Author newenglandkid Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Dude literally the same thing was happening with my ex. For the longest time we talked about moving in together and eventually marrying each other. We are both relatively young (22), and I felt we had many happy years to come. She has been under a lot of stress at work, and this is her first "big girl" job out of college. I wish I knew what was going on her mind, because it really is hard for me to understand why we broke up
flight E Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 It's hard to let someone you love go but there was a time when you didn't feel any strong emotions towards this girl. There was a time when yea you liked her face or her acent or somtin but If she told you then to leave her alone and never talk to her am sure you won't have tought trice about it. The love you feel came from engagement. That is why the only solution is disengagement I.e no contact. Stick with that. Soon you will feel better about this. She may come back, she may not but you will be a better more disciplined person if you stick to nc 1
jt27 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Even though I do think they don't know what they really want, they made the decision to not be our lives. It's hard as hell to accept. Trust me. I was in denial. I still do have a little denial but acceptance is starting to overcome it. The more you think about it...and believe me you will, the more your head will spin. If she left for her own reasons, you will never understand why. I am starting to understand that it really didn't have anything to with me and it's relieving. Therapy has helped me. I tried my hardest to make it work but she gave up. So did your ex. I like to think that further down the road that we will reconnect. It's a possibility but most likely a fantasy. And something that will hold me back. You may or may not reconnect with her, but you can't sit around waiting for that to happen. For me, the only way I think that could happen is if my ex gets her heartbroken like I did and realizes what a mistake she made. The odds of that happening are slim and none. So time to move on. I am working out like never before and it really helps. If you did your best to make it work and make her happy, then that's all you could do. Time to worry about yourself.
Author newenglandkid Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Unfortunately JT, I think you're right. I think when she gets her heartbroken like I did, she may finally realized how well she had it. But as much as I want to be with her right this second, she does not and it's something I'm learning to accept. This was the decision she thought was best for her, and she'll either end up being happier for it, or maybe she'll realize how well she had it.
Author newenglandkid Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 Hi all, so I'm 1 week 3 days BU, and 2 days NC. My girlfriend broke up with me bc she said she wasn't happy with us. We had arguments but they were over little issues (mostly me getting frustrated and upset that she wouldn't do something, even though I did what she wanted to almost all the time). So she said she wasn't happy when we broke up, but she did say she still cared for me but was not in love with me anymore. Now since the breakup, I have slowly looked at our relationship in a different way. I took care of this girl like she was a queen (numerous sleepovers, taking time off of work to take care of her when she had surgery, DD most nights, give her FREQUENT massages). And like whenever I asked her to do something for me like spend more time at my house, let me watch hockey at night, or leave the bar earlier than she wanted, it usually lead to an argument. I loved this girl and still do, but I'm realizing that maybe she wasn't as mature as I am. I'm starting to come to terms that she took advantage of me which sucks. I love her and want to be with her but I know I couldn't live the rest of my life the way I was with her. But I honest to god still love her and if she would just mature a little bit, I believe that the fights would diminish and that would create a better relationship. I need some help with this one guys ( and gals) and words of advice?
bubbaganoosh Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Oh jeez ok, ya I'll just tell it here: So like I said broke up last Sunday (5/18). So over the Memorial Day weekend we end up at the same bar, but we don't talk or even acknowledge each other. So we both end up leaving late, and both of us are pretty drunk, so she sends me a drunk text saying that she wants Taco Bell and she hates sleeping alone (we always went to Taco Bell when one of us was drinking) anyway I tell her I could spend the night, and she says no ill wake up her parents. I tell her no I won't, and head over there. Once my bro drops me off in her driveway she texts me saying get the **** out of here. I was so confused, but the next day she texted me, and I apologized for doing that. She said maybe we shouldn't talk anymore and I said alright I understand but if you ever want to I'll be here. Tht was the last time I talked to her, so now it's been two days of NC. Idk what to make of that I am just really confused about what she truly wants. The next time she tries to contact you, delete the message and just move on. She said that maybe you and her shouldn't talk anymore and that's the best thing for you. You'll never heal with this kind of wishy washy back and forth thing and consider yourself lucky because the last thing I would want to do is sleep with a girl who just loaded up on a bunch of tacos. That's a real mood killer
todreaminblue Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 obviously there is a shred of hope you are holding onto....why do you want to be with her? Make it crystal for me......make me understand why you are the best guy for her....what are you capable of being as a partner for her i dotn want to hear why she is good for you...deb
Author newenglandkid Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 I think I'm the best for her, I've been with her through thick and thin for 18 months. When she was out getting her wisdom teeth out, I took work off just to take care of her. When she would want to go out and drink w her friends, I'd always DD. Yet when I tried to get something I would like (e.g. Spend more time at my house, watch sporting games later in the night) it was met with fighting and oftentimes I just caved and did what she wanted. I'm at the stage where, I want her back but the only way I could take her back is if SHE changed. I feel I did a lot more and beyond, and I don't feel like she did nearly as much. There is an obvious connection IMO with us, we were very comfortable around each other, and I'm just afraid of losing that and scared I might not find that same sort of connection with another girl.
