1q3455402828193 Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 I'm not very good at relationships, due to lack of experience (I'm 20 years old). But, I have been feeling this connection with a guy at my church and I'm not sure if I'm seeing what I want to see or he feels the same way. We have been at the same church for years...4 years now to be exact. And the other thing is that he's about 33 years old. I don't mind the age difference, because he doesn't look or act his age. Here are some signs I picked up that explains why I feel this way: - One day after church, I went to shake the pastor and the elders' hands and I saw his mom and shook her hand as well. She asked me, "are you taking care of my son?" Very shy I said, "I guess". And she said, "No you will". To this day, I am still trying to decipher what she meant by that. - sometimes he will remember my birthday and message me on Facebook and say Happy Birthday - one day, he took the time to recognize that he had a pocket handkerchief that matched a skirt I was wearing. Even took me to his office to show me the evidence. - I was at a social gathering and he was there. While I was watching tv, I felt someone looking at me. I turned and he was staring at me very hard! (I did smile and spoke to him to break the awkwardness lol). - we were playing taboo at the same social gathering and he was operating the buzzer during my turn. And he kept buzzing me for no reason lol. He was playing around, but he didn't do that to anyone else but me. - anytime he looks at me, it is like a gaze. And it feels like he's looking into me. - he offered me a job last summer. It was a volunteer operation, but he knew I was looking for work and offered to pay me. He invited me to the pre-planning meetings, where he would ask for my input. Made me feel like I mattered to him. - he's always offering me food when he has some and I'm around. - I'm in college, so I go home for breaks. When I leave to go back to college, he fake cries and says "don't leave me." - I saw him yesterday and I shook his hand in church. He made his eyes real big and stared at me to make me laugh. And I noticed his gazed drifted to my lips. Are these signs that he likes me? I have no idea! When he's around me, he doesn't say much but he'll definitely stare at me. But when he's around other people, he is very talkative and sociable. Could he be shy? My friends think he is waiting until I'm a little older to pursue me. Especially since my parents go to the same church and are very protective of me. Any takes on this situation? I like him and I'm very attracted to him. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a chance and it's all in my head.
Omei Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 It might be in your head those sound just like hes a polite man. None of that sounds flirtatious to me. Honestly even if he did like you I suggest that you find someone your own age it might be fun for him for a while but eventually the relationship would hit some major age gap issues for him regarding you.
Author 1q3455402828193 Posted May 25, 2014 Author Posted May 25, 2014 And how would you explain what his mother said? Although i have asked for an answer, it seems as if you are more focused on the age difference. I'm okay with the age gap.
iiiii Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Hard to say if he likes you, from all that. Some of those things are kind of flirty, I guess. But also he could just be being friendly. If he really intended to make a move he'd probably invite you out to do something by yourself (not in a group), right? And he hasn't done that. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I think he may find you attractive but the age & life circumstance difference are keeping him at bay. At 32 he dosen't really want to have to explain why he's dating a college kid. It's not like he wants to take you to the graduation dance. Do nothing. If you are both still single after you graduate, see what happens then. 1
Author 1q3455402828193 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 The thing that I can't let go of is that. He shows subtle signs. The thing with his mother.....him awkwardly staring at me when I shook his hand last week... I definitely agree that my age probably makes him back away from asking me out. But, from the signs I've seen, is he attracted to me?
Author 1q3455402828193 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 Should I give more subtle signs that I'm attracted to him or just wait until I finish college to pursue him?
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I think he may find you attractive but the age & life circumstance difference are keeping him at bay. At 32 he dosen't really want to have to explain why he's dating a college kid. It's not like he wants to take you to the graduation dance. Do nothing. If you are both still single after you graduate, see what happens then. I agree with the above. He sounds mildly interested but not serious about taking it any further. I would wait on this one. You're at very different points in your life right now, which can really complicate a relationship.
KathyM Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I agree with the posters who are saying that he is probably attracted, but doesn't pursue it because he thinks the age difference is too much.
