catherineapple Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 This could be a stupid question. But I need some advice. Before I start, I have to clear few things. Actually, I've Never met him. (Only emails, message, phone calls) It is Long Distance Dating. I have known him for 2 months through online dating site. From the beginning, he seemed really into me. He kept asking me my ring size and he told me he wanted me to live with him together. I planned to visit him next month. Since then, he also keeps saying about having children. Sounds so unreal though. He is in his late thirties. He is highly educated, has a successful professional job, and makes a big money. He does not seem like playing a game. He had Not been active online dating over one month. But, today, I found he is active again on the dating site. I mean he even purchased membership program. I know we haven't met yet. It is just dating. But what he has told me sounds so serious so I thought it is already exclusive dating. I'm a bit upset now. I don't know whether I have to fly to see him next month or not.
Treasa Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 You are not dating. You haven't even met. What you have is a correspondence. And anyone talking about wanting to get married to you and having kids with you after a few months of correspondence is someone I would find too scary to actually go meet. Add to this the fact that he's clearly looking to meet other people, and right there I think you have a recipe for a "It was nice talking to you, but I'm moving on now" email. 3
soccerrprp Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 It is Long Distance Dating. You are NOT dating at all. You've haven't even met face to face yet. He can do, search for anyone he wants to. He does not seem like playing a game. He is at best, playing a game. He has NO obligations to you nor you to him. All his words were just BS to hook you, fool you or simply have fun. I know we haven't met yet. It is just dating. But what he has told me sounds so serious so I thought it is already exclusive dating. I'm a bit upset now. I don't know whether I have to fly to see him next month or not. You are NOT dating. He's just a stranger you are communicating with online. Nothing more. Do not fly to him. If there is any chance that you want to ignore the RED flags and try to meet, have HIM COME TO YOU. 2
writergal Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 (edited) 2 months?? RUN. Danger Will Robinson, danger! Don't believe ANYTHING you read where online, long-distance communication is concerned. Until you meet in person, everything online is a fantasy until it becomes reality. Save your plane ticket for someone who you know already, whom you've not seen in ages to go visit. Any guy/gal who comes on strong that quickly will suddenly tend to cool as quickly, then quietly disappear from your life. It's because they aren't looking for anything serious. In fact, they don't even KNOW what they want. He could be a player dressed nice guy's clothing too. He's got you in that push-me-pull you dance already (asking you about your ring size yet is active on his online dating profile). What other clues do you need to see the reality that he's trouble? Always judge a person by their actions, not their words especially where dating is concerned. If he REALLY wants to meet you, let him come to you. Don't buy a plane ticket on your own dime to visit him. Make him come to you. If he makes the big money, he can afford the round trip airfare. Trust me. He doesn't sound reliable, (anyone who comes on hot n cold isn't reliable) and it's not worth you investing in someone who isn't a sure bet (which is anyone who is long distance). He could have someone on the side he's considering along with you, but you won't know this until he tells you he's made a choice (and it wasn't you). Do you want to risk the hurt? Ask him to come visit you first and see if he will. If he won't (don't believe any excuses he gives you either, b/c if a guy/gal wants to see the person they're dating long distance, they will make it happen), move on and find someone in your own zip code. Edited May 25, 2014 by writergal 3
almond Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 Um, yeah...I suggest you run for the hills with this one. And perhaps treat what you are told by strangers on the internet with a grain of salt. Remember, anyone can type anything without having to back it up if they don't intend to. If you're going to be talking to random men online, I'd recommend re-adjusting your b.s radar just slightly 3
GemmaUK Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 You're not dating. Neither of you even know if you are attracted to each other yet as you haven't met. 1
writergal Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 That isn't necessarily true. Why else do people online date? You can develop an attraction to someone online without meeting them. Read all the online dating/long distance dating threads here. Why else do you think men (especially) put on the charm and flirt right away with women they meet online? Because they are only interested in political or academic discourse? Men come on strong with the charm online with a woman because they like to flirt, because they like the attention (for their ego), and because they want you to be attracted to them. Otherwise, why do it? Attraction and chemistry can and do happen via online conversation, when both people are being honest and there's no lying from the start. Then I think it is possible to develop attraction online. But if one person lies from the start, then it's definitely not a good situation for the person on the receiving end. But it's hard to know if what someone tells you via online communication is the truth.That is the risk involved with online dating. I think that you do need to spend time in the flesh, with the person you're dating long distance, to see if the attraction you felt online is really there. That's just part of the online dating process. You have to meet the person face to face to see if the months you've invested communicating with the person are worth it, or are a huge mistake. There was a thread posted on LS somewhere about that MTV show, "Catfish," that also discussed the idea of real attraction. Many people on that show went into their online dating with the intention to deceive. It's easy to be lied to, to be manipulated by words on a screen, to become a victim of someone's game playing. It's hard to know if the person you're chatting online with has genuine motives with you, if the conversation never goes offline (beyond phone calls) to a face to face meeting. And even then, you could still be lied to by the other person. I think online dating, especially long distance, has more cons than pros to it. You're not dating. Neither of you even know if you are attracted to each other yet as you haven't met.
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 He's playing you. Men from OLD who talk about ring sizes, living together & kids before having met somebody are LYING & saying anything to get sex. If you have never met him he has every right to still be on the site. I'm sure he's spinning the same tale to every other woman too. Meet him at your own risk but understand he's not genuine. 2
SugarLips72 Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 You are not dating him. You have some pseudo internet relationship which means nothing to him. He has every right to post on internet dating sites and possibly find someone local. It is absolutely ridiculous to think you have a relationship with a guy whom you have never met.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Yeah, this whole thing sounds totally bogus. And you sound very naive. How old are you? Do you live alone? You sound like someone who would be very easy for a dubious man to fool, so be careful. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Yeah, this whole thing sounds totally bogus. And you sound very naive. How old are you? Do you live alone? You sound like someone who would be very easy for a dubious man to fool, so be careful. Oh Lordy! My thoughts exactly. This guy is surrounded by bright orange pylons, red flags and alarm bells going off! Have you Skyped at all? Have you booked your ticket to visit him or is that still just a hypothetical notion at this point? What do you know for certain about this guy? You do realize that anyone can go online and pretend to be anything they want, don't you? Just because you're on an OLD doesn't guarantee genuine or authentic people. In fact, there was a report done that said that OLD sites have become one of the most popular places where scammers of all ranks congregate preying on people vulnerabilities and naivete. Have you searched his picture to see if it's a stock photo? Googled his name or the business he works for to see if they're legit? What kind of homework have you done to weed out the possibilities that this guy isn't a freak? If you haven't done any of it, I think you're a fool to even consider giving this guy one more second of your time. 2
MissBee Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 It doesn't really matter what someone says I've learned...lots of men can promise marriage, kids, this and that with NOTHING behind those words other than mere fantasy, especially if you have never met, sorry to say, but you cannot trust those words and you all have nothing to build on. I would not consider this relationship serious or believe him until you guys have at least met and have spent real time together. If a man had never met me and was saying all this, I would think he was lying or something's wrong with him. Focus on meeting in person and growing your relationship and seeing how your face to face meet up goes BEFORE you buy into these notions about your future. I'd talk to him about that. 1
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