flight E Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 You don't seem to be learning anything here. You are still engaging instead of disengaging. Everytime you engage, you make it harder for you to disengage. You are still investing in this girl. Don't be surprised when she calls the police on you because you won't leave her alone. You are getting there. Just leave her alone and try to heal. Do you love being treated like **** 1
Author newenglandkid Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 So ever since the breakup (1 week 4 days ago) I've had at least 4-5 dreams about my ex girlfriend. Long story short, she broke up with me bc she wasn't happy, and her feelings changed towards me. I personally think she's still looking to enjoy that college lifestyle (were both about 22), whereas I'm a little bit more responsible and ok with not partying every weekend. But I've been having dreams about different points in our relationship leading up to the breakup. Most recently I had one where we were talking about moving on with one another. But her saying she's not ready. (In reality we had talked about moving in once I was done with grad school and found a job (BTW, graduated grad school the day before she broke up with me, and currently on the job hunt)). I want to get back together with my ex, but these dreams really shake me up when I awake from then. Reminding me that I am no longer with her, just a real sh**** way to start my morning. Does anyone have any advice on how I should handle this?
Greeneyegemini Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 It's normal. You dream about them because the breakup is still fresh and you're thinking about them alllllll the time. It sucks, bad. I Had about 3 dreams last week where my ex told me he was being an idiot and he came back to me....then I'd wake up and realize we are broken up. There's nothing I know of to fix the dreams. Just do what everyone on here always says to do. Accept that it is over, apply No contact, don't check up on her, etc. In time, things will get better. And from what I hear...you start thinking of them less and less. The dreams ARE a killer though. This might sound crazy but I set my alarm for every 2 hours. I never really get into any dreams in that short amount of time. Although I don't really recommend it....people are supposed to have DEEP SLEEP.
David87 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Learn to control yourself and be happy on your own, not depending on other people....in this case your ex.
jphcbpa Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I think I'm the best for her, I've been with her through thick and thin for 18 months. When she was out getting her wisdom teeth out, I took work off just to take care of her. When she would want to go out and drink w her friends, I'd always DD. Yet when I tried to get something I would like (e.g. Spend more time at my house, watch sporting games later in the night) it was met with fighting and oftentimes I just caved and did what she wanted. I'm at the stage where, I want her back but the only way I could take her back is if SHE changed. I feel I did a lot more and beyond, and I don't feel like she did nearly as much. There is an obvious connection IMO with us, we were very comfortable around each other, and I'm just afraid of losing that and scared I might not find that same sort of connection with another girl. You want her back on if SHE changed...that is a fantasy and you need to let that go ASAP. You cannot fix or change her. That could take YEARS if ever. You need to change you and why you over gave in this R, why you lost yourself. This is what needs to change and be explored. You are afraid you can't find a toxic connection with another girl? This connection you miss is just that...you do not miss her..you miss the push/pull connection you shared. NOT HEALTHY. 2
JahnJahn Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Sorry you're going through this pain. You aren't alone. Trust me. I am 2 months post BU and still cry over her. Let all these emotions and feelings run through you. Accept them. Avoiding them will just delay your healing. Unfortunately there is no universal remedy to getting your ex back. If there was there would be far less of us posting here. She has to want to come back to you. Use this time to work on yourself. Prove to yourself that she is missing out on someone great. Because she is. NC is extremely hard for obvious reasons. Most everyone on here has broken and most times the results were not good. In all honesty, you will probably break it too. And that's ok. If you do, don't beat yourself over it. I did something really silly that probably killed my chances but I don't regret doing it. Just do your best to better yourself. If you ever want your ex back, you have to move on first. The relationship you once had is now dead. If you reconciled it would have to be a completely new relationship. Spend time doing something, anything to keep yourself from dwelling and moping. Good luck buddy, we're here for ya. I just read your reply, Im having similar problem https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/477598-am-i-foolish I really need some advice.
