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having sex with my husband and my lover

gracielas

By gracielas
in Infidelity

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gracielas New Member

gracielas

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hi,

 

i have a 8 years marriage and everything goes fine.

a year ago i have met a guy in one of the couch surfing meetings for whom i felt a lot of attraction. after several months decided to take contact to him and very fast we started an affair, as we both wanted. It was a sex matter, without this affecting my marriage in any bad way, but after some months of dating this guy ( we are now together for almost 8 months), we fell in love with each other.

we have great sex and as there are feelings involved, everything is growing better.

the problem is, however strange it sound, I do love my husband. I would never go for an extra relation which directly affects him. but from the time i felt in love with the other guy, i am not able to have good sex with my husband. or i must pretend it is ok, just not to hurt him. even if i split with the guy i`m dating, the situation stays the same.

how can u have two sexual relations in the same time?

man_in_the_box Established Member

man_in_the_box

Posted
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You should explain your husband that having sex with this other guy is the way you like it. Obviously your affair partners technique is just splendid and I'm sure your husband is eager to learn! Perhaps invite the two over so they can discuss face to face.

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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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You seem to be asking the wrong questions. There is no way this can end well.

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gracielas New Member

gracielas

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You should explain your husband that having sex with this other guy is the way you like it. Obviously your affair partners technique is just splendid and I'm sure your husband is eager to learn! Perhaps invite the two over so they can discuss face to face.

 

I am sorry. i believe i've might explained this wrong. of course, i cannot tell my husband about the affair. indeed, with the new partner is all good. but it was so at the beginning with my husband. so it is not about a wrong technique

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gracielas New Member

gracielas

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You seem to be asking the wrong questions. There is no way this can end well.

 

which would be then the right question?

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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What's wrong with your husband that caused you to look for an affair?

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giblesp Established Member

giblesp

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Sorry to say that your marriage is over, as you are betraying your marriage vows and partner. You do not seem to be guilty about this, merely wondering how you can continue deceiving people for your own needs.

 

You're not ready for a relationship. You are lacking basic empathy and until you develop this, you will be hurting people. Eventually you will become an empty person.

 

You don't love either of these men.

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gracielas New Member

gracielas

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What's wrong with your husband that caused you to look for an affair?

 

I guess nothing is wrong with my husband. All this time i considered it was smth wrong with me. In some way, now i am accepting the situation.. that's the problem: noting is wrong. or seems not to be..

hoped the discussion will help answering those questions to myself

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gracielas New Member

gracielas

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Sorry to say that your marriage is over, as you are betraying your marriage vows and partner. You do not seem to be guilty about this, merely wondering how you can continue deceiving people for your own needs.

 

You're not ready for a relationship. You are lacking basic empathy and until you develop this, you will be hurting people. Eventually you will become an empty person.

 

You don't love either of these men.

 

It might sound odd, but i am a good wife. I have tried for 8 years to make everything perfect, all good, to be caring and devoted. if u would ask my husband, he would tell we have the most happy marriage. everybody consider us a family model. i do feel guilty, otherwise wouldn't search for answers here..

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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It might sound odd, but i am a good wife. I have tried for 8 years to make everything perfect, all good, to be caring and devoted. if u would ask my husband, he would tell we have the most happy marriage. everybody consider us a family model. i do feel guilty, otherwise wouldn't search for answers here..

 

 

I'm sorry but I don't believe that you feel guilty. If you did, the question wouldn't be " how do you be with husband and side guy ' at the same time.

 

 

I'm not sure you'll find too many people eager to give you advice on betrayal .

  • Like 5
Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

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how can u have two sexual relations in the same time?

 

It is easy. You allow two different men to have sex with you.

 

My situation is much like yours. My wife is not very good at sex, and my affair partner is an Olympic gold medalist at sex. One I do out of duty, and the other I do out of passion.

ChooseTruth Established Member

ChooseTruth

Posted
Posted
hi,

 

i have a 8 years marriage and everything goes fine.

a year ago i have met a guy in one of the couch surfing meetings for whom i felt a lot of attraction. after several months decided to take contact to him and very fast we started an affair, as we both wanted. It was a sex matter, without this affecting my marriage in any bad way, but after some months of dating this guy ( we are now together for almost 8 months), we fell in love with each other.

we have great sex and as there are feelings involved, everything is growing better.

the problem is, however strange it sound, I do love my husband. I would never go for an extra relation which directly affects him. but from the time i felt in love with the other guy, i am not able to have good sex with my husband. or i must pretend it is ok, just not to hurt him. even if i split with the guy i`m dating, the situation stays the same.

how can u have two sexual relations in the same time?

 

You can't, especially in secret. You risk illegitimate children and put both partners at STD risk...and one of them unknowingly so. To really connect with someone you need to be fully honest with them. One thing I've heard is that you can have multiple partners if you are fair to both, but being fair to both is impossible so...

  • Like 1
dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

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My two cents is you can't "love" your husband and be having another secrete passionate loving sexual relationship. Maybe you could if he knew and approved (polyamorus life style) of your other lover. Next time you meet secretly with your lover - imagine your husband watching you from a hidden camera - imagine the look on his face - and ask yourself if he would see "your love" for him.....or would he see something else ?

