todreaminblue Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 he has been honest with you to me, and i am a fixer upper girl.......honesty is key.......i have had quite a few guys say all the right things everything i want to hear......and then turn out i wish they hadnt been dishonest in the first place......never would have given them a chance...... give the guy a chance based on honesty.....explain how if any of these issues come up from today you wont be able to be in a relationship with him......thats my advice.............close the history books ....open up another book from a clean page at the very beginning....start writing......but....if you are really scared and uncertain....he is not for you..end it now......follow what your heart says.,.......i wish you well whatever decision you make........deb
ThatMan Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) Well he has his son through tomorrow, so I think I should probably wait until he's alone, yes? I just don't want to cause him to hurt himself or be a bad father ... I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do, but as a parent I feel it is. Right. And that's the only reason he's even with you in the first place. He knew immediately that you'll tolerate anything and everything all because you would feel responsible for his own actions. Let me be perfectly clear since you seem to not understand from earlier - We all knew in advance that you'll have a difficult time mustering the strength to leave. And he knew this too. You would have never been showered with all this love bombing, affection, and intensity these past four weeks if you refuse to tolerate his violent and destructive behaviors. People like him simply don't care who you are or what you bring to the table. It's this unhealthy codependency that he's interested in. Maybe you need to witness his suicide attempts first hand, carry that guilt with you for the rest of your life, before you can finally muster the courage to simply leave. Or maybe you can somehow accept it is utterly impossible to make him safe to be around even if you remain, try to appease him, wait another day or just the right opportunity. He will still be dangerous to you, his child, his ex, and that won't change. Putting things off another day won't help you in the slightest. You need to stay away from this person and it's completely unnecessary to explain the reasons why. Edited June 2, 2014 by ThatMan 1
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Well I texted him yesterday and ended it. He responded with he knew it was coming by the way I was communicating at times. That he understood and we were friends no matter what. Then later he texted that he really really fell hard for me and wondered if it was just bad timing or if it was him? I responded and said I didn't want to get into it just that we both need some healing time etc. He said he understood but was sad. Then later he posted on his FB page a scene from As Good AS It Gets where jack Nicholson is asked how to write a woman and he responds angrily about how he just thinks of a man and takes away reason and accountability. He then messaged me and said he was sorry and that he was just reacting and would take it down... And he did. Later I got texts from him saying that he fell in love with me and that he got off phone w his dad asking him to help him ... Have a good marriage like he did w his mom and his dad told him to fight for me since he knew he loved me. He said that he wants to meet for coffee... That he wants to build a life with me. I haven't responded. But I admit it has been hard.
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Well I texted him yesterday and ended it. He responded with he knew it was coming by the way I was communicating at times. That he understood and we were friends no matter what. Then later he texted that he really really fell hard for me and wondered if it was just bad timing or if it was him? I responded and said I didn't want to get into it just that we both need some healing time etc. He said he understood but was sad. Then later he posted on his FB page a scene from As Good AS It Gets where jack Nicholson is asked how to write a woman and he responds angrily about how he just thinks of a man and takes away reason and accountability. He then messaged me and said he was sorry and that he was just reacting and would take it down... And he did. Later I got texts from him saying that he fell in love with me and that he got off phone w his dad asking him to help him ... Have a good marriage like he did w his mom and his dad told him to fight for me since he knew he loved me. He said that he wants to meet for coffee... That he wants to build a life with me. I haven't responded. But I admit it has been hard. So once again he is ignoring your wish and feelings. He wants to build a life with you after what 5 weeks dating? *sigh* can't you see it's written nut case all over this man?
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Well I haven't responded. I am avoiding it. But I admit it does make one take pause.. When you hear that .. But yes I def see your point. Although I do believe that you can meet and fall for someone in 5 weeks...
