I slapped back my mother and she's acting like I'm the only one wrong

[AthenaDelta96]

Right now I'm pissed off and this just happened a couple hours ago. Just got into an heated argument with her. After exchanging words, she slapped me kinda of hard and then I turned around and slapped her back (though my slap wasn't even hard comparing to hers; would have done it harder if it were a friend or someone else).

 

Part of me feels guilty but then I dunno. She started it. Yet, she was totally shocked as if not expecting it. We're not on speaking terms at this moment.

 

Or should I have just walked away as my older brother suggested. He thinks I was still in the wrong and is also not speaking to me. What was also upsetting is he brought back the ''But I walked away remember'' last year's argument with him as well too. I slapped him because he was being a total jerk. At the point, I got upset and told him to just get out of my room and how this stupid comparison was no where similar to what just happened. They are both acting like I'm the only one in the wrong. I don't think so.

 

Or I'm I really the wrong one? Though I'm pissed off right now, I'm also feeling some guilt at the same time.

[JustC]

Wow, you slapped your mom? How old are you? Sorry, but I'm on the side of your brother. I don't ALWAYS agree with the saying, "Two wrongs don't make a right" but I do think it applies to slapping your mother. If you are in high school or older then you are too old to be slapped, yes. But, she spent the majority of your life disciplining you and it's hard for parents to flip a switch and go, "I have decided she is now a young adult and this is no longer appropriate". There's going to me some bit of messy lines. I think you COULD make this constructive and have a conversation with her about this. Not "I WAS RIGHT" but explaining that you feel you are too old to be slapped and that you were sorry. (If you are?) Maybe some lines of communication should be opened here.

[WHOLESALEPACK]

...................

[Poppyolive]

yikes,

 

you shouldn't of slapped your mother. Even if it was heated and she slapped you, she shouldn't of slapped you, and you definitely should not of slapped her. whats wrong with you guys that you feel you have to communicate like this??

[JustC]

I read your post again. You slapped your brother because he was being a "total jerk"? I think you need to address your anger here. You're feeling guilty for a reason.

[AthenaDelta96]

I know. I shouldn't have slapped her but it happened. I'm 18 so this makes me an adult.

 

I'm angry because they are making this as if it's just me the wrong doer. It would be different if she were to apologize for her part then I would do the same too.

[JustC]

I know. I shouldn't have slapped her but it happened. I'm 18 so this makes me an adult.

 

I'm angry because they are making this as if it's just me the wrong doer. It would be different if she were to apologize for her part then I would do the same too.

 

Why can't you be the one to apologize first? Why MUST it be her?

[AthenaDelta96]

I read your post again. You slapped your brother because he was being a "total jerk"? I think you need to address your anger here. You're feeling guilty for a reason.

That's different. He deserved it. I don't feel guilt over that one incident from last year and it's not like I hurt him badly or something. It was just a slap as in telling him something like enough already.

 

With my mother is different though. I do feel some guilt. Just that I can't be treated as if I'm the only one wrong.

[kaylan]

You NEVER lay hands on your parents, especially not your mother. Thats all I have to really say.

[AthenaDelta96]

Why can't you be the one to apologize first? Why MUST it be her?

She started it. She turned a verbal argument into physical.

[JustC]

She started it. She turned a verbal argument into physical.

 

I remember being 18 and stubborn like that. Don't take offense to that. It's just that you aren't being weak when you apologize when you feel bad. You seem to feel bad, so tell her. Being able to apologize is actually a strength and, trust me, it makes life SO much easier. You aren't walking around with it weighing you down if you get it off your chest. "I regret xyz. I did it because xyz, although I feel really bad about it. I feel that you shouldn't xyz because of xyz."

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I don't care what anyone else in this thread says, if a grown ass adult puts their hands on another grown ass adult they'd should expect to get hit back. I don't care if it's your child or not, you don't get to put your hands on people for any reason and IF you do, you should be prepared for the consequences.

 

My mom hit me with a closed fist once (not for the first time, mind you) after I turned 18 and I hit her right back and told her if she ever did it again, I would not hesitate to treat her like I would any attacker on the street. She never hit me again. And I moved out.

 

This oh but that's you mother!1! nonsense is just that. A parent does not have free reign to lash out physically at their adult child under any circumstances. Your mother should apologize and so should you, but you don't need to do it first.

 

And for the record, I actually get along well with my mother today so this is not coming from someone with "mommy issues" or something.

[Tressugar]

If I would have slapped my mother I wouldn't be alive right now.

[AthenaDelta96]

I remember being 18 and stubborn like that. Don't take offense to that. It's just that you aren't being weak when you apologize when you feel bad. You seem to feel bad, so tell her. Being able to apologize is actually a strength and, trust me, it makes life SO much easier. You aren't walking around with it weighing you down if you get it off your chest. "I regret xyz. I did it because xyz, although I feel really bad about it. I feel that you shouldn't xyz because of xyz."

I'll have a talk with her when I stop being angry. I guess I'll apologize after all and she'll get what she's wanting to hear, even if she doesn't (sucks).

 

Tressuger, maybe in my case it's because I'm slightly taller than her (well by 2 inches) and also outweight her a bit.

[contact1]

There seems to be a lot of anger in your household. Not just because of the argument you had with your mother and you each slapped each other, but you also consider it to be "okay" that you slapped your brother because he deserved it. Let me make this perfectly clear for you:

 

IT IS NEVER OKAY TO PHYSICALLY HIT SOMEONE, NO MATTER WHAT!

