loulopi Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 dated a girl for 7 months. 5 years older than her. i found out she was doing **** behind my back. sexting guys, sending nudes, lied to my face about going to sleep and hung out with another dude. met this girl she became friends with and started blowing me off for her she would talk about how bad she felt for doing all that but she just cant handle a relationship. im mad i feel like i got played by her she still tries to talk to me on occasion and will talk about how maybe we can get together when shes fully ready but i just ignore it
zen2475 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I'm sorry you are going through this, but you deserve so much more than being blown off and lied to. Now it seems she's trying to keep you in reserve as an option by making vague promises about the future. Screw that. She really doesn't deserve any of your time. I would go NC and work on finding someone more worthy of you. She's not worth the energy.
bubbaganoosh Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 she would talk about how bad she felt for doing all that but she just cant handle a relationship. im mad i feel like i got played by her Honestly, you did get played by her so why don't you do the smart thing and don't bother with her in any way, heal your wounds and come out swinging the next round. She's not worth any more of your time and emotions so call a spade a spade and move on.
Author loulopi Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 is it possible? i would like to be friends with my ex but we had a bad break up. we tried to be friends after but we ended up fighting alot since i still had strong feelings. tonight i realy upset her because se was having a bad day and i was pushing her to her breaking point i wish i could stop but i cant..i keep thinking of the betrayal that happened do i need to go no contact until im over it fully?
Always Pondering Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I tried being friends when I wasn't over her, trust me when I say it did not end well. One thing's for sure and that is you are not ready for "just a friendship" with her, go NC until you no longer have feelings and are over the situation. When you go NC, do the full deal too and not just halfway. I promise you, you will not regret it if you do. Who knows, at that point you may not even care enough to pursue friendship with your ex. It's a win-win situation. 3
Ordinaryday Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 is it possible? i would like to be friends with my ex but we had a bad break up. we tried to be friends after but we ended up fighting alot since i still had strong feelings. tonight i realy upset her because se was having a bad day and i was pushing her to her breaking point i wish i could stop but i cant..i keep thinking of the betrayal that happened do i need to go no contact until im over it fully? you must be new here. This is a commonly asked question here and the answer is always the same: You can ONLY be friends with someone who dumped you when you are COMPLETELY AND ENTIRELY OVER THEM, 100%. When you can see them walking hand in hand down the street with their new romantic partner and you don't give it a second thought, the only thing you think of is "oh, I need to buy some cheese from the store". provided that you still feel ANYTHING for the ex then a true friendship is not possible because it will just delay your healing. this is if you are the dumpee. and if you are the dumper offering to stay 'friends' with the ex is just cruel, it will only delay their healing. if you care enough about them to want to keep them in your life then how come you didn't care enough about them to try to save your relationship? so no, it is inappropriate to offer to stay 'friends' with the person whose heart you just ripped out. 4
Ordinaryday Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I tried being friends when I wasn't over her, trust me when I say it did not end well. One thing's for sure and that is you are not ready for "just a friendship" with her, go NC until you no longer have feelings and are over the situation. When you go NC, do the full deal too and not just halfway. I promise you, you will not regret it if you do. Who knows, at that point you may not even care enough to pursue friendship with your ex. It's a win-win situation. I once tried this with a girl and it made her hate me with all her heart. long story short, we dated for awhile and I was always helping her out and stuff and she decided she really liked me and really wanted me in her life, but she loved me more in a "brotherly" way than a romantic way... she assumed I felt the same so when she suggested that we tone it down to "just friends" I would go along with it. problem was, I was in love with her. I did not take this suggestion well, and she told me she wanted to only be friends with me... I told her I was not comfortable doing it but she asked me to try... we were friends on each others facebook and soon after she hooked up with another guy and posted photos of them kissing on her facebook, and lovey dovey status updates like "I have the best boyfriend ever!!!!! :)". seeing this absolutely broke my heart and delayed my healing so in a moment of insanity I said some HORRIBLE things to her, accused her of leading me on, deliberately trying to hurt me, called her all sorts of names, etc. made her absolutely hate me, she will NEVER speak to me again. I probably over-reacted but I learned the hard way it is IMPOSSIBLE to be 'just friends' with someone you love and simply attempting it will hurt you. 2
