firefly2613 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 It's been awhile since I posted here. Been doing pretty great lately, just have some concerns. Summarized version of my story: I dated my first love for three years and then she met someone she believed to be the love of her life, so she dumped me and married him a few months later. I was shocked because she had only just turned eighteen. They seemed very happy, last I checked (a long time ago). I've met a girl now and we're taking it slow. It's been over eight months since the breakup. I'm not counting the days or anything. This girl has a painful past of her own. It helps us to bond in this shared pain. I quite like her, but I find I am afraid of trusting her, because I was very badly hurt by my ex. I was wondering if this was a normal occurrence and whether it would eventually pass over time. Maybe I'm still not fully over it?
RDawg Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 You're probably not over it. It must have been pretty devastating. Love is always a risk. You can never know what will hapen but try not to sabotage your new relationship by worrying about it too much. Just enjoy her and dont repeat the mistakes of the past.
dclan Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) Hi mate! I've been reading your posts for a while now (about ur ex dumping u,getting married, etc.), and they really helped me, cause I was on a similar situation. So let me try to cheer u up. My situation was pretty much the same as urs....she dumped me, dated someone new within the month, and she almost got married to some random dude she just met. I am now dating, a new girl, for over 7 months now. You are now having trust issues. So did I. The reason was simple: u gave years of ur life for a person, who on a whim, simply walk away, found a new "soul mate" and got married. That kind of situation feels like a HUGE betrayal!!! Its not really that she dumped u what hurts, but the part that she married someone else, and even more so, because she did only 2 months after you broke up. It makes NOOOO sense at all. So what happens? If someone you loved, could hurt you THAT much and be so insensitive, then you obviously feel that someone new, that you barely know, will hurt you even more. The truth is, your ex was a damaged person (so was mine)...the simple fact that she married someone within 2.5 months is proof enough. Don't be afraid of trusting her...she might be nothing like your ex. Seriously, YOUR ex was the problem. You shouldn't let your experience with her, ruin your new relationships. I had the same problem with my new gf. As soon as we started dating I felt like she was just going to hurt me the way my ex did. But for now...she has been the sweetest thing that could ever happen to me. We've been dating only for a few months now (7 months), and yes at first I also had trust issues. But eventually, the more I got over my ex, the more I could open myself up to this new person. And now things are going great. So cheer mate, and go ahead, eventually your heart will open itself, its not something you need to force. Edited June 3, 2014 by dclan 2
lovehurtsme91 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I guess the trust issue comes with the territory with what you have gone through and it is understandable. You're afraid, who isn't if they went through the same thing you did? I guess my advice to you is it is alright to guard your heart so that you won't get hurt the way you were but do not guard it so tightly that it will cause you to lose the girl you are seeing now or any other girls you will be seeing in the future. Guard your heart and just enjoy the dating phase, you will eventually open yourself to her when you are ready.
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 I just got out of a relationship where he thought he could let me in, where he wanted to (or at least claimed to) The only advice I can give. Is don't ask for more than you give. Don't ask her to open up and let you in and trust that you will stay and be around. If you can't do the same. In the end it will become very one sided. While it is okay to guard your heart. It is not okay to tangle someone else's heart up in that guarding. You need to communicate to her how you feel so that she isn't getting in over her head.
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