GrUmPy1 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 these are the things that my boyfriend does that piss me off and makes me feel frustrated and hopeless : he doesnt have a job. he had one at a grocery store where he was making 12.17 an hour. he used to steal from there. i told him MANY MANY MANY times not too because he was going to get caught, he didnt listen and he got fired well they gave him a choice to either quit or get fired. he chose to quit. he had promised me that we were going to move out of each others parents house and get our own place (with my help 2) but with his losing his job and all that went down the toilet. it has been 8 months since then and i am the one supporting him, well sort of. we live next door to each other and what i mean by support is if i want fast food he will go with me so of course if have to buy for him, or if a miracle happends and he doesnt hear me leave and i go to buy somthing on my own hell try to guilt trip me and be like 'oh y didnt u tell me u were gonna go im hungry oh well i guess ill just eat whatever is here at home' i cant eat when i know that he is hungry. if I want to go out on weekends i have to have enought money for both of us because he doesnt have any. if we go to the movies i have to have at least 40$ for the tickets and eats inside. if i had a good paying job full time i would stress but i work part time for alittle over minninm wage and i have insurance and car payments to make. sometimes his mom gives him like 10 dollars or 20 and the considerate thing i think to do would be to save like a dollar or two from everytime his mom gives him money to pay for ME to eat or to take me out. but instead he buys beers, cigarrettes candy, junk.!!! dont get me wrong i have no problem with sharing the bill with a guy or treating every now and then but call me old fashioned i dont think the girl should have to pay for everything all the ****ing time. i enrolled in school and tried to get him to do that so that in the near future he would be able to get a good job but did he want to?NO i asked him nicely to, i pointed out the good it would do for him and still no the thing that got him to say yes is that i told him there would be hundreds of cute guys with goals and ambitions that would be there so that he shouldnt be surprised if i fell for one. he enrolled the next day. i told him that i would help him all i could since he said school was not for him but when i try to help him he gets angry, if we have like 3 chapters ro read i tell him that instead of playing with his dog he should be reading or that instead of playing xbox he should read does he? nope! then in class he's always asking me what he has to do and how to do it and if he doesnt get it he gets mad. i tell him to ask for help but wont. today he screwed me because we had to read a certain chapter and he didnt so when it was time to do work in class i had to do all of it becuse he was the only one in my group and he didnt bother to read. there was alot of work and i didnt get to finish so i know my grade will go down. he cant dance. now this would bother me if he tried or at least didnt yell at me. ive tried to teach him and he gets frustated and mad. we went out to a club and in front of everyone he yelled at me 'i cant ****in dance' 'i dont give a ****' very angry. he likes to make scenes. he does it all the time. he wont let me go anywhere. if i go with my friends he always assumes no he knows that there were guys there and that at least one of them tried to hit on me. or if not that he calls every 10 min asking where am i and what time am i going home. he wants to go everywhere with me and he wont let me be with my friends. he straight up told me that he doesnt want me to go to a club without him because he KNOWS that ill dance with another guy. i only danced with my friends even when i was single. all of this even tho when he goes out with is friends or well when he used to (WHEN he had money) he would stay out till like 3 or 4. if im on the phone he always has to know who im talking to and what about, if i dont he will assume that im talking about him and get mad at me. he can never let anything go. if we argue and then he goes i dont want to be mad anymore and i tell him ok me either and we kiss he'll brake the kiss and go 'but why did you say that' or 'but i want you to understand that' if i try to shush him he will say everything really fast and that annoys the **** out of me. my thing is if we agree to not be mad anymore then drop it! he isnt smart enough for me. i know thats sounds bad but its true. i need someone who is on my level i love museums and paintings and art and he well doesnt. i constantly have to dumb myself down for him or explain things to him. he embarrases me when we are all having a conversation and he has to have things repeated to him or explained when everyone else got it. he really thought the reason ray charles was blind was because he got hit by lighting directly in his eyes. i mean come on. doesnt have a licence and he's 22 he tells me that no guy out there is gonna treat me as good as he does and that they all are going to want to just use me to get in my pants. he isnt creative or romantic or spontaneous but i guess thats the majority of men right? or wrong? i mean i ALWAYS drop hints i mean big hints practically diagrams of things that i think are romantic and would like him to do for me and it just completely goes over his head. i am constantly telling him books i like or paintings or movies or flowers and he just doesnt get it. i know i am NOT perfect. i dont claim to be but i know i am a good girlfriend. and i think that i may deserve better but i just cant bring myself to leave him. ive tried talking to him about all these things and he wont change, or even try. i love him. though on the flip side his good qualities are that he loves mee unlike anyone else ever has, i lost my virginity to him. weve been together for over a year now, he puts up with my moodswings, when i try to hint at leaving him he crys ive never had a guy cry for me. he tells me he wouldnt want to live without me. if im tired he'll drive, if im hungry and broke he'll make something for me. he gives me massages he's sweet. so what my problem is are all these things worth putting up with the things i mentioned before? do i love him or do i leave him?
