sugarlove Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 Yes always. But He didn't show up when I was happy... I guess He wanted me to learn and judge for myself who is considered a life partner. After my divorce, I was left with 3 young kids. My exhusband was rich and I didn't have to work. When I got out, I've no experience, no place to stay and no job. But God was wise and He provides when I have nothing at all except the will to fight and the strength to stay sane. He brought into my life, friends whom I've lost contact since I was alienated from them by my exhusband. These friends contacted me when I didn't contact them in years. One by one, they found temporary work for me just so I can get the experience I needed. Eventually, I found work paid higher than anyone else with my level of experience. Without God's grace, how could I have done it all on my own? ----------------------- Wth my current ex bf, I was deeply in love with him. To the point I felt I couldn't understand why the break up happened. I haven't been been praying since I was with him, he was born a catholic but he doesn't believe in God. I was lost. If you've read my first few threads, I was a complete mess. I couldn't understand how God could have given me a wonderful man only to have him taken away like this. My friend called me once day while I have been crying all day. She showed me an online video sermon which was so inspiring and spoke to me. I realised I haven't been a daughter of God, haven't trust him enough. ONe day, I was sitting in front of my computer and something just came into my head. I typed my exbf userid and his password. Unsure if it'll work. It did. It was almost too easy to hack into his gmail. And I saw all the emails and LinkedIn notifications from women he has tried to chat up with since DEcember. This man whom I thought was the best thing to ever happened to me turned out to be a sexting cheat with a dirty fetish. Still God wanted me to see what I had to see. But my heart was doubtful. It took me while but I started to accept that some things in life aren't meant to be and that what was truly good for you can't be taken away unles they are there to teach you a lesson. I believe that He is a God that provides and whatever He provides is sufficient for me. He won't let me suffer unless it's for a higher reason I don't know yet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Priv Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 I didn't but my ex did. Somewhere in the first half a year or so she dreamt about her grandmother (who is with God) telling her I have no demon in me. Kind of unsettled me so always stuck with me. Well... she left telling about me the horror of our RS and the terrible person I was. Maybe she misheard No more signs for me plz. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanessaVanessa Posted July 31, 2014 Author Share Posted July 31, 2014 I realize at times that we are not in a place a minute too early or late than we should be. However it probably doesn't feel that way most of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
SadNLonley Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Last July I had a breakup that ripped my heart out. It was so horrible that after many months of crying uncontrollably and not getting better I yelled at God and asked him to just take my life because i didnt understand how he could let me suffer this way for so long. Well, obviously he didnt take my life. During this difficult time ive done everything in my power to try to get myself back together. Ive never been like this before and knew i had to work on ME to get past this. Its all internal in my head and that was my goal. A few months back i decided to try to get back into the dating world. I thought that would be the best thing to help me get past my ex. Ha. Someone much more powerful than me had other plans. I just knew He was not ready for me to date. There were 5 different men that either I met or knew and had possibilities of dating and each and every instance was blocked for one reason or another. Its like there is a wall around me that wont allow another man in my life right now. I took that as a major sign and took down my online profiles and really started to figure out what was going on with me. Im still working on it, but Im also not out persistently looking for the next man in my life. Im starting to think that when He is ready for me to date that he will place this man in my path so that we meet at the right time and right place. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Last July I had a breakup that ripped my heart out. It was so horrible that after many months of crying uncontrollably and not getting better I yelled at God and asked him to just take my life because i didnt understand how he could let me suffer this way for so long. Well, obviously he didnt take my life. During this difficult time ive done everything in my power to try to get myself back together. Ive never been like this before and knew i had to work on ME to get past this. Its all internal in my head and that was my goal. A few months back i decided to try to get back into the dating world. I thought that would be the best thing to help me get past my ex. Ha. Someone much more powerful than me had other plans. I just knew He was not ready for me to date. There were 5 different men that either I met or knew and had possibilities of dating and each and every instance was blocked for one reason or another. Its like there is a wall around me that wont allow another man in my life right now. I