RedTigerNY Posted February 10, 2005 Posted February 10, 2005 hello i am new here so please be gentle with me. i am missing an old friend. we used to be very good friends. she is indian and i am asian/christian. we never wnet out as boyfriend girlfriend because i think of her religion but she showed she was very attracted to me hit on me a lot flirty stuff. we talked every night best friends practicaly. i showed here now and then i liked her more than a friend too sometimes. but nothing more. now she is dating someone (indian) and stopped talking to me. she was always lookin for indian boyfriends when we were friends. i was upset and stopped talking to her and i think she felt bad but i kept ignorin her. i think she broke up w/ her boy but now she still not making any attemp to talk to me. if she really misses me will she come back? what are chances shes just not talkin to me because she knows itll never work out longrun? or does she genuinely not care anymore? if we do talk and stuff she might just wanna be friends again which might be cool but i wanna know if she still has feelings but i know ill never get straight answer from her if i ask her striaght up. sometimes she plays games to protect herself shes real sensitive like that. if u say just forget her she plays games thats not case she needs some growing up but i know this girl is good inside. what do u think
Javelin Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Finally, I get first response! First I'd like to comment on the Topic at hand... Racial stuff is in the way? Should never be an issue if you both like each other.... My parents for instance, from 2 seperate worlds. My Dad's African American and my Mom's from Europe. My mother comes from a very religious family, they expected her to marry a Spanish man; but she married my dad and turns out she couldnt be happier! What do you think? I think you should at least talk to her (in person ) and tell her how you feel about her. See if she feels the same way. Man I'm at a loss for words, I'll take a nap and sleep on more advice.
einahpets Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 i am a white girl living w/ my indian bf. i know first hand how extremely difficult having an interracial relationship can be. i was raised to be strong and independant and that is how i am. however women in their culture are not supposed to be that way. his sisters are in their late 20s and 30s and they still do everything their parents tell them. his sister didn't even get to pick out her own wedding invitations. i really want his parents like me, but i refuse to change who i am for anyone. they like me a lot but i am nervous about how we will get along when it comes time for us to get married or raise our children. the other day i was at work and his parents were coming over to our apartment. we cleaned the whole apartment, but didn't have time for the bedroom so we just closed the door. well aparently his mother (even though she was told not to) opened the door and waltzed right it anyways under the guise of "watering my plants". first of all my plants didn't need watering, she just wanted to poke around. i am still really upset about it especially since there was a playboy on the floor and a vibrator on the nightstand. i feel kind of violated, a bedroom is a very personal place to me. i don't just open the CLOSED door to their bedroom and waltz right in uninvited. his parents really have no respect for anyones elses wants or time, it is always just about what they want. i am trying to be understanding but it is sooo hard. i am not trying to highjack your thread w/ my problems, just trying to give you an example of how difficult it is for her to have an interracial relationship. especially for the women as i understand. when they get married the woman is "taken in" by the mans family. which is easier for me because his family would be getting me. but for a daughter, they would be "loosing her" to a family of another race. not acceptable more most indian families it seems. so if she is like the women in my bf's family, she has to do what her parents want until the day she dies, and thats that. some families will disown their daughter if she takes up with a man of another race. maybe she has decided that men of a different race are not worth the trouble she may get from home, or maybe she wants an indian man to be the father of her children. my advice would be to talk to her. only she can tell you how she feels.
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 11, 2005 Author Posted February 11, 2005 thank u einahpets and javelin your words really mean lots. wow einah i cannot beleive u are going thru almost same thing as me (except i am not really her b/f yet hopefully). yea i wanna be myself and keep my identity but im willing to change some cos i love her so much. maybe she was shey too about her feelings. im supposed to meet her today and i wanna let her know i think of her for real and that my heart is all hers and that i think she is my soulmate b/c we share same values and i dont care we are of diff races and no other girl compares t o her. i wanna marry this girl evntually but i dont wanna scare her off too cos shes still flirty with the men and i think wanna just live her life now or somethin. i wanna tell her about my intentions to marry her tho. i dunno she might not just like me anymore thats why she aint talkin to me. well i guess ill spill my heart out anyway ...am i being stupid i think she might be goin out w/someone now but i gotta let her know
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 12, 2005 Author Posted February 12, 2005 she said she never knew i had feelings for her and if she did she wouldve dropped her ex in a sec. she always thought i was to god for her or something. this other guy is a problem. she seems realy insecure and now has to decide whether she wants me or her current guy (we talked about it). im giving her time to think about it. shes talking to her sister today who is real conservative. and mybe her parents too.theyll probly side with her current boy who is indian. oh mannnn so stressin right now
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 13, 2005 Author Posted February 13, 2005 she's put off gettin together w/ me and talkin for another day.. im real scared here man.. maybe if she wasnt w/ a new guy things might be easier.. any suggestions i could do to improve my chances w/ winning her back? or atleast, convincing her we're meant to be
einahpets Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 i would not pressure her and give her as much time as she needs. with my bf, he pursued me for a year before i finally gave in and dated him. and it was the best thing that happened to me. you may have to wait for a while. just stand by her, be her friend and give her plenty of space.
Javelin Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 Nps bro, Sorry for another late reply. Lost the thread... she said she never knew i had feelings for her and if she did she wouldve dropped her ex in a sec. I believe you still have a chance. If things arent working out and he's a problem as you say; stay in her life and be supportive, try not to smother her or make her decide between you 2. Also Einahpets made really good points, and I'll agree fully! Good luck man, I hope you 2 work out for the best...Together or apart!
greenhorn Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 Hey Man what you got the information about the indian girl's flexibility and limitations in taking decisions ..i am afraid to say it is true..but your case is bit different..if she can get a boyfrnd of her choice and could date him then it does not make any difference whether it is you or some indian.... The tough part is to have a bf for her and if she is open to this concept then you still have hope... wish you goodluck...
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 13, 2005 Author Posted February 13, 2005 thank u javelin an greenhorn. good words. ok ill gotta force myself to just hold it up and wait. gotta do whatever it takes to show her im for real. it feels weird tho cos i feel like im the backup plan or the lost pup taggin along. im puttin down my pride but ur right i may scare her off if i try to make her decide - even tho i REALLY want to. if i mean that much to her then shell choose me right? ah i dunno.
Israfil Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 Red: First, back off. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Being too clingy will just be counterproductive. Second, realize there is nothing more you can do. You just have to wait it out. I would also suggest setting limits for yourself. Don't let her toy with your feelings indefinitely. Good luck!
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 she said if i told her earlier that if i showd had feelings for her, or put the moves on her then she WOULD have gone out with me. she said she's never put the moves on guys first, they always did it for her. but now she has a boyfriend. and she said she loves him. and she said she could picture marrying him. and she said he makes her happy. and that i am smart and handsome and have good qualities and she loves/cares for me too but that she doesnt believe theres just one person