Husband cheating for 2 years, don't know what to do or who to tell or where to go.

[imurhuckleberry]

My husband and I were each others' best friend and spent 16 good years primarily together exclusively with the exception of a few people we would see from time to time. We worked together and were togehter 24-7 for 7 years with no fights and only good times. 2 years ago, I found an email open on my computer that my husband had written to 'his special lady'. When he came home I confronted him and he said theywork on a newsletter for work together and she was going thru bad times with her fiancee. Said she is the exact opposite of all we do so there is nothing there. He just wants us to spend more time together. He misses being us.

 

I changed my schedule so our days off would be together. Things calmed down. Then a year ago, I found him making late night calls on his cell. Confronted again, he said he and I don't have anything in common anymore. We work in 2 different jobs now and he doesn't have anyhting to talk to me about. I ddidn't understand and tried harder than ever to be aprt of his life. He then started lying about working on days off and I found out he was with her. He would stay out 'drinking with the guys' until1-2am he said. He would even stay all night so as not to drink and drive, he said. Said he was driving to his Mom's to help her around her house on our days off. Now I realize all of that was lies.

 

He got a transfer in July, so I took this as a chance to start again. His bosses even said they'd get me a job. Sold our house bought a new one together and I moved with him. I packed and unpacked everything. I set up the new house with no help from him. He started only coming home2 days a week Ties night and Sat night(which still continues today). He was driving 150 milesd 2-3 times a week to be with her. She by the way was employee of the year the same year I found out about the affair.

 

Thanksgiving he drank alot and really verbally lambasted me and I've never seen this side of him-so angry. I took pills during our argument and ended up in the hospital overnight. The next night we cried together and he was sorry he said so many horrible things. But he is still not coming home. He does still put his check in the bank. I had asked him to be civil to me-he is. I pay all the bills, run the household. Not a word of appreciation of how nice I have been by not yelling and calling his bosses. He has a new beautiful house and lives out of a duffle bag.

 

How can someone you were joined with so completely for 16 years turn and be so heartless, sneaky and lying? I honestly do not know what to do, who to tell and how much mess to stir up. I need his money right now because our bills are so much more in this house and I need to get on my feet at my new job. At times I want to make them pay. At times I hope he'll come back and we can be how we used to be-I know that won't happen, but I do dream.

I need to have some direction, please! Find a lawyer or deek psychiatric help? It just insn't fair their little world thinks they are both so sweet when they are both cheaters and liars.

 

I need some advice, some direction please.

[FolderWife]

 

His infidelity is going to destroy you. He is chosing himself over you, and that's never good in a relationship. You don't need his money...is there someone that you can stay with? A friend, a relative? Can you go back to your old town, and get your old job back?

 

Heck, just stop paying the bills! You have no marriage now, he's never home. Since he's being so freaking sneaky, open you a savings account, and transfer money from your joint account into YOUR account, until you have enough for a security deposit. Get a lawyer as soon as possible.

 

My cousin just got divorced, and his wife gets alimony, even though SHE'S the one that cheated, because she was dependant on his income. Since you've been dependant on his income for soooooo long, and since the break up will be his fault, I'm pretty sure he'll be slapped with alimony.

[Ladyjane14]

Step one is for you to make an absolute decision on if you really even want this guy back. Don't underestimate the importance of that. Affairs usually burn themselves out, and then the WS (wayward spouse) wants to come home.

 

Sometimes, we find ourselves so shocked by an affair that we'll promise nearly anything in order to fix the marriage. Then later on down the pike, we find that we really don't want that cheater back in our lives.

 

It might not be a bad idea to consult with a lawyer and find out what your options are. You don't have to file if you're not ready. It's very comforting to have the information available.