Me and my Girlfriend are arguing everyday over this stuff

[thuglife]

Wev been dating for a year and a half. Okay so basically my girlfriend wants to break up over me.checking out other girls. But the thing is I dont, i look at everyone the same way. But she only calls me out on it when she thinks its someone she finds attractive. Shes like why wer you staring at her blah blah and our whole day is ruined because of that. I dont stare though, i look for like 2 seconds lmao, when i do is when i dont realize what im looking at and when I do i look away right away. And I swear to youu nothing even goes on in my mind when it happens. Im not oogling over other woman or anything, i dont even watch porn lol... all im doing is looking at my sorrundings basically and i get accused of checking out for it,

 

 

She tells me that all of this is bringing her self esteem really low. And i make her feel like the ugliest person in the room. We fought about it so many times, and she even cried about it. But she just doesnt believe that im not interested in anyone else, or how i look at everyone the same way. Shes like theres different reasons why youd look at a guy and a girl.i even try to avoid looking at anyone the opposite gender and at the end of the day im still accused of it lol. Its a bad habit that im.trying to stop, but i think its to far that she wants to break up over it.

 

I got her to give me her side of the story and this is it... we dont really agree on each others sides.

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So I don’t really know where to start. Lately my boyfriend and I have been fighting so much and the fights are generally started by me. But heres why. So first of all were in a long distance relationship, where trust is really all you guys have.

 

We got in a huge argument one day and checking out other people was brought up into the argument. He ends up telling me that he’s been checking out girls alone and when he’s with friends, and making commentary with his friends about girls. (Which is honestly so disrespectful since I didn’t even meet his friends at that point in time) He would say girls are sexy, he’d **** them, things like that. I got extremely mad and questioned being able to trust him because of it, would he take action like he told his friends he would?

 

I never did that to him because I feel like id make him look stupid to my friends for dating me, like I wasn’t serious about him. So why would he do it to me? Anyways, recently we saw each other in person for the second time, I went to visit him. No lie, he checks out girls like crazy.

 

 

It was automatic for me to check and see where he was looking since he told me he checked out girls, and I watched him stare at girls while we were together. I understand if this is a guy ive been with in person for a year and a half, but were long distance.. are we not supposed to literally cherish every second we have together? Instead he stared at other girls. Not for 2 seconds.. for like 5 or 10.. he would do double and triple looks. Then he would say he didn’t do it or he wasn’t thinking anything.. but knowing what I know how could I believe that? And if hes not thinking anything and it hurts me to see him do that, it shouldn’t be hard to stop if he cared for me like he says he does.. I never would ask him to stop looking around. ITS WHAT HUMANS DO. But when your staring at other girls, especially if that girl sees, I automatically look dumb for being with him and it’s so disrespectful towards me. He seems uninterested in me and I’m starting to feel low about myself. I’m not over exaggerating;

 

 

 

I tried finding reasons why he was doing it so I wouldn’t start a fight. I’d try catching him look at someone else the same way or just giving myself stupid reasons to let it go, and most of the time I let it slide. Blindly looking around, and staring are very different. Maybe I am the problem and maybe I shouldn’t be in a relationship in general. He wanted me to post my side, so here it is … we are both 18

[Gaeta]

He ends up telling me that he’s been checking out girls alone and when he’s with friends, and making commentary with his friends about girls. (Which is honestly so disrespectful since I didn’t even meet his friends at that point in time) He would say girls are sexy, he’d **** them, things like that.

Is this true?

[d0nnivain]

It's normal to look. However, it's disrespectful to oogle & if you do see an attractive person while apart from your SO why on earth would you mention it later? One fleeting glimpse, OK fine. Still talking about it later, big time problem.

 

You two may be incompatible. Her self esteem shouldn't be that tied up in you but if you are dating somebody & they don't make you feel like the most beautiful & important person in the world, that's no good either.

 

You are also young & immature. I say that not as a put down but because at 18 everybody has growing up to do.