 

Now lets switch the conversation to something more practical - things seem to be going very well with OM - great sex, connection, and now love. So why not just divorce your husband and marry him?

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oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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Your scenario is following a natural course in that as your affections and desires shift to your OM, you lose desire and respect for your H.

 

You are having new, hot and exciting sex with your OM, while your relationship with your husband plummets and goes stale.

 

This is why it is called is called "CHEATING".

 

Mother Nature really didn't design women to be in love with and have romantic/sexual relationships simultaneously with two men at the same time and have them be equals.

 

The only way you can have sex with multiple men and have it be OK, is if you have a primary sexual relationship with your husband and have occasional and purely recreational sex as part of a consensual 3some with your husband on brief temporary basis with the other guys.

 

(And even then many people don't believe that will even be ok)

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gracielas New Member

gracielas

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I'm sorry but I don't believe that you feel guilty. If you did, the question wouldn't be " how do you be with husband and side guy ' at the same time.

 

 

I'm not sure you'll find too many people eager to give you advice on betrayal .

 

yes. the main problem i have right now is regarding sex. so i put it in this way. your question in the same time is a bit false. "be with husband and a side guy" isn't just a nicer way of telling the same thing?

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gracielas New Member

gracielas

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It is easy. You allow two different men to have sex with you.

 

My situation is much like yours. My wife is not very good at sex, and my affair partner is an Olympic gold medalist at sex. One I do out of duty, and the other I do out of passion.

 

i always thought that especially for a woman, sex is about mental frontiers. therefore, one who is good or who is bed, doesn't exists. just one who allows more.. i cannot make it just out of a duty, as I just find out. so, how to allow two men to have sex with me?

oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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Be advised that whenever starts being treated differently by their spouse and start getting a cold shoulder and feeling somewhat disconnected, the first thing they are advised is to look for signs of there being someone else and 99% of the time they find the affair.

 

Your affair has become quite developed and quite involved and there will be a lot of pain and chaos when it is discovered. You will do your best to cover up, deny and rugsweep as you, but the damage has already been done.

 

Even if your husband does want to reconcile rather than kick your butt to the curb, it will be very questionable whether your marriage will survive.

 

You are trying to have your cake and eat it too. It's just a matter of time before you choke.

 

My recommendation is to see a counselor on your own to help you sort out your feelings and determine your feelings whether you want to remain married to H or leave the marriage for the OM.

 

Once that determination is made then the counselor can help you disclose your intentions to your H in a manner that will cause him the least amount of pain and destruction or how to break up with your OM and reconnect with your H.

 

If you continue to try to balance both, you are basically a runaway freight train hauling chemicals and nuclear weapons that is going to fly off the track and cause immeasurable destruction and pain for everyone.

  • Like 6
nightmare01 Established Member

nightmare01

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Could you LOVE your husband and yet be slipping poison into his food with every meal? This is exactly what you are doing.

 

I believe some would say this is possible. But its not a kind of love I would wish for.

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Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

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Okay, so let me make sure I understand this correctly...

 

You love your husband. You are apparently a good wife. You met a strange man with whom you were attracted and began a sexual affair. After 8 months, you've found yourself in love with this new man and it's affecting your sexual relationship with your husband. Now you want to know how you get to keep your husband AND your lover and live happily-ever-after?

  • Like 3
violet1 Established Member

violet1

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i always thought that especially for a woman, sex is about mental frontiers. therefore, one who is good or who is bed, doesn't exists. just one who allows more.. i cannot make it just out of a duty, as I just find out. so, how to allow two men to have sex with me?

Affair sex has destroyed sex with my H. I'm no longer in an A and I'm trying so hard to reconnect sexually with my H, but it's not been easy. The fact is, affair sex is out of this world because of the newness, excitement and risk factors. I would meet with my exMM and have sex for a good 3 or 4 hours. With my H it's not possible because we have a real life with real life responsibilities. We don't have time to spend that many hours in bed together. This is another reason A's suck. I'm actually considering D with my H now because I don't know how to connect with him sexually anymore and it's causing huge problems in my M.

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Red123 Established Member

Red123

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yes. the main problem i have right now is regarding sex. so i put it in this way. your question in the same time is a bit false. "be with husband and a side guy" isn't just a nicer way of telling the same thing?

 

Is the OM married as well or single?

Bryanp Established Member

Bryanp

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Would it be acceptable to you if your husband had a lover and great sex on the side also behind your back as well? Does it bother you at all that you may be putting your husband at risk for STD's? Does it bother you at all that this affair may be found out and your husband will divorce you and find someone else down the road to have a life with? If none of this bothers you then continue to do what you are doing. You are probably on a rode to self-destruction. What do you think would happen if you husband does find out?

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oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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I would meet with my exMM and have sex for a good 3 or 4 hours.

 

 

With my H it's not possible because we have a real life with real life responsibilities. We don't have time to spend that many hours in bed together.

 

 

 

But you can find the time to have sex for 3-4 hours with OM?????

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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What is it about the sex with your husband that is not satisfying you?

Charlie Harper Established Member

Charlie Harper

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You have to Divorce, you are headed to a very painful future and your husband (that you love) is too.

 

I know because I have been cheated on and I know how a A can destroy a M, and then I did like you did, I choose both sides of the coin, and I lost...

  • Like 2
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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