xboyfriend Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I've been reading a lot of "getting your ex back" guides lately (oh well, I had time so why not). Anyway, they all stress "no contact" for some amount of time. And that part I understand. However, they make it sound like just not contacting your ex for some standard amount of time will automatically make them want you again. Huh? It can't be that easy. I think the only thing going for two people in relationships is that there was enough about the two people that got them into a relationship in the first place. But beyond that, I don't think it is as easy as just no "contacting" them for some set amount of time and then re-establishing contact.
Bumaga vsyo sterpit Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Absolute waste of time (and money). It might make you feel better to think you can impose some kind of rational strategy on the situation, but you can't. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I've been reading a lot of "getting your ex back" guides lately (oh well, I had time so why not). Anyway, they all stress "no contact" for some amount of time. And that part I understand. However, they make it sound like just not contacting your ex for some standard amount of time will automatically make them want you again. Huh? It can't be that easy. I think the only thing going for two people in relationships is that there was enough about the two people that got them into a relationship in the first place. But beyond that, I don't think it is as easy as just no "contacting" them for some set amount of time and then re-establishing contact. Sometimes it is.....some times it isnt. No contact isnt for them to realize their "mistakes." Its for you to move on and realize what person you are. SOMETIMES, those away from the situation realize what they had and understand that's what they want. Thats what not contacting them makes clear. For what its worth, MOST "how to get your ex back" crap is just that....absolute crap. 4
Strength in Healing Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 If I used psychology to come up with the best strategy to get back your ex, it would go something like... When you break up, be respectful and wish them well. Then go 100% no contact. WHEN they text you (and it will likely be a breadcrumb), ask them their intentions. When they give you some BS answer, reply with that you love them very much and would appreciate it if they would simply text you if they want a second chance, and you'll consider it when that day comes, but you cannot remain friends as it is too painful. Go on dates with other women. The end. 7
somedude81 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 The whole point of no contact is supposed to prevent you from screwing sh*t up even more by talking to your ex when you are still emotional. That's where I fu*ked up. I should have just left my ex alone instead of trying to keep talking to her. But I was retarded and I got burned. 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 These guides are 100% BS. They prey on broken-hearts with nothing to lose. Stay away!!!
erklat Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 The whole point of no contact is supposed to prevent you from screwing sh*t up even more by talking to your ex when you are still emotional. That's where I fu*ked up. I should have just left my ex alone instead of trying to keep talking to her. But I was retarded and I got burned. Can I join the club? Yeah, but they say for a month. I believe 8-9 months would be appropriate. 1
somedude81 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Can I join the club? Yeah, but they say for a month. I believe 8-9 months would be appropriate. Hah! I wish I was able to go a month of no contact after she dumped me. It's a lot harder than it seems. Of course we've been no contact for at least two months, now that she's blocked me from everything.....
ayala Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 The concept of no contact is the whole "Out of sight, out of mind" kind of deal, I think. You start to realize, whether you were dumped or the dumper, what all the mistakes were, what drove you two apart, and also what kept you together and drew you together in the first place. It gives you time to sort it out and see clearly. You can't stay friends while you're still in love with a person and expect to be able to move on easily. It doesn't work that way when you're constantly reminded of why you liked them in the beginning. 1
David87 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Once you broke up with someone or you've been dumped that's it, there's no turning back IMO... and all those ''getting your ex back guides'' are a scam. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 30 days. 60 days. 6 months...There is no time limit. NC is not to get your ex back. It's to get you back. That's it!!! For example, I am currently at 14+ months of NC, and I haven't gotten my ex back. But I have gotten my life back. Get it?? 7
Hello201 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 this is day seven of her breaking up with me and day seven of no contact , god i have waivered 100 times a day but so far i havent i spent the last three days with a really good friend and family who give me the time to listen and gave me thoughts to the situration her first words were im totally shocked i didnt see it coming ( neither did i ) we went thru different reasons and she thinks that because i gave her what she never had before she got scared and ran in case i was not able to cope with all the proplems in the future and i broke it off so she took control for once in here life , hence my no contact ive always been there for her and me not helping her as her best friend which i was is against every bone in my body but i have no choice i cant hurt her she is hurting so she may be regretting what she did i know she is but she will have to realise that she does want me on her own without me and if she wants to try again then my friend said its not over there is more to come but you cant sit around its not fair on you do NC for your self its the only way