 

Especially if you are in an LDR, the limited times you do see each other in person -- there should be no one else in the room. That concept may be too narrowing & contricting for you at this point.

 

I also suspect that this problem would have come to a head much sooner if you lived closer & saw each other more often. So the fact that you have been together for 1.5 years is less significant. Breaking up may be your best option here before you do more damage to each other.

[Quiet Storm]

There's no way for me to know who's telling the truth here.

 

What I do know is that 18 year old guys are going to be attracted to many different women. However, they must learn to control their behavior in order to be respectful.

 

So you know your GF is very sensitive to this, which means when you are with her you should make a conscious effort to not look at other girls. She's watching what you are doing, so be aware of hoe your actions are perceived, even if you know you are innocent.

 

GF- your BF is not responsible for your self esteem. Guys will notice and appreciate hot women, but their existence and his noticing does not change your value or attractiveness. Men will have the most beautiful woman in the world, and still look, just like they may notice a really nice car, or the way I notice a beautiful sunset or a cute baby. You are taking it personally. If he is staring like you say, its reflection of his character, not you.

 

So if you two want to be together, you have to both make an effort to respect each others feelings. It's not healthy for your GFs self esteem to be this fragile, so maybe she isn't ready yet to handle the stress that a long term relationship may bring. You may not be mature enough yet. You must be aware of your actions and control them when appropriate. She admittedly has low self esteem and will need more reassurance. she will see your attraction to other women as a reflection of your feelings for her. You will have to keep that in mind, so that she can see you are trying and that you respect her feelings.

 

Long distance relationships are hard. You two are so young and shouldn't be spending your days arguing and upset. Sometimes even though you love each other, you aren't right for other.

Edited May 26, 2014 by Quiet Storm

[thuglife]

Is this true?

 

Yeah it was true, she asked me and i was just being honest with her... but it was awhile ago and.i promised her i would never do anythig like that again, eveeer. And i havnt

[Keenly]

Your girlfriend sounds very insecure, and she doesn't realize that its not your responsibility to ease those insecurities, they are hers.

[Gaeta]

Yeah it was true, she asked me and i was just being honest with her... but it was awhile ago and.i promised her i would never do anythig like that again, eveeer. And i havnt

 

So now you are living the consequences of your disrespectful actions. You have broken the trust between her and you, it's your job to build it back. Why should she just trust you because you said you wouldn't do it again? You need to show it. So, if being with this girl is important to you, you will give her your 100% attention when you're with her, that includes keeping your eyes for he only.

 

I agree with her, you are long distance so when you're together make it real.

[shet]

This is a ****ing good post. More people should be able to post a writeup of their problems from the other half's perspective. At least communication is not one of your problems, right? Tell her you've got that at least, and I said so.

 

Sounds to me like you're both a bit right, but you're making a mountain out of a molehill. You shouldn't be ogling girls but you promised to stop and say you have. She's right to dislike you ogling, sort of right anyway, but she's started thinking you're doing it all the time and become a bit insecure about it. You need to really stop doing it and demonstrate commitment to her to calm her down. How dumb are you both going to feel in future saying "we broke up because he looked at other women. yes just physically looked at them".

[thuglife]

This is a ****ing good post. More people should be able to post a writeup of their problems from the other half's perspective. At least communication is not one of your problems, right? Tell her you've got that at least, and I said so.

 

Sounds to me like you're both a bit right, but you're making a mountain out of a molehill. You shouldn't be ogling girls but you promised to stop and say you have. She's right to dislike you ogling, sort of right anyway, but she's started thinking you're doing it all the time and become a bit insecure about it. You need to really stop doing it and demonstrate commitment to her to calm her down. How dumb are you both going to feel in future saying "we broke up because he looked at other women. yes just physically looked at them".

 

 

I tell her its all in her mind because of our problems in the past, she doesnt trust that i dont do it anymore, like i swear its normal look, not even a check out, im not oogling or anything