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Well I haven't responded. I am avoiding it. But I admit it does make one take pause.. When you hear that .. But yes I def see your point. Although I do believe that you can meet and fall for someone in 5 weeks... When you fall for someone hard in 5 weeks it's not love, it's infatuation!! You do not know this man, you know nothing of his mental illness and have NOT educated yourself yet about it right? you have 100 things to complain about his behaviour but you felt for him? How does that work in your mind? This man is all about himself. He is inconsiderate of your feelings, he is not in love with you, he is in love with being in love. If he was in love with you he would make you a priority and his first concern would be your feelings. Nothing is about your feelings here is it? He does not even care you broke up with him, that's not what HE wants so he will now try to make you change your mind.
serial muse Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Well I haven't responded. I am avoiding it. But I admit it does make one take pause.. When you hear that .. But yes I def see your point. Although I do believe that you can meet and fall for someone in 5 weeks... Perhaps, but the careening back and forth between anger and bargaining is at best anxiety-producing and at worst, manipulative. His reaction should reinforce your choice to end it, if anything. 2
irresolute Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I truly think that him talking about his ex and all that he's done for her ( pot, drug pills, whatever) says a a lot about this guy, and obviously not good things. If he truly had an interest on you, you've talked about different things. My guess is that this guy is not over his ex yet, plus he has some addiction problems, or maybe he's borderline, who knows. What you should do is to stop seeing him now. Text him, do not meet him again because you'll get trapped on his sh@t again. Text him and let him know you've decided this is not the right time to engage in a new relationship. Tell him you need to process your divorce. tell him there is a door open in the future (no, but who cares) for you to try again, but right now you've decided you'll be alone. Get rid of this guy before it's too late. PLEASE. Do not get trapped in this circle. I wish I'd had the chance to think clearly myself, now I'm feeling miserable after more than one year trying to make a guy who was not interested to commit. ugh
MidwestUSA Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 What you should do is to stop seeing him now. Text him, do not meet him again because you'll get trapped on his sh@t again. Text him and let him know you've decided this is not the right time to engage in a new relationship. Tell him you need to process your divorce. tell him there is a door open in the future (no, but who cares) for you to try again, but right now you've decided you'll be alone. No, no and no. No need to text him! Don't throw anything out here about it 'not being the right time', 'needing time to process', or worst of all, 'a door open in the future' (to try again - NO). This guy is bipolar at best, perhaps more, not to mention the drug addiction. He will hang onto any glimmer of hope if you throw it out there. Each time he reels you back in, he's going to be more at ease with it, knowing he'll 'win'.
irresolute Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 No, no and no. No need to text him! Don't throw anything out here about it 'not being the right time', 'needing time to process', or worst of all, 'a door open in the future' (to try again - NO). This guy is bipolar at best, perhaps more, not to mention the drug addiction. He will hang onto any glimmer of hope if you throw it out there. Each time he reels you back in, he's going to be more at ease with it, knowing he'll 'win'. No, i completely agree with you. I'd not even text him, but look other posters, some are even telling op to go meet him, that he deserves an explanation! (Poster Keany I think) I also agree this guy has issues and it's better for op to run. Fast
MidwestUSA Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 No, i completely agree with you. I'd not even text him, but look other posters, some are even telling op to go meet him, that he deserves an explanation! (Poster Keany I think) I also agree this guy has issues and it's better for op to run. Fast I'm pretty sure the encouragement to do that was before she broke it off. It's done, and time for NC. Don't break it, OP!
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Thanks for the support. I need it. NC is tough but I recognize that is helpful to focus on the things that have worried me. The moment he told me he had planned his death countless times... That scared me. What if he and I were together and in love and all of a sudden he killed himself? That's the risk with a bi polar person, right? He's on meds but those have side effects too... Trying to focus.
Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 OP: 50% of population is male. You are not going to run out of men to date. You are not going to end up alone, that is only in your mind. There are tons of men out there, nice grounded men that would make wonderful partners you can trust and lean on. This man is not it. He's not the one.
LifeGoesOnMan Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) What if he and I were together and in love and all of a sudden he killed himself? . why would you want anything to do with this guy? my ex turned gf again went through a similar situation with the rebound she got involved with, drug addict, suicide attempts, lets just say it took a long while to un-glue that freak from her and he only knew her for a few months... you don't want to go any further down the white rabbit hole.. just the fact he felt the need to tell you all that... whoa. red flag if there ever was one. Edited June 3, 2014 by LifeGoesOnMan
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