7yearsbroken Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 Yes I did it. I broke NC. I apologize for the rant. I thank you for reading. I got really drunk and I did something terrible. I wrote a email and sent it to my ex after about 3 months of NC, no checking social media.. No conversation etc.. So this email was embarrassing because I wrote sensual things and it was way too personal and much. I really lost my integrity because I know she has a boyfriend.. She already chose to be with him over me and looks really happy. I know it's time for me to move on. After I sent the email. She replied. She replied that she missed me, and misses me everyday because she knows how great of a friend she has lost. She is reaching out to me to talk maturely without anger so we can be friends. I don't want to be friends because I'm not over her. I regretfully wrote that email and apologized for it. She accepted and admitted she was confused and wants to be friends. She wants to meet in person so we could talk. I said no I'm not ready because I might get emotional. She said she may be emotional also. So I've dated my first love for 7 years, she went away for school for a year, found someone else and had GIGs. Now after NC is seems she has missed me, but we cannot meet yet because I'm not over her and I'm not in the shape I want to be in. I'm afraid I'm always taking 1 step forward and 3back. She comes back from school this month after the year away from me, I think she might want to drop breadcrumbs. I can go cold turkey back to NC but I'm very curious to see what she has to say to me. My friends tell me to hear her out because she may just apologize so that we can work things out, or she can just friend zone me to make herself feel better from hurting me and still date her current boyfriend. Either way. I think I should cut my losses and go back NC. We watched the notebook together when it released in theaters. The seven years, the good with the bad.. I still love her and can't help but to be in love with her. Even after she chose someone else.. This is unhealthy. For this I cannot break NC. I truly believe that she loves me deep down inside.. And if I show up now further breaking NC to meet up in person either she'll tell me sorry I was confused lets make things work, or I've changed and you need to let me go because I only want to be friends. This is a hard situation. I think she's moved on though. If she has not NC and working on myself to look and feel better I'm sure one day I can meet her up a better man for myself. At least even if she does not want me I can get my integrity back and know I worked on myself to give us one last dying chance. I don't know why I can't love another woman, or even get attracted to another woman. My confidence is way too low, I'm not where I want to be.. Am I wrong to want to go NC but still hold on to the idea things might work out in the far future? One of our last phone conversations, we both were crying saying that we both didn't give our dying relationship a real chance. Should I still hold on while going NC? Is that oxymoronic?
bluenote Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 It may not be a good idea to meet with her yet,as you say yourself. Could be things get very intimate quick and next morning you have to relive hell when she says sory and goes back to current guy, or even if things dont get physical how does it solve your problem. I don't think you are looking for closure, you still want her. For her to come explain and ask for your forgiveness and go back will only mean you are back ten steps unless her saying whatever will suddenly erase all hurt and thoughts about her. You are right, its perhaps not advisable to be friends yet, you could just be pretending that you are ok with it but it will be torture, how will you diferentiate when she doesn't have all the time for you like before, you could end up a frustrated wreck sseing all the attention the other guy gets from her. Thats like being downgraded, demoted. You had the best of her and now you must settle for seconds.
Peacock_Tail Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 She misses you as a friend and she has a boyfriend. She is probably enjoying her time while you are pining for her. What else do you need to know so you can finally move on and start to be again that amazing guy you used to be?
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