Author loulopi Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 I once tried this with a girl and it made her hate me with all her heart. long story short, we dated for awhile and I was always helping her out and stuff and she decided she really liked me and really wanted me in her life, but she loved me more in a "brotherly" way than a romantic way... she assumed I felt the same so when she suggested that we tone it down to "just friends" I would go along with it. problem was, I was in love with her. I did not take this suggestion well, and she told me she wanted to only be friends with me... I told her I was not comfortable doing it but she asked me to try... we were friends on each others facebook and soon after she hooked up with another guy and posted photos of them kissing on her facebook, and lovey dovey status updates like "I have the best boyfriend ever!!!!! :)". seeing this absolutely broke my heart and delayed my healing so in a moment of insanity I said some HORRIBLE things to her, accused her of leading me on, deliberately trying to hurt me, called her all sorts of names, etc. made her absolutely hate me, she will NEVER speak to me again. I probably over-reacted but I learned the hard way it is IMPOSSIBLE to be 'just friends' with someone you love and simply attempting it will hurt you. i have already been in that situation with my ex
jbelle6 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I'm friends with all but one to be honest. From my high school sweetheart and his wife to my ex husband. Only one is dead to me. I always accept the breakup graciously, I don't try to make them feel guilty because you can't help feelings, and with this last one, I said I can't be in contact right now I'm sorry maybe in a little bit. And when I feel better I will say hello. Mind you, this could take a year or two, not a month or two. Don't hold anger in your heart and take time for yourself. No contact is what I have always done before I even knew it was a thing. It's not being mean to them, it's being kind to yourself. So yes, I am friends with exes, but much later.
CarrieT Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 As with JBelle, I am also friends with all my Exes except one. The caveat being, significant time and space after the relationships ended had to occur before any of us could come back as friends. Both parties have to have moved on 100% so there is no iota of any romance left... No way a friendship can happen if one of the parties is still hoping/wishing/pining... 1
Natsume21 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Women in general can be friends with exes much easier than men can. I tried the whole "being friends with an ex" route. Trust me, man. I really WISH I could have been "just friends" with my ex, but that just wasn't emotionally possible. I'm over her, but here's the thing. Now that I AM over her, I have no more desire to pursue a friendship. Once the chemistry and stuff dies down, you realize you have nothing in common with her that warrants a friendship. That's right, most of the time, guys, you won't WANT to be friends with your ex once you're over them.
Ordinaryday Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Women in general can be friends with exes much easier than men can. I tried the whole "being friends with an ex" route. Trust me, man. I really WISH I could have been "just friends" with my ex, but that just wasn't emotionally possible. I'm over her, but here's the thing. Now that I AM over her, I have no more desire to pursue a friendship. Once the chemistry and stuff dies down, you realize you have nothing in common with her that warrants a friendship. That's right, most of the time, guys, you won't WANT to be friends with your ex once you're over them. read this amazing thread from Loveshack http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/224923-why-would-dumper-think-i-wanted-friends made four years ago!!! the OP summarises my feelings perfectly, it is like he captured everything I wanted to say on this topic! brilliant! completely agree with it.
David87 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Women in general can be friends with exes much easier than men can. I tried the whole "being friends with an ex" route. Trust me, man. I really WISH I could have been "just friends" with my ex, but that just wasn't emotionally possible. I'm over her, but here's the thing. Now that I AM over her, I have no more desire to pursue a friendship. Once the chemistry and stuff dies down, you realize you have nothing in common with her that warrants a friendship. That's right, most of the time, guys, you won't WANT to be friends with your ex once you're over them. Have you seen Seinfeld??Jerry and Elaine ring a bell or to? It depends on many factors but the most important one is to not have feelings for your ex .