zen2475 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 All those guides do is prey upon the heartbroken and the desperate. A total waste of money. NC is the only way to go. NC will not get your ex back, but it will help you heal and gain the perspective you need to move on. There is no set time frame for healing from a break up, and everyone's respective situation is different. 1
Virgin26 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I have been in No contact 6+ months, and I have not moved on at all. No contact didn't help me move on to be honest, but it kind of helped me preserve what's left of my dignity. I carry my pain in silence and my ex doesn't have to know about it! As far as he knows, I already forgot about him... No Contact will help you in some ways, but it won't get your ex back. Besides, why would you want your ex back when she broke your trust and threw your love away? Always remind yourself that she made a conscious and premeditated choice to live the rest of her life without you, and she was fine with it! 2
SCJACK Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I have been in No contact 6+ months, and I have not moved on at all. No contact didn't help me move on to be honest, but it kind of helped me preserve what's left of my dignity. I carry my pain in silence and my ex doesn't have to know about it! As far as he knows, I already forgot about him... No Contact will help you in some ways, but it won't get your ex back. Besides, why would you want your ex back when she broke your trust and threw your love away? Always remind yourself that she made a conscious and premeditated choice to live the rest of her life without you, and she was fine with it! Because some people are stuck on the good memories and that is enough to want them back no matter what they did to you. 1
hoping2heal Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I've been reading a lot of "getting your ex back" guides lately (oh well, I had time so why not). Anyway, they all stress "no contact" for some amount of time. And that part I understand. However, they make it sound like just not contacting your ex for some standard amount of time will automatically make them want you again. Huh? It can't be that easy. I think the only thing going for two people in relationships is that there was enough about the two people that got them into a relationship in the first place. But beyond that, I don't think it is as easy as just no "contacting" them for some set amount of time and then re-establishing contact. No, it isn't that easy. I am guessing that one wants to rest on the idea of "make them miss you".. Well here's why that philosophy fails: If someone has chosen to break up with you, they made a conscious choice to not have you around. So, either they are at the point where they would really rather not see you, or they already know they will miss you but they also know the relationship cannot work so they are committed to the breakup, or they don't really want you but..it's a lonely night and they are feeling insecure. There's always that 3% "other" category, for those who want the ex back. The other thing is, people forget what actually happens if a reconcile does happen. Of course it can be successful - not saying that at all. However, depending on how much time has passed the dumpee is going to feel a lot of hurt over being dumped. Hurt that subsides quickly post reconcile and then rears its ugly head in the form of insecurity and doubt, and possibly a myriad of other emotions. The relationship is no longer the same and maybe in some cases that's a good thing, because it's what the RS needs to thrive but in others its not so good. It's like going back home only to discover it's a different house and the neighborhood has changed. 3
FredJones80 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Go on dates with other women. Is this advice universal brother? Just wondering if you advise the same for Woman
lauri Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 (edited) I talked with a lot of my girl friends (friend's who are girls) about the whole concept of getting back together an ex boyfriend after my breakup. Majority of them concluded to me that if a girl loses interest in you, 99% chance she will never regain it back to the point where she loves you again. Normally, because they lost the "spark / love" for a few months and built up the courage to finally end it. They've explained to me that when they break up with a guy and he goes no contact, it drove them insane with guilt, regret and even doubt their decision. However, a few said that eventually, that will get a hold of their ex boyfriend or the guy contacts them and it makes them realize that the reasons for breaking up with them have not changed. I'm sure the same concept would apply for guys. NC is a tool to get yourself back on your feet and to move on, not to get back an ex. Sure, sometimes people get back together after breaking up...but it will never be the same anyways. I say you're better off to build a strong new relationship with someone new and not make the same mistakes you did in previous relationships. Look at the positive of a breakup, you can learn a lot about yourself and take valuable lessons into a new relationship. Edited May 26, 2014 by lauri 1
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