abby_tx Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I met a guy online a few weeks ago. We exchanged a few quick messages before meeting for coffee 2-3 weeks later. I put it off because I wasn't really that into him. Anyway, in person I really liked him. That same night after the date, he messaged me, "Sorry the date was so uneventful. Maybe we can do dinner this weekend if you want. If not, I understand." So I message him right away saying the date was great and I'd do dinner. Well, a week passes. No message which is odd because he always replied to any message I sent no matter what it was and he was way quicker. By Friday, I finally messaged him saying, "By the way, here's my number." He texted me Saturday morning simply saying goodmorning and then was MIA the rest of the day and didn't respond to my texts. Sunday he asks me if I want to do dinner Monday night. Tonight. I say yes. He never set a time/location and I WAS going to wait for him to set both of this, but he never texted me. I finally just texted him, "So what time do you want to do dinner?" He replied that something came up. He said he would have let me know sooner but thought he could 'make it work.' I think this is a BS excuse and my intuition is he's not interested in me. Had he been, he would have tried for dinner Friday, Saturday, even Sunday night. Finally Monday is here and he can't even make that work? Bummed because he seemed so into me before we met.
Assasda Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Yeah, I dont think we was really interested in you after the first time he saw you. maybe you gave off a bad vibe since you were not interested in the first place
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 That bums me out. I'm tired of the dating game. I wish he would have just said so instead of 'kind of' inviting me to dinner and canceling.
Potz4prez Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 He probably felt rejected after the first date, then lacked the cojones to follow up with a second date, expecting more of the first. 1
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 When the first date ended, he asked if I was hungry. I said I had already eaten. Which is true. It was 9:30pm. Then when we walked to the car, it was awkward and I scurried away. He asked if he could hug me and could still talk to me. I hugged him back and said, "Yes of course." Maybe he couldn't read me? But wouldn't me saying, "So what time for dinner tonight?" show him I was interested???
Potz4prez Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 It's pretty obvious that he lacks confidence. He probably self sabotaged and imploded.
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 Na, nothing to do with earlier reluctance. If a man is interested in me then it has been full speed ahead. This guy is just treading water as he has other women he is more into. This is what I was thinking. I mean, the weekend is here. You save the Friday, Saturdays for the women you are more interested in. I'm sure he's doing just this. Maybe one is going further so he decided to spend tonight with that one. 1
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 It's pretty obvious that he lacks confidence. He probably self sabotaged and imploded. I don't know if I agree. He's a pretty manly man.
Potz4prez Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Na, nothing to do with earlier reluctance. If a man is interested in me then it has been full speed ahead. This guy is just treading water as he has other women he is more into. A guy who texts this: "Sorry the date was so uneventful. Maybe we can do dinner this weekend if you want. If not, I understand." And says this: He asked if he could hug me and could still talk to me. Probably doesn't have other women. 2
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 If he doesn't have other women then why cancel a date with me tonight? Not plan anything the entire week between our first date? I'll also be out of state until next Monday. You'd think he'd try to make it work.
Potz4prez Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Implosion, not interested or busy. Take your pick. You could always ask him out and see where that gets you.
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 Implosion, not interested or busy. Take your pick. You could always ask him out and see where that gets you. I'd choose busy if I can have my pick, but I always assume the worse. I did sorta ask him out when I said, "What time did you want to do dinner tonight?" And after he gave me his excuse, I said, "Alright. Maybe when I get back from ____" to which I got ZERO reply.