took that as a major sign and took down my online profiles and really started to figure out what was going on with me. Im still working on it, but Im also not out persistently looking for the next man in my life. Im starting to think that when He is ready for me to date that he will place this man in my path so that we meet at the right time and right place. This same thing happened to me. BU end of Dec. Thought I was ready, wanted to be ready. Got online. Every contact I would feel sick to my stomach or doors would close. One I was really connecting with but she lived too far way. She was beautiful and a Dr. but I just did not have the energy and would end up crying as things got more intimate. I ended up shutting it all down and just prayed to God..."my main focus is to be the best father to my son and a mentor to men/women in recovery (sober for 11 years)....money and women are ancillary. I will give those things to you. You provide them as you see fit, when you see fit." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 As I mentioned, BU happened end of Dec. NC since except for moving coordination. 4th of July weekend I saw my ex at LAX airport. We were both on the same flight back to Texas. Sat 2 rows in front of me. This past week I came home and noticed a book in my book shelf had been pulled out about 5 inches. This was the same book that I had with me and read on the plane. Inside the book was my boarding pass I had used as a book mark. I finished the book while on the plane. I asked my friend and my brother if they touched the book because they were the only ones in my home since that weekend. Neither of them knew what I was talking about. I pulled the book out and began to read it again. It is Gab Bernstein "Adding More ING to Your Life". I took some notes on the highlights I had made while reading the book. Many of the references were of "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson which is a break down of "A Course in Miracles". Not sure what all this means, but I have been journaling and praying about it. I put a few things in my "God Box" and have turned them over to my higher power to work on.... To be continued... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 I took that as a major sign and took down my online profiles and really started to figure out what was going on with me. Im still working on it, but Im also not out persistently looking for the next man in my life. Im starting to think that when He is ready for me to date that he will place this man in my path so that we meet at the right time and right place. I think you're very wise, SNL. Are you involved in a church group? If not, I would recommend getting connected with other believers. It's so easy to get lost when we're alone. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
SadNLonley Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 I think you're very wise, SNL. Are you involved in a church group? If not, I would recommend getting connected with other believers. It's so easy to get lost when we're alone. :/ thanks Pie2. I think im wise too Here is the funny thing, im not a church goer. I believe in a higher power, but dont study anything. Maybe not a bad idea to consider. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanessaVanessa Posted September 14, 2014 Author Share Posted September 14, 2014 I find myself grasping the belief that we (my ex and I) were not compatible in the end in a logical and factual type of way. But I find myself still not comprehending/ accepting the reality in a spiritual/emotional type of way. Especially recently I have proof that he said untrue things to me during our break up, that therefore his apology throughout it was not completely genuine. The trust that was once there has gone. I can think of many reasons to let go logically or practically, but letting go of the sentiments that I had, the ones that remain, letting go of the spiritual-like feeling of abandoning something I had, at least in my mind, built up hope with... It's becoming impossible and I have really been trying, and it's getting too much. The worst part is basically being certain that he hasn't realized what impact he has had in close to a year now (11 months) since the split. It's as though I need some sort of a validation maybe, still perhaps on a level from something higher. I don't know if I am wording right or making sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VanessaVanessa Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 I can't honestly say what this is but for the past week I have felt unwell in a different sort of way. Starting last Thursday I have felt very tired (even though I've had enough sleep), had a weird headache sensation throughout the days, felt a bit of nausea and been feeling a bit dehydrated as well as anxious. I went to the doctor even a few days ago to have some tests done. It's a weird state of being unwell that I have never felt before, not so much as severe as it is odd. Well yesterday in the mail I got a letter from my ex. I have not opened it as of yet, am waiting a few more days, trying to process it I suppose. I havent known from him in just over one year. Sometimes I wonder how the body can react to certain unknown events which in some way are associated with oneself. I know it sounds weird. But I wonder if my body is feeling this way ahead of what I might read in his letter. Even before I had any idea that it was arriving. I haven't been on this forum in months. Link to post Share on other sites
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