zendi_1 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Hi everyone, i'm seeking ya'lls input in something that my boyfriend just told me. He has gone to another city with his friend for vacations and he said that they went to a club. He said that a girl just took him by the hand and started dancing with him. He then told me they took each others number to meet up the next day. I got mad but he tells me it is nothing that they are just friends. But I feel cheated! I feel like this is cheating. What do yall think?
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 The dancing wasn't that great but in the grand scheme not that bad. You could get past it. Swapping numbers isn't great either but again, not all that terrible. Same thing with planning to meet. The fact that he told you is wonderful however. Focus on that. When he came to his senses before he crossed any real lines, he did the right thing. You now have evidence that you can trust him. Hopefully this was a wake-up call for him that when drinking in clubs without you he has to be more careful. They are not "just friends" however They were trying to pick each other up. He needs to own that even if he is sorry & nothing happened.
Gaeta Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 What does he mean by 'they are just friends'? Is he staying in touch with her? Also, why did he tell you this? He just volunteered this information to you or he got caught doing this? 1
Author zendi_1 Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 Because I asked him about his trip over there. And he told me about the club he went to. He told me they were just friends because I questioned him about meeting up with her the next day.
Author zendi_1 Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 Yes! That's what i'm mad about, I don't think it is right. 2
Gaeta Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Yes! That's what i'm mad about, I don't think it is right. And I also think it's not right. When did he tell her about you? 1
Author zendi_1 Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 He said that when she got him by the hand he told her that he had girlfriend.
Phoe Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 They met randomly at a club, started dancing, changed numbers, and that makes them friends? They now know each other well enough that they can just hang out together? I don't think that's appropriate behavior at all. 11
ThatMan Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Sometimes people want to continue enjoying the single life while already in a relationship. That doesn't necessarily mean screwing like rabbits with everybody you come across. But there are men who enjoy keeping up with the bachelor lifestyle by hitting the club or bar scene, dancing with random women, and taking some numbers. Some couples are actually okay with this sort of arrangement. I honestly think it's inappropriate to behave as though you're single while already in a relationship. I guess it comes down to what you're willing to tolerate, how often this goes on, and whether or not you might prefer dating a more committed man instead of a bachelor. 2
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I didn't realize he met up with her the next day. That would be a deal breaker for me. He's doesn't understand the concept of friendship -- or dating -- if he thinks she's his friend & this was OK.
Treasa Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I wouldn't be ok with this. However, if your boyfriend is ok with you doing the same thing with other guys, then I say go ahead and do that. 2
Gaeta Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 The dancing is not a big deal to me or swapping numbers (if that makes him feel like a virile man for a moment) as long as there is NO follow up. Explain to him that even though he feels he did nothing wrong, he crossed the line when he met with her and this is to not happen again if he wants to be in a relationship with you.
mattboltz Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Yeah, I think you have a reason to be upset. It makes me a little bit less worried since he told you about her, but it seems like something could possibly be there, and he might not even know it. She could be manipulitive
HappyLove Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Your bf is playing you for a fool! The only reason you dance and then go as far to exchange numbers in the club is because you are attracted to the person and want to hook up. He must really think you're stupid to tell you some BS about how they are "friends". Then he had the nerve to meet with her the very next day?! Are we all on the same planet? How could this be ok? How old is this guy? I'm willing to bet that he knew some information would get back to you so he's telling you THIS version. 6
stillafool Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 He said that a girl just took him by the hand and started dancing with him. He then told me they took each others number to meet up the next day. Well now you know you are allowed to go to clubs, dance with other guys, exchange phone numbers and go out with them the next day. Don't sit around waiting, go out and have some fun! He is! 5
Author zendi_1 Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 He is 24, I'm 21. We have 7 months. And thanks everyone for your input. I will go out to the clubs with my girls and dance with a guy if they ask me
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 That is your choice, but going to clubs won't help your relationship -- It's game playing that will make things worse. Break up with him before you take that route. 1
jbelle6 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 OK! POLL TIME! How many of you have questioned your partner about someone shady only to be told "she's/he's just a friend". Then you find out that not only did they meet but so did their genitals? Not appropriate, not from a bar. When I was with my guy if I was handed a card with a number I threw it out right away. I could maybe see if they shared a class together or something. But ya. You don't go to nightclubs to meet "friends". 2
jbelle6 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 They met the next day??? I just read that, are you sure they actually parted ways the night before?
Author zendi_1 Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 After we talked and he told me this I closed skype on him and turned off my phone. Now that I turned it back on he is telling me that he was just kidding and that he didn't go on a date with her. He is now "mad" at me because I closed skype on him...
Author zendi_1 Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 They met the next day??? I just read that, are you sure they actually parted ways the night before? They parted ways. He had gone with his cousin and they were staying at a hotel in that city.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 After we talked and he told me this I closed skype on him and turned off my phone. Now that I turned it back on he is telling me that he was just kidding and that he didn't go on a date with her. He is now "mad" at me because I closed skype on him... He is 100% full of sh*t. You know it and he knows it. And I have a feeling there's a lot more he didn't tell you about their "date." That type of manipulation isn't ok. I wouldn't stay, but that's me. I don't tolerate BS. 1
veggirl Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 After we talked and he told me this I closed skype on him and turned off my phone. Now that I turned it back on he is telling me that he was just kidding and that he didn't go on a date with her. He is now "mad" at me because I closed skype on him... He's lying and trying to cover his ass. And now he's gaslighting you and trying to turn it around on you. Nice. 3
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