work harder at making the BS feel more desired this wouldn't be the case.

  • Like 3
xtymorgan Member

xtymorgan

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As the married spouse of a man who's currently having an affair...I am very interested in the answers to this post. I've often wondered how on earth my H can be having sex with me and her at the same time (although he denies the sex, I don't believe him for a minute). I wonder how he can be in love with two people at the same time (I found text messages on his phone wherein he professed his love for her yet he still says he is in love with me too).

 

If he truly loves me, how could he be in love with someone else? On the flip side, if he truly loved her, how could he still be sleeping with me (we are physically separated but still being intimate)?

 

Please explain how this can happen?

  • Like 1
Red123 Established Member

Red123

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Yes, my H knows about my A. He knows everything! Read my past threads. Thanks for your judgments when you know nothing about me and my situation. My H and I are currently in reconciliation and we're trying to figure out what's best for us. Truth hurts, but at least I'm telling the truth.

 

I'm so confused I thought the thread starter was Gracielas

But now violet is responding. Am I just dense or did you change names? Sorry if its just me.

Red123 Established Member

Red123

Posted
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Nevermind. I am dense. Lol just figured it out. Long day.

snappytomcat Established Member

snappytomcat

Posted
Posted
As the married spouse of a man who's currently having an affair...I am very interested in the answers to this post. I've often wondered how on earth my H can be having sex with me and her at the same time (although he denies the sex, I don't believe him for a minute). I wonder how he can be in love with two people at the same time (I found text messages on his phone wherein he professed his love for her yet he still says he is in love with me too).

 

If he truly loves me, how could he be in love with someone else? On the flip side, if he truly loved her, how could he still be sleeping with me (we are physically separated but still being intimate)?

 

Please explain how this can happen?

morgan im so sorry you are living in this nightmare.

simple answer is he loves himself first,and wants to keep you on the side in case it doesn't work with the ow,kick his azz to the curb,let her deal with his crap for a while,im sure she will get tired of him.

do the 180 plan it really does work,i never even heard of the 180 plan when my dday happened,i kinda of just did some of it,maybe by instinct?i don't know,but he was begging me to take him back

violet1 Established Member

violet1

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I'm so confused I thought the thread starter was Gracielas

But now violet is responding. Am I just dense or did you change names? Sorry if its just me.

No, I'm not the OP. I'm not currently in an affair. You can look up my past threads if you would like. I'm not posting on this thread again. My apologies for making anyone trigger. I was trying to point out to the OP that affair sex is different from regular sex and that's why she's having issues with sex with her husband. Affair sex is fantasy sex. I'm confused on why so many BS's are getting so defensive about my post. You want truth, but it's obvious not many can handle it. Yes, the A has ruined my sex life, but my H and I are trying to overcome it. If we can't, he and I will look into getting a D.

  • Like 4
Spectre Established Member

Spectre

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hi,

 

i have a 8 years marriage and everything goes fine.

a year ago i have met a guy in one of the couch surfing meetings for whom i felt a lot of attraction. after several months decided to take contact to him and very fast we started an affair, as we both wanted. It was a sex matter, without this affecting my marriage in any bad way, but after some months of dating this guy ( we are now together for almost 8 months), we fell in love with each other.

we have great sex and as there are feelings involved, everything is growing better.

the problem is, however strange it sound, I do love my husband. I would never go for an extra relation which directly affects him. but from the time i felt in love with the other guy, i am not able to have good sex with my husband. or i must pretend it is ok, just not to hurt him. even if i split with the guy i`m dating, the situation stays the same.

how can u have two sexual relations in the same time?

 

Contrary to popular belief, you can't be in love with two people at once. If you weren't having good sex with your husband you should of talked to him about it instead of having an affair.

 

Tell him what you did so he can find someone better who won't treat him the way you do.

  • Like 2
oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

Posted
Posted
As the married spouse of a man who's currently having an affair...I am very interested in the answers to this post. I've often wondered how on earth my H can be having sex with me and her at the same time (although he denies the sex, I don't believe him for a minute). I wonder how he can be in love with two people at the same time (I found text messages on his phone wherein he professed his love for her yet he still says he is in love with me too).

 

If he truly loves me, how could he be in love with someone else? On the flip side, if he truly loved her, how could he still be sleeping with me (we are physically separated but still being intimate)?

 

Please explain how this can happen?

 

 

I'm afraid there is kind of an apples-to-oranges thing going on here. A man can love one woman and still hav recreational sex with others and not lose desire or affection or respect for his wife. A guy can screw other women for years and never treat his wife any different and she can be completely thunderstruck when she finds out.

 

Women on the other hand are wired different. When men cheat they often simply want some additional fun and excitement on the side to augment their marital sexlife.

 

When women cheat it is often to fill a void or to find an upgrade.

 

Men cheat to get additional and they may not treat their wives one speck differently (some obviously do, but not all)

 

Women basically cheat to upgrade or replace and quickly lose affection, desire and respect for their H.

 

Many women even stop having sex with their H all together because they feel like they are cheating on their OM.

  • Like 8
Spectre Established Member

Spectre

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I just hope she wasn't sleeping with both the OM and her husband on the same day, because that is nasty.

  • Like 7
oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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No, I'm not the OP. I'm not currently in an affair. You can look up my past threads if you would like. I'm not posting on this thread again. My apologies for making anyone trigger. I was trying to point out to the OP that affair sex is different from regular sex and that's why she's having issues with sex with her husband. Affair sex is fantasy sex. I'm confused on why so many BS's are getting so defensive about my post. You want truth, but it's obvious not many can handle it. Yes, the A has ruined my sex life, but my H and I are trying to overcome it. If we can't, he and I will look into getting a D.

 

I can't condone your past or current actions but I do believe your posts offered insight and relevance to this thread. I think you did a good job of explaining how a WS can feel about sexuality with their H post affair.

 

That information will make some people extremely uncomfortable and defensive/aggressive.

 

While your insight and info was hard to read, some of us do appreciate your honesty and contribution.

  • Like 11
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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