curiousnycgirl Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Firstly he doesn't have a license, but when you're tired he'll drive? If you are the insured/licensed one - NOT a good idea. As far at the rest - sounds like you are trying to grow and he is trying to stay the same. This does not bode well. Only you can make the decision but you really have written a compelling argument here to end this relationship. Please reread your post and then think about what you would say to your best friend if she said all that to you. Very best of luck to you.
SoleMate Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 "No other guy will treat you as good as he does"????? He steals, scrounges, mooches, manipulates you.... Believe me baby, even if you have got NOTHING going for you, you can still do better than him!!! For him to tell you that he's the best - well, that's just like him telling his boss that he doesn't know what happened to the money in the cash register. Drop kick him to the curb, take some time to heal, watch your wallet suddenly grow fat now that you're not supporting him any more...live your life, enjoy, have fun.
Author GrUmPy1 Posted February 11, 2005 Author Posted February 11, 2005 curiousnycgirl if my best friend told me all of that i would tell her to leave that dumbass muther ****er. the only problem y i cant do it is that we have been together for over a year and i lost my virginity to him. it would kill me ,even now when i think about it i start to cry. i love him so much but i know we are not meant to be. how can i break it to him? everytime i try i start to cry and he holds me and wont let me go it is soooooo dramatic. there is a scene in a movie where a girl is praying, begging to god to make her stop loving this guy because she is in so much pain. that is me. do you guys know of anythings i can do to start distancing myself from him?
SoleMate Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 do you guys know of anythings i can do to start distancing myself from him? Why yes, we do. It's called "no contact". See it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t54435/?highlight=lost+guide+no+contact I understand that it's really "big" to you that he was your first lover. It's a shame that he isn't more worthy of you, but it's also a FACT. You CAN leave him. You'll be better off. There will be a huge wave of pain, and the "no contact" guide will help you get through that. You'll need to be really strong, because if you turn steely-eyed and coldly boot him out of your life, he will DEFINITELY come crawling back to his lover/ATM/sugar mama. He'll swear anything up and down to get back in your life. DON'T LET HIM......
Hund1976 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 he tells me that no guy out there is gonna treat me as good as he does and that they all are going to want to just use me to get in my pants. This is pretty funny, who is going to treat you worse then he's treating you? I think when breaking up with people you have to just go ahead and do it and get it over with. Just tell him that he's not the kind of guy you want to be with and then leave. It will be really hard for awhile but you'll both get over it eventually and life will go on.
snoop_dawg22 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 The best thing to do is dump him. My ex-bf was just like that. I'd pay for everything. He'd use my car ( he did have a license though ) and not put gas in it. Would expect me to pay every time we went out. He had a free ride. I'd get upset and he'd cry and beg for me not to leave. ( wait you may be dating my ex ) He's 22 also. Well needless to say I left him for the guy that's been in my life now for more than 3 yrs. So you can find someone much better. Believe me. When I first met the guy I'm with now, I didn't know how to act. He'd come pick me up and take me out. Bought me flowers. I feel head over heels for him. I hope you find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Best wishes!
Israfil Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 1) Dump Him - quickly, before you get enmeshed even further. 2) No Contact - NC. Do it for yourself. Love yourself more than you love your relationship. Repeat step 2 every minute of every day.
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