losteverything Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 my wife left me 8 months ago and its been a nightmare time since then we have gone from her wanting no contact,to us having contact and the bare min of friendship im so messed up i dont know what to do anymore at the moment we are talking but nothing more.....some days she is fine we will messge each other a lot then the next day, its leave me alone,dont know what is going on......we have kids she now allows me now to pick them up from there home ( i live apart from them) when i want to see them.the kids see we talk and thy have said there are happy we are. i have tried everything to try and save my marriage,i love her with all my heart and soul,but messed up what i had and took her for granted and made her unhappy for years..( her words) have broke down in front of her and told her i will change and do whatever it takes to make it work,but she isnt interested, she knows how unhappy i am, and how low i am,she said she is glad cause now i know how i made her feel......she said she dont hate me, but she resents me for how unhappy i made her and for taking her for granted,she has said not one day has she missed me since we split,and that we will never get back together,it breaks my heart to hear her say things like that....i want her back so much she has said she dont want to be with me or anyone else she is happy on her own ( there isnt anyone else i know that 100%) everytime i see her i want to hold in my arms so much it tears me apart if i bring up about trying again she gets angry,says you need to move on i have asked her does she want no contact from me,she said that is never going to happen as we have kids,she has said she has seen me change in some ways,which is good......but she dont want to hear that i love her or i miss her or anything like that,and she wont change how she feels i just dont know what to do anymore,lots on here say no contact if you want someone to miss you,and if you want them back......i want her back i just want her to see that this has been a massive wake up call to what i have lost and what an idiot i have been to make her fall out of love with me and how i made her feel,and that i wont make the same mistake again i dont want her as just a friend....i want her as my wife do i have any chance of turning this around????????and how???
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Since it has been going on for 8 months and brewing for far longer, you may not have a great deal of hope to change this. What are you doing to show her that you have changed & no longer take her for granted? If you haven't done anything, start. All the words in the world are meaningless unless backed up by action. If you are starting, tell her you are starting, then romance the heck out of her: Loving text mesages; cards, flowers, get her a housekeeper, be early when you pick up the kids, bring her food, show her how important she & your family are.
Author losteverything Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 have sent the romantic cards,and flowers,done nice things for her that she wanted and wasn't able to,but its made no difference,i think she seems to get annoyed when i have,she is very cold in everyway maybe is is too late
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I walked away from a 12 year relationship. He came running after me doing everything I wanted during those 12 years. At that point I was so angry & hurt that his gestures just pi$$ed me off. Had we been married, I'd like to think I would have given him another chance based on all that effort but she may simply be done. You may have broken her heart so many times that the pieces are simply too shattered to be put back together. Beg for marriage counseling but that's about all there is.
Author losteverything Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 (edited) i asked her a while back about marriage counseling she got angry and said no chance,im starting to feel no matter what i do its wrong in her eyes i have said to her we cant change the past,lets start again from the very start of like when we first met if thats what it takes,but she just refuses and she said that we will end up again like we as if she gave me a final chance she has said that,wish i knew what i could do to show her it wont Edited May 26, 2014 by losteverything
Survivor12 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Since it has been going on for 8 months and brewing for far longer, you may not have a great deal of hope to change this. What are you doing to show her that you have changed & no longer take her for granted? If you haven't done anything, start. All the words in the world are meaningless unless backed up by action. If you are starting, tell her you are starting, then romance the heck out of her: Loving text mesages; cards, flowers, get her a housekeeper, be early when you pick up the kids, bring her food, show her how important she & your family are. NO!!!! She will see all that as manipulation to get what YOU want. She has said that she doesn't want to hear that you love her and miss her--so STOP! At this point, she doesn't want you back. Accept that. Stop trying to change her mind. Instead, put your effort into being a better "you". Be respectful. Don't be early to pick up the kids--be on time. Don't attempt to use the kids to influence her. If she tells you something--pay attention & show interest (even if it is about her best friend who you don't like or a shoe sale)--BUT don't push or pry into her business. Don't try to be her friend. Let her see you living your life--buy some new clothes, get a different haircut, wear a different cologne, take up a new hobby--things that YOU like, not ones that you think she will like. Compliment her--but not just her appearance and don't overdo it. Be genuine. If she's a good mom--tell her. Give her some time to see you as a independent man not the guy who took her for granted and wants something from her. The truth is that she may never change her mind, but you'll have a better chance than if you continue to grovel and plead with her. Good luck. 1
Author losteverything Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 all i want from her is her love back have tried to compliment her,it just seems to go down like a lead balloon the last few weeks she has let me come over,but she is very cold and seems distant,and to be honest it makes me feel awfull,also she has unblocked me from facebook after 5 months,i didn't ask her too just only a few weeks ago there was nothing no contact and now its like this just dont know what to make of it.
Mr.Pine Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 all i want from her is her love back... Here is your biggest mistake. You cannot make a person love you. You can give them space and have them realize they might have some lingering feelings that kinda/sorta resemble love, but not outright love. Unless your moniker is Cupid, you don't stand a chance at making her love you back. Instead, step back. Let nature takes its course. But after 8 months of this, I think nature has already made up her mind and you're S.O.L. Move on, little buddy. It's over.
Author losteverything Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 the last few days we have spoken lots got on fine ( no mention about us or getting back together) i asked if i could come over and see her and the kids (like she let me 10 days ago) her reply was....you know how i feel why would i want you here why is she being like this?? really dont know what my next move should be
Author losteverything Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 its as she is happy to talk to me but not see me
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