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How to let go of a relationship that is already over?

completelyconfused07

By completelyconfused07
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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completelyconfused07 New Member

completelyconfused07

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een w this guy for a year. He was caught in so many lies, seeing his ex, hiding some people, sneaking around. It was always me trying for the relationship. He'd kick me out, it got physical on his end a lot of the times, he's very verbally abusive but I still loved him through it all. And the past few days I told him I can't do another ex encounter thing, I was so tired of it all. There's just so much damage there to like I can't look at him the same? But here I am a year later & I fought so hard for him to what give up now?

I feel like I'll never feel as connected to another person again, even though I know he is no good for me.

I'm also 19, he's 23. I've asked him to stop calling me names, quit seeing his ex blah blah all that before. And NOW he wants to do all that. Now that I'm just done. I feel emotionally done, but I'm still physically there. I work at 5a, and every night I'd go see him even if it was 11p and he just got home. And now it's 7p and I don't even want to go see him.

I used to jump through hoops. Even though I know I can't see him in the same light, why can't I just walk away? The fear of feeling like I'll never have that connection again? Or stay hoping I'll feel it again w all his changed. Though, he's "changed" before always temporarily...

He was so heartless the whole time until now. Screaming, can never talk about what I want to, hangs up, kicks me out, blocks me because he doesn't want to deal with something right then. Says he doesn't care to my face. Gets physical with me. Blah.

But the thing is what if he changes this time...

how do I let go?

I've hungout with one other guy, not cheating or anything, and I used to like him and I still think I do. But it's like I also feel I'll never connect like I did with my boyfriend now. How do I just suck it up, leave him, let him do his thing without me. I feel like I'm almost being selfish.

jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

Posted
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Goodness, you are just 19!!! Of course you will connect to someone again, many someones most likely! We all tell ourselves we will never meet anyone like them but it's simply not true at all. And it sounds like the one you are with is no prize.

 

My ex before this one was extremely physically and mentally abusive. The bruises are gone but the terrible things he said to me have NEVER left my mind.

 

Guys like this are narcissistic and need constant attention from as many different places as they can find so he'll always be chatting to the ex or talking to other girls.

 

Drop him, you'll be just fine, in fact, you'll be better.

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me85 Established Member

me85

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Goodness, you are just 19!!! Of course you will connect to someone again, many someones most likely! We all tell ourselves we will never meet anyone like them but it's simply not true at all. And it sounds like the one you are with is no prize.

 

My ex before this one was extremely physically and mentally abusive. The bruises are gone but the terrible things he said to me have NEVER left my mind.

 

Guys like this are narcissistic and need constant attention from as many different places as they can find so he'll always be chatting to the ex or talking to other girls.

 

Drop him, you'll be just fine, in fact, you'll be better.

 

I'M PISSED I CAN ONLY "LIKE" THIS BECAUSE I LOVE IT! Lol

 

I too have been in this kind of RS in my late 20's. It's God awful at any age.

 

I've been physically, mentally, emotionally & verbally abused by my ex.

 

It's taken me so long to realize HE'S not the one for ME. HE'S not a good person. HE is the one who really has problems. Not me. Not like that. The only problem I've had is getting over him. It shouldn't have taken me this long. I mean, he's hurt me so very much but the love I have had for him has been fading for a long time. I see now that my ego is to blame for any lingering thoughts & feelings about my ex.

 

Fu ck our egos.

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jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

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I'm telling you, I think their hearts are dry hunks of coal with only a square millimeter of space for love and it all goes to themselves, cause they don't like themselves that much either.

 

I was lucky, mine had hurt me so badly physically at the end that I was done. The insults to my body, my face, my education/intelligence, hobbies, even the charity I work with, all those things really are still there. It was easy for me to end it with him because he just started looking so petty to me. They really are small people. I am very very happy you are not with yours anymore either. SO HAPPY. You will get over him.

 

The one I am sad over now, he broke up with me but he was so kind, I never thought I'd have that, he made me feel a lot better about myself so at least that kind of person is out there for us! <3

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completelyconfused07 New Member

completelyconfused07

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How awesome. I just feel like I tried and tried for a whole year! And now to what, just walk out when he finally wants to try? But I can't help to not care, as much as I would like to care for his what seems to be his new perfect attitude, I just can't.

Been burned tooooo many times by the same man.

 

No clue why dudes stay w us & treat us like ****, then the second we're out they're willing to do anything.

 

How can I leave completely with a clean break?

me85 Established Member

me85

Posted
Posted
I'm telling you, I think their hearts are dry hunks of coal with only a square millimeter of space for love and it all goes to themselves, cause they don't like themselves that much either.

 

I was lucky, mine had hurt me so badly physically at the end that I was done. The insults to my body, my face, my education/intelligence, hobbies, even the charity I work with, all those things really are still there. It was easy for me to end it with him because he just started looking so petty to me. They really are small people. I am very very happy you are not with yours anymore either. SO HAPPY. You will get over him.

 

The one I am sad over now, he broke up with me but he was so kind, I never thought I'd have that, he made me feel a lot better about myself so at least that kind of person is out there for us! <3

 

We are survivors. :D

 

Thank you for your kind words.

 

I am about 90% over him at this point. NC reallly is the only way to get over anyone. They have to completely vanish from your life. They have to be "dead" to you. As awful as that sounds.

 

I won't get all on my soapbox but I will say that even though they manipulate us to the point of no return in our minds & our hearts, the real problem is not loving ourselves enough to break away. For whatever reason, (mostly because they have screwed us up so much emotionally and completely demolished our self esteem) but still, we let them put it in our minds that we aren't worthy of any other kind of love but their kind of love...the kind that hurts.

 

It's sick!

 

But eventually you wake up from that God awful nightmare and you're like, "Helloo??!? That's not love at all! I KNOW I know better than this."

 

You finally regain your self worth and have the strength to walk away.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your most recent BU but like you said, at least you were able to spend time with someone who actually valued you and made you feel good about yourself. That gives me hope!

 

<3

me85 Established Member

me85

Posted
Posted
How awesome. I just feel like I tried and tried for a whole year! And now to what, just walk out when he finally wants to try? But I can't help to not care, as much as I would like to care for his what seems to be his new perfect attitude, I just can't.

Been burned tooooo many times by the same man.

 

No clue why dudes stay w us & treat us like ****, then the second we're out they're willing to do anything.

 

How can I leave completely with a clean break?

 

 

 

I can absolutely 100% relate to your situation.

 

The hardest part is "letting go and not taking part"

 

What you have to consider is that he may love you or care for you (in his own messed up way - much like I know my ex did) but he doesn't love or care for you enough sweetie.

 

There is nothing no one can tell you, you have to tell yourself. You have to make the decision to be done or continue on with this guy yourself. It's your life...your path. If you do decide to give this guy another chance, then step lightly, walk carefully.

 

If they burned you before, chances are they will do it again.

 

Most people don't change unless something major happens in their lives, like something tragic.

 

It's really sad because most people take advantage of the good they have and don't realize just how good it was until it's not at their disposal anymore.

 

I think you need to protect yourself from this guy. He will only cause you more heartache and pain.

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