BC1980 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I think I'm the best for her, I've been with her through thick and thin for 18 months. When she was out getting her wisdom teeth out, I took work off just to take care of her. When she would want to go out and drink w her friends, I'd always DD. Yet when I tried to get something I would like (e.g. Spend more time at my house, watch sporting games later in the night) it was met with fighting and oftentimes I just caved and did what she wanted. I'm at the stage where, I want her back but the only way I could take her back is if SHE changed. I feel I did a lot more and beyond, and I don't feel like she did nearly as much. There is an obvious connection IMO with us, we were very comfortable around each other, and I'm just afraid of losing that and scared I might not find that same sort of connection with another girl. Just becaus you feel a certain way does not mean she does. She may not think you are the best thing for her. 1
flight E Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Every time you reach out to her or respond to her need for an ego trip or validation after the BU you are making it less likely that you will ever get her back with her. So even if what you want is to get back with her, you have to move on. Most of us here have been where you are now. So we understand what you going through and this is the only way out no contact. Don't resist the fact that your RS is over. Feel the pain and move on man. 1
Author newenglandkid Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 I'm trying to move on guys, just like everyone says it's hard with NC. I have one last question: I was browsing the forums and I found out what GIGS syndrome (or whatever) is and I was wondering if anyone thought my GF could have GIGS. If you're not familiar check out the breakups section of the forum, it's pinned at the very top. Thanks guys
Author newenglandkid Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 Or do you guys think I should start to face the music?
Simon Phoenix Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Or do you guys think I should start to face the music? Yeah, that'd help. 1
bulldogz Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 My advice, like others, is to stop contacting her. For that to work to its fullest potential, that means going "ghost." I'm sure you can figure out what this means. It means abolishing all electronic ties, etc. It won't guarantee she'll come back to you, but it is good advice.
jbelle6 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Why would you wait around even if she has GIGS, I don't really get that anyways, anytime we break up it's sort of GIGS no? They think they can do better than us. And there is no changing that. I will give some advice from a woman, No one "LETS" you watch the game or anything else, it's very unattractive if you let a woman run you like that. And even in this thread you talk about staying out later etc. How about finding someone more compatible. Not all girls need to stay out at the bar all night. Let this one go, later on you'll realize what we already do, that this was not a good relationship.
flight E Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Ok. It was gigs, now move on please for your own gud. You lost your girl, you will soon lose your respect and dignity. That will cause you more pain later on. Let her go please. NC from now on. Hardcore NC
Author newenglandkid Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 So my gf broke up with me almost two weeks ago, saying all the little fights built up over time and she just didn't feel the same about me anymore (I think she had GIGS, but whatever). Anyway I find out last night that she deleted my number from her phone, even though she hasn't blocked me on any social media website or whatever. Part of me thinks that it's so she doesn't drunk text or call me (cause she did last weekend), so I'm not too alarmed plus I've heard it's almost standard to block someone immediately after a breakup. I still want to get back with her but this has me wondering if she has completely given up on me or if she is just coping. Thoughts...
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 She likely deleted the # to avoid drunk dialing or texting you. It's self preservation. If she broke up with you, you don't really have the ability to persuade her to come back. You have to respect her decision.
Author newenglandkid Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 I tried persuading her days after the breakup, but after she kept saying I need space I finally said ok I understand. Then last weekend I get a drunk call pretty much sayin come sleepover, so I get to her doorstep and she tells me to leave. Next morning she says we prob shouldn't talk anymore, and I told her okay butt if you ever want to talk in the future let me know. That was Monday and I've been NC since then.
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