littleplanet Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I'm not very good at relationships, due to lack of experience (I'm 20 years old). But, I have been feeling this connection with a guy at my church and I'm not sure if I'm seeing what I want to see or he feels the same way. We have been at the same church for years...4 years now to be exact. And the other thing is that he's about 33 years old. I don't mind the age difference, because he doesn't look or act his age. Here are some signs I picked up that explains why I feel this way: - One day after church, I went to shake the pastor and the elders' hands and I saw his mom and shook her hand as well. She asked me, "are you taking care of my son?" Very shy I said, "I guess". And she said, "No you will". To this day, I am still trying to decipher what she meant by that. - sometimes he will remember my birthday and message me on Facebook and say Happy Birthday - one day, he took the time to recognize that he had a pocket handkerchief that matched a skirt I was wearing. Even took me to his office to show me the evidence. - I was at a social gathering and he was there. While I was watching tv, I felt someone looking at me. I turned and he was staring at me very hard! (I did smile and spoke to him to break the awkwardness lol). - we were playing taboo at the same social gathering and he was operating the buzzer during my turn. And he kept buzzing me for no reason lol. He was playing around, but he didn't do that to anyone else but me. - anytime he looks at me, it is like a gaze. And it feels like he's looking into me. - he offered me a job last summer. It was a volunteer operation, but he knew I was looking for work and offered to pay me. He invited me to the pre-planning meetings, where he would ask for my input. Made me feel like I mattered to him. - he's always offering me food when he has some and I'm around. - I'm in college, so I go home for breaks. When I leave to go back to college, he fake cries and says "don't leave me." - I saw him yesterday and I shook his hand in church. He made his eyes real big and stared at me to make me laugh. And I noticed his gazed drifted to my lips. Are these signs that he likes me? I have no idea! When he's around me, he doesn't say much but he'll definitely stare at me. But when he's around other people, he is very talkative and sociable. Could he be shy? My friends think he is waiting until I'm a little older to pursue me. Especially since my parents go to the same church and are very protective of me. Any takes on this situation? I like him and I'm very attracted to him. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a chance and it's all in my head. You say you have lack of experience in relationships. Could it be possible that he has that same lack? And for the same reasons? What you're describing here is an incredible innocence. On both sides. That's not a shortcoming or a disability. It is what it is. There's a movie you should both watch together. It's called "Remains of the Day" After watching it, have a conversation about it. You might be surprised about what gets revealed. (both of you) You're old enough to be a young adult. Educated enough to engage in intelligent conversation. Rather than remaining mute, open up some lines of communication. Lack of relationship experience is far less important than lack of life experience. Rather than over-analyzing these things - if it matters, it is far better to have a bit of direct information. You have a crush. You've also grown up very protected. Here's something. If he does feel attraction, he could also be very well aware of how protected you are. He's religious. Which probably means he's a very moral man. His core values no doubt dictate his actions (which means, no actions at all.) It could be (considering all this) that he believes he is sending signals. But a lack of experience on both sides - means that his signals are very subtle. So you're both sort of stuck in that, you know? I mean - that's what experience does. You read signs that let you know. Age difference notwithstanding. The very best person to discuss this with - is the man himself. It doesn't have to be the blunt, direct approach. Be subtle yourself. He's not a raving predator. He's a moral man. If he is attracted (and too shy to do anything about it) it is no crime or calamity. Morality can have its own brand of opressiveness, you know. In situations like this it can seem to go from being your best friend - to your worst enemy. Moral dilemmas are what they are. A little bit of creative spark can go a long way between people who like each other. 2
Author 1q3455402828193 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 @littleplanet Wow! You defined my dilemma to perfection! You definitely posed some questions that I must think about! And from all of the answers here, I'm going to keep the line of communication going with this guy and then see where it leads us after I'm done with college. I have been communicating with him and we are slowly becoming more and more comfortable with talking to one another. It's just that the physical chemistry we have is INSANE...it throws me off sometimes lol. 1
still_an_Angel Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 I'd be wary of his mother... she sounds very dominant and is obviously keeping a close eye on her son (and his lovelife). Do you know much about his past relationships? Has he been in serious relationships before? Sounds like he likes you but does not know how to express it thus comes off as goofy. 1
todreaminblue Posted August 16, 2014 Posted August 16, 2014 @littleplanet Wow! You defined my dilemma to perfection! You definitely posed some questions that I must think about! And from all of the answers here, I'm going to keep the line of communication going with this guy and then see where it leads us after I'm done with college. I have been communicating with him and we are slowly becoming more and more comfortable with talking to one another. It's just that the physical chemistry we have is INSANE...it throws me off sometimes lol. little planet has a way with words..his posta are a pleasure to read...his post is perfect as always....i hope you do keep the lines open it is tricky for both of you, but probably worth it, whether you like it or not or even when it should not be an issue, it will be an issue for others.... the snide comments and let them go over your head and smile ...and think nothing of those comments... be prepared for a backlash ..hopefully it will be minimal.... .....if something does eventuate dont let others dictate or sway in the slightest how you think or feel ...do what feels right for you...i wish you well.......deb 2
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