My GF moved out, What do you think?

[confused4231]

My GF (I think... I have asked her what we are? If we are broken up or if were still together and her answer is I dont know I just need some time to think about things) and I have been dating for about 8 months...We moved in together after about 4 months. When we first met she told me that she battles with depression and anxiety. She also has a 2 year old. I thought things were going great, we rarely argue and when we did it was mostly hypothetical situations. Anyhow last thursday and friday there were I love u's hugs and kisses. Last Sat. we went golfing with friends and we kinda got split up playing best ball on different teams so we didn’t spend much time together when we got home she started saying that he hates what I never pay attention to her around friends, that she thinks I'm pushing her away, and that she felt like for the past few weeks I was always pissed off and she didn’t know what do anymore. She said that in the past she thought I was "the One" and she wasn’t sure anymore. And that if I really wanted her and her daughter in my life that I needed to show her. She said she had a lot to think about and other issues she needed to work out because she has to do whats best for her and her daughter. I asked what I could do to help and she said she didn’t know, That she just needed some space and work things out alone. I tried to get her to stay and it felt like she was getting even more mad. The next two days we hardly talked more of the same conversation. Monday I told her Ok if you feel thats best move out. She moved out Wednesday and said she was sorry about everything, and that things would work out. Still wants us talk/text and go on dates. She also said I love You for the first time since friday. Thursday she called and said she missed me and asked what I was doing this weekend. I am just confused and Have no idea what to do. I love this girl and I don’t want to keep pushing or say something that will set her off and lose her for good. But at the same time I want to be there if she needs me. Has anyone experienced this before? Do you have any advice? Before she moved out I asked her are we breaking UP? Are we just taking a break? and said “I don’t know I don’t know.” I said would you like me not to call you and wait for u? and She said did “I say that? I didn’t tell not call me, you can call me or text me whenever you want” - What should I do go cold turkey only talk to her if she talks to me? Should I reach out? if so how soon? Like I said I Love her and I don’t want to lose her forever, I want to respect her wishes and give her space. But Im also hurting and to me it feels like she’s sending me mix signals. Could her medication be causing any of this?

[Gaeta]

I am sorry but I think she is gone for good. People rarely make sudden turn around like this unless someone else is involved. The texting and sweet names is just to ease her guilt. She is slowly letting you down.

 

This was not meant to be long term. A woman, mother of baby, willing to move in with a man after dating 3-4 months is not long term material. Where is that child's father? Soon she will be moving in with someone else. Be very suspicious of those women with young children willing to uproot their child left and right.

[d0nnivain]

Your whole relationship progressed at hyperspeed but had no foundation. To my way of thinking at 8 months you shoudl be starting to have a conversation about possibly moving in together at some point in the future. Especially because she has a child, failing to define the relationship & dramatically moving out at this stage is not a healthy sign.

 

If you want her back reach out but slow this train down, for the kid's sake.

 

Since she already makes decisions quickly -- moving in at 4 months & moving out without a prior discussion because you didn't pay enough attention to her while golfing -- she may not want to listen.

 

She needs to grow up. You need to figure out if you want to stay on her crazy train.

[Omei]

I agree with above posters that might be it

 

I also have a different theory....

 

She's dramatic she doesn't think you're paying enough attention to her so she moved out is giving you the "I just dont know" BS but secretly hopes you'll beg go all out do anything for her so she will get her ego boost.

 

You can take the advice given give her the space move slow but that just ads to her feelings of not getting enough attention.

 

Or you can pull out all the stops and see if there's an improvement but then you would see how unreasonable lengths she went to get what she wanted.

 

The only reason why I suggest it might be a game is because you say everything was going great until the golf game.

 

Its hard to tell if she's being dramatical or if she really feels the relationships not working because she sprung it on you. She should of told you how she was feeling gradually instead of making it out of one instance then moving out, unfair.

 

Ask her exactly what she wants and what needs to be done to get there...

If she gives you a wishy washy reply like I need time I dont know bla bla give it too her, but if she complains remind her that's what she's asked for if she wants something else she needs to communicate it.

[confused4231]

Well, she said that it wasnt just at the Golf game that everytime were with friends she feels ignored or like I dont want her there. Which is not the case, in my opinion I just feel like its easier for someone to get to know another if someone isnt always at your hip. Any way the only other arguments we had were usually hypothetical; ie - children names, discipline methods, etc. She said that I've seemed unhappy the last few weeks and wanted to think about what I really wanted going forward... And that if wanted a family she said to show her not just tell her. Im not sure what she means by that either.

[Omei]

Ps I agree her moving her child places so quickly is alarming home is very important to a child's growth the feel of home, the stability.

 

Constantly moving around can cause confusion and fear, children get very attached to their things and where they live if that's always ripped away it can make them feel depressed and life unsettling with no feeling of sanctuary.

 

For the future if she ever indeed does move back in and you guys work it out you need to talk to her about communication and putting in effort and not moving out as soon as things hit the rocks and only do it when its a final thing its too unfair for you and that child.

[Omei]

Well, she said that it wasnt just at the Golf game that everytime were with friends she feels ignored or like I dont want her there. Which is not the case, in my opinion I just feel like its easier for someone to get to know another if someone isnt always at your hip. Any way the only other arguments we had were usually hypothetical; ie - children names, discipline methods, etc. She said that I've seemed unhappy the last few weeks and wanted to think about what I really wanted going forward... And that if wanted a family she said to show her not just tell her. Im not sure what she means by that either.

 

I say you showed her by letting her move in with her child!

 

She says it wasn't just the golf game but who brings the house down and move's out at first signs of trouble? If she needs more attention she has to communicate that long before making it a "I might cut ties" issue.

 

You SHOULD NOT be arguing about discipline methods regarding her child you have not known this child nearly long enough to make that call you are not the child's father and you have no rights in how she parents her child regardless if you live together or not the relationship has been too short for you to even assume any parental role.

[confused4231]

No no no, it was never about her child. I could not feel comfortable disciplining her child... her daughter said something back to me and my gf said "I wish you wouldnt let her talk to you like that" So she sent her daughter to timeout....She then asked "if we ever have kids would you them talk back or be disrespectful?" and I said no I wouldnt but right now I dont feel comfortable and I wouldnt want you or her dad getting upset. I think for now I'll just tell you if it happens again....

[HappyLove]

She sounds dysfunctional and irresponsible also immature. To move in your child with a MAN after only knowing him four months speaks volumes about her. Then she turns around and uproots the kid AGAIN! Now she wants to manipulate you and have you kiss her butt to be with you. She sounds like a DRAMA QUEEN! Cut your losses now it's only going to get worse.

[Gaeta]

This is so disturbing. You've been together 8 months, she moved in after 4 months, that means you've only lived under the same roof for 4 months and she wants you to discipline her child.

 

If she allows every man running in her life discipline her daughter what kind of message do you think she's teaching her little girl. The most important years in a human's life is from 0 to 5 years old. This is where you build self-awareness and self-worth.

 

Thank goodness you have more sense than her.

 

Where did she move out? On her own or with someone else?

[confused4231]

She moved about 10-15 miles away with her aunt.

[Omei]

Tell her to stay there, maybe her aunt has more sense than she does.

 

If you continue the relationship I think its best she stay with family for that childs sake perhaps the aunt is more stable and that would be good for the both of them.