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 I'm going to take him out of my phone contacts and forget about him. I'm tired of wasting time/energy on guys like this. Whatever his reason, he blew the date. 3
Frank2thepoint Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I put it off because I wasn't really that into him. I'm going to take him out of my phone contacts and forget about him. I'm tired of wasting time/energy on guys like this. Whatever his reason, he blew the date. You fail to realize, it takes two to tango. You may have put out an uninterested vibe, still testing the waters with him. He may have picked up on it and felt the date was uneventful. Him blowing you off for a second date was wrong of him, and solely his fault. But he may have not wanted to schedule anything because he didn't think you were interested in him anyway. 1
edgygirl Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 When a guy is interested, we know. We know because someone who is interested doesn't fail to contact and make real plans. I'm sorry, he's not interested. Move on. Better to know sooner than later and have your heart open to someone who is right for you. There are lots of guys like this in the dating world today. The best thing is to keep distance from them. Let him go and be happy you saw how he behaves before getting involved. 2
Author abby_tx Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 I was thinking of sending him a quick message. It would just say something like, "Hey, just wanted to let you know that if you are dating someone now, that's fine. We don't have to hang out if you want to pursue that first. I am not always easy to read, but I do think you're a great guy and would like to see you again." Is that pathetic? Should I just not message him again?
MissBee Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I met a guy online a few weeks ago. We exchanged a few quick messages before meeting for coffee 2-3 weeks later. I put it off because I wasn't really that into him. Anyway, in person I really liked him. That same night after the date, he messaged me, "Sorry the date was so uneventful. Maybe we can do dinner this weekend if you want. If not, I understand." So I message him right away saying the date was great and I'd do dinner. Well, a week passes. No message which is odd because he always replied to any message I sent no matter what it was and he was way quicker. By Friday, I finally messaged him saying, "By the way, here's my number." He texted me Saturday morning simply saying goodmorning and then was MIA the rest of the day and didn't respond to my texts. Sunday he asks me if I want to do dinner Monday night. Tonight. I say yes. He never set a time/location and I WAS going to wait for him to set both of this, but he never texted me. I finally just texted him, "So what time do you want to do dinner?" He replied that something came up. He said he would have let me know sooner but thought he could 'make it work.' I think this is a BS excuse and my intuition is he's not interested in me. Had he been, he would have tried for dinner Friday, Saturday, even Sunday night. Finally Monday is here and he can't even make that work? Bummed because he seemed so into me before we met. Brush it off. That's my rule for online dating. Many times people who seem promising will fall through. Don't push it or waste time. Someone who is really interested will follow up and keep you abreast of any changes, just like you kept abreast of your plans with him. Plain and simple. When I was online dating, that was my mentality. A man had about 2 chances (and 2 was if something reasonable came up) to express interest, plan a date, invite me out and follow up after the date. If he kept prolonging the date, didn't say anything about a date, or we go out but he doesn't really follow up, I drop it and move on. Only give your time to those who respect it and who are genuinely interested where you don't have to be guessing or constantly texting them to remind them about plans THEY made. DO NOT MESSAGE HIM AGAIN! If he was really into you you wouldn't need to send him such a message. It's only going to come off like you're guilt tripping him or you're desperate. Brush it off. He's not that special and it's a disservice when a man isn't treating you like you're that special for you to constantly message him or act like he is that special to deserve any further explanations when he hasn't given you the same courtesy. 6
Author abby_tx Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 Brush it off. That's my rule for online dating. Many times people who seem promising will fall through. Don't push it or waste time. Someone who is really interested will follow up and keep you abreast of any changes, just like you kept abreast of your plans with him. Plain and simple. When I was online dating, that was my mentality. A man had about 2 chances (and 2 was if something reasonable came up) to express interest, plan a date, invite me out and follow up after the date. If he kept prolonging the date, didn't say anything about a date, or we go out but he doesn't really follow up, I drop it and move on. Only give your time to those who respect it and who are genuinely interested where you don't have to be guessing or constantly texting them to remind them about plans THEY made. DO NOT MESSAGE HIM AGAIN! If he was really into you you wouldn't need to send him such a message. It's only going to come off like you're guilt tripping him or you're desperate. Brush it off. He's not that special and it's a disservice when a man isn't treating you like you're that special for you to constantly message him or act like he is that special to deserve any further explanations when he hasn't given you the same courtesy. Best advice ever. This makes sense. Thank you for helping me not make a fool of myself. On to better men! 3
HappyLove Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I was thinking of sending him a quick message. It would just say something like, "Hey, just wanted to let you know that if you are dating someone now, that's fine. We don't have to hang out if you want to pursue that first. I am not always easy to read, but I do think you're a great guy and would like to see you again." Is that pathetic? Should I just not message him again? DO NOT! I REPEAT! DO NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE! Yes, this is pathetic. Also desperate, clingy, and wrong on so many levels. If this guy does not look EXACTLY and I mean EXACTLY like Brad Pitt AND make his income...then you DO NOT send this message. For the love and respect of all women, no man who is not clearly into you is worth this! Move on.