 

If you don't learn how to control your anger, you'll end up slapping the wrong person and they will retaliate on you badly. Because right now, I see you getting mad at some boyfriend and in that anger you will slap him, guess what, he might not like that and you may end up with a broken skull.

[ThatMan]

This oh but that's you mother!1! nonsense is just that. A parent does not have free reign to lash out physically at their adult child under any circumstances.

 

We're not even talking about you personally.

 

There should be a vast difference between yourself, a grown adult who is fully equipped to take responsibly for herself and her anger, opposed to a young woman who believes that violence is the solution for common disputes. The OP believes that it is O.K. to lash out physically at other people. She thinks that people deserve to be struck by her, whether that's her brother one day, her mother the next day, and whoever is so unfortunate enough to be around her at all the wrong moments. That belief should be a far cry from justification of self-defensive, and if it isn't from your point of view, then maybe this thread really should become about you personally as well. There are many ways to physically defend yourself without having to get even. I'm actually not so surprised by you. It's a real shame that you've completely negated any positivity within your message by promoting the idea that it's okay to strike a parent.

 

Violence is a cycle. The mother clearly has no qualms with striking her children. The OP clearly lives with the belief that violence is acceptable. Sometimes people grow up surrounded by this behavior and they embrace this model of the world as their own, spending their lives reacting to their own emotions at the expense of other people. The OP is a legal adult. If she's still handles her rage this way, and she's digging her heels in by trying to persuade us that her brother had it coming, then it might be fairly safe to believe she'll continue through life as a human wrecking ball.

 

 

To the opposite of what you've had to say...

I've known a man who is ripped like a tank. He can rip most men apart limb from limb. As a child he was abused - deprived of food, submerged in a tub of ice, his hands forcibly placed on burning furnaces, had several broken bones, repeatedly beaten to a bloody pulp beyond recognition, his genital was sliced with knives, and he was still able to figure out that violence is wrong. When slapped by a parent as an adult, rather than repeat the very same act to get even, he'll actually defend himself by grabbing hold of his father's wrist.

 

So although violence is a horrible cycle, there's more to it than that. Just because a child is brought up being taught to react to the world with violence, doesn't somehow change the fact that adults are responsible for their own actions. Fully independent and mature adults cannot blame away their violent actions by pointing a finger to their parents. As an adult, the only thing preventing you from living a life free from inflicting violence is yourself. The fact that this one man probably endured far more abuse than you ever would, and he still doesn't behave immaturely like you, is truly testament to how much potential we all have; and how complete and utter garbage it is for you encourage others that it was somehow okay for you to punch your mother.

Edited May 25, 2014 by ThatMan

[Smilecharmer]

There seems to be some anger in your household. Maybe after you graduate, you need to find your own place to live.

[RINO00]

As a 15 year-old old guy, all I can say is she's lucky it's not my mother. Mines is not just 5'9 (and yes still taller than me; I'm still growing but catching up) but a hell of a strong woman that she once broke a door as a dare in her late teens. Some friend wanted to her how strong she was.

 

My post makes me sad. I love my mother. I've been slapped by her twice growing up and I never even dream about slapping her. Heck, if I slap my mother, I wouldn't even be posting here.

[AthenaDelta96]

Regarding the incident with my brother:

At the time one of my bf dumped me and my brother instead of comforting me, made commented of how maybe he had his reasons and he added Bet you'll keep changing bf after bf, no wonder none stays. He said it in a very sarcastic way and with a grin on his face and I slapped him at that point.

 

That's what I mean in that he was being a jerk by not at least telling me what a then 17 year-old expected Sorry to hear that, you'll get over it or he isn't worth your time, etc. but what it's like he was practically siding with my ex bf and saying it's my problem to fix. In addition, I was also trying to help out my best friend because she was undergoing a terrible time when her uncle died. Then the other issues is me always trying to maintain my GPA and to hear my brother say that, well I blew up at that moment. It already sucks that he doesn't care too much about meeting my bf. He barely participates in my relationship and my mother is negative to whoever guy I date.

 

As for the update:

This is my final year of HS as I'll graduating by June 3. Now that I'm more calmer yes I have apologized to her (even though she didn't, I do feel guilty now). I've been slapped by her on seldom times when I was kid and one time in my early teens but it wasn't something happening often nor suddenly for nothing. Most of the times it was for backtalking.

 

Well to add a bit more of how this argument turned into that. We were arguing about the guy I'm currently dating and during the argument I went off saying well you don't have to be such a b**** like always. That's when she slapped her and I slapped back.

Been thinking of moving out though but I'm not even working yet. I will after my graduation.

 

 

 

[cocorico]

I would move out. Adults slapping other adults is not acceptable. Adults slapping kids (who are younger, less able to defend themselves) even less so. She has raised you to believe that violence is an acceptable way to resolve disputes, and you've demonstrated that you've learned her lessons.

 

I'd move out of that toxic environment as soon as I could, and hope that you could get some exposure to other, better ways of handling conflict in the meantime so that if you have your own kids one day you don't pass on those same toxic lessons.

 

I'm sorry you had to grow up like that. It's pretty rubbish, but hopefully you'll find other people who can love you without feeling the need to hurt you.

[bubbaganoosh]

I know. I shouldn't have slapped her but it happened. I'm 18 so this makes me an adult.

 

Maybe by law it makes you an adult but you still haven't reached anywhere near being an adult yet.

 

Don't take this as a insult, it's not meant to be. 18 is just a number. I was 18 once and so are a lot of people responding to your thread and there's a lot to learn before your really an adult and one of the things you'll learn is putting your hands on someone in a act of violence is not the answer and it never will be. All that does is put you in harms way and could lead to something a lot worse.