Ordinaryday Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Have you seen Seinfeld??Jerry and Elaine ring a bell or to? It depends on many factors but the most important one is to not have feelings for your ex . Yes I have... and need I point out the obvious... that it is a FICTIONAL tv show that in no way resembles reality, or even tries to??? 1
SpiritualAlchemy Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I once tried this with a girl and it made her hate me with all her heart. long story short, we dated for awhile and I was always helping her out and stuff and she decided she really liked me and really wanted me in her life, but she loved me more in a "brotherly" way than a romantic way... she assumed I felt the same so when she suggested that we tone it down to "just friends" I would go along with it. problem was, I was in love with her. I did not take this suggestion well, and she told me she wanted to only be friends with me... I told her I was not comfortable doing it but she asked me to try... we were friends on each others facebook and soon after she hooked up with another guy and posted photos of them kissing on her facebook, and lovey dovey status updates like "I have the best boyfriend ever!!!!! :)". seeing this absolutely broke my heart and delayed my healing so in a moment of insanity I said some HORRIBLE things to her, accused her of leading me on, deliberately trying to hurt me, called her all sorts of names, etc. made her absolutely hate me, she will NEVER speak to me again. I probably over-reacted but I learned the hard way it is IMPOSSIBLE to be 'just friends' with someone you love and simply attempting it will hurt you. Been there, done that, still amazed at my viciousness, regret it now but oh well, what's done is done, can't take it back, hurts you more than them until you get to that much-desired state of indifference. 1
Natsume21 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Have you seen Seinfeld??Jerry and Elaine ring a bell or to? It depends on many factors but the most important one is to not have feelings for your ex . Did you really use a fictional pairing to prove a point? Then every single romantic comedy must have truth to it! Newsflash, dude...it's because of the media that people in relationships are so confused. 1
David87 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 (edited) Did you really use a fictional pairing to prove a point? Then every single romantic comedy must have truth to it! Newsflash, dude...it's because of the media that people in relationships are so confused. No ''dude'' lol....I used that to paint a clear picture for you to understand that you can be friends with an ex if that's what you wish. I am friends with a couple of them, we hang out many times because we share the same group of people.. OP you need to start NC because you are not ready to be friends with your ex. Some poster needed Chi's point of view, this is what he would say...NC NC NC NC Edited May 27, 2014 by David87
Marco Valerio Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 dated a girl for 7 months. 5 years older than her. i found out she was doing **** behind my back. sexting guys, sending nudes, lied to my face about going to sleep and hung out with another dude. met this girl she became friends with and started blowing me off for her she would talk about how bad she felt for doing all that but she just cant handle a relationship. im mad i feel like i got played by her she still tries to talk to me on occasion and will talk about how maybe we can get together when shes fully ready but i just ignore it She doesn't deserve your love neither your time. She's a selfish person, she just wants to do or have what's best for her. Forgive her for all the pain she has put you through and forget about her, go NC and look for someone better. =)
David87 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 She's not ready for a relationship, I can understand this fact but why did se lied to you ? She's selfish and only cares about her own feelings. Ignore her and start NC. Sorry friend. 3
RDawg Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Yea I don't know. I'm not friends with any of them. Maybe if I was in a new relationship but then I don't think my new girlfriend would like that much. Plenty of other people to be friends with anyway..
lauri Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 She has every right to want to be single. She has no right to disrespect you, lead you on, lie to you and do things behind your back. I've been through similar bs before man. This is going to be tough - next time she messages you tell her that she isn't your friend and that you wouldn't wish what she did to you to any other guy. Tell her you're moving on and she is a horrible person. Block her number and never respond to her again. Honestly, I'm starting to think this girl is a carbon copy of my ex. Can't believe how selfish some people are...
No Limit Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Looks like you fell for a slut. Better luck next time. 3
Natsume21 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 No ''dude'' lol....I used that to paint a clear picture for you to understand that you can be friends with an ex if that's what you wish. I am friends with a couple of them, we hang out many times because we share the same group of people.. OP you need to start NC because you are not ready to be friends with your ex. Some poster needed Chi's point of view, this is what he would say...NC NC NC NC I have plenty of people I can be friends with. Why would I want to pursue a friendship with someone who clearly didn't want me enough to be in their life. If they cared enough about me, you'd think they wouldn't lie, lead you on, or cheat now would you? My point is, in the case of exes, only keep the exes in your life LATER who you believed showed you the utmost respect and consideration during the breakup, not jerked you around. I wouldn't let my friends do that so why an ex? Sorry dude, but most people on here don't want to be friends with people like that.
jbelle6 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Don't let a woman disrespect and embarrass you like that. She has no respect for you or herself it seems. I think you dodged a bullet here. 2
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