Frank2thepoint Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I was thinking of sending him a quick message. It would just say something like, "Hey, just wanted to let you know that if you are dating someone now, that's fine. We don't have to hang out if you want to pursue that first. I am not always easy to read, but I do think you're a great guy and would like to see you again." Is that pathetic? Should I just not message him again? I'm going to go against the grain from the other posters. No, sending such a message is not pathetic, clingy, or needy. I'm a guy, and if I received such a message I'd think it was endearing and brave of you. But this is me, not sure about the guy. If you really think he is a great guy, then take the risk and send him the message. You don't have anything to lose really. The worst that will happen is he will never contact you again. At least you can look yourself in the mirror and say you tried. 1
MissBee Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 DO NOT! I REPEAT! DO NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE! Yes, this is pathetic. Also desperate, clingy, and wrong on so many levels. If this guy does not look EXACTLY and I mean EXACTLY like Brad Pitt AND make his income...then you DO NOT send this message. For the love and respect of all women, no man who is not clearly into you is worth this! Move on. Even if a man is Brad Pitt, he needs to respect and value you period. A man doesn't get to treat you like an option or disposable because he has money or is handsome. Even if Brad Pitt is dating you but never texts back, backs out of plans, doesn't follow up etc....you better believe that a self-respecting woman won't give a crap if he is Brad Pitt but will kindly brush him off as well!! But I get you...just had to say that cause people say it all the time and I'm like err no...all men are human beings, no matter their income or attraction level and they aren't better than you and it's a terrible message that women should tolerate poor treatment from men so long as they are handsome and have money. 2
Author abby_tx Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 I'm going to go against the grain from the other posters. No, sending such a message is not pathetic, clingy, or needy. I'm a guy, and if I received such a message I'd think it was endearing and brave of you. But this is me, not sure about the guy. If you really think he is a great guy, then take the risk and send him the message. You don't have anything to lose really. The worst that will happen is he will never contact you again. At least you can look yourself in the mirror and say you tried. Hmm interesting. So the guy says do it and the girls say don't. Haha. If a guy sent me the message, I wouldn't care.
sunshinelove Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Hi abby, I've been in your situation before so thought I'd give my opinion. I get what everyone says about respecting yourself, and not giving a guy more time then he deserves.. But I understand that sometimes you just need to give it one last shot before you can walk away If I were you, I'd message him, but don't 'assume' he's seeing someone else, make it shorter. If he likes you then he won't think your pathetic, he will message you and ask you out. If he respects you, he may reply and say he's no longer interested. If he's an ass or coward he will ignore. Then at least you know where you stand "Hey, just wanted to let you know I am not always easy to read, but I do think you're a great guy and would like to see you again."
zendi_1 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I was thinking of sending him a quick message. It would just say something like, "Hey, just wanted to let you know that if you are dating someone now, that's fine. We don't have to hang out if you want to pursue that first. I am not always easy to read, but I do think you're a great guy and would like to see you again." Is that pathetic? Should I just not message him again? I would say message him one last time. But don't message him everything that you wrote here! Don't talk about him dating someone else and that you guys don't have to hangout. Have you guys messaged recently?
Author abby_tx Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 I would say message him one last time. But don't message him everything that you wrote here! Don't talk about him dating someone else and that you guys don't have to hangout. Have you guys messaged recently? Our last exchange was via text. He sent two long texts one saying he had to take a rain check. Second was to say he would have let me know sooner but thought he could make it work. I was sorta annoyed so I replied with a one word "alright." Then I realized that looked bitchy so I followed it up with "I get back from vacation in a week, so maybe another day." This was sent yesterday afternoon and I have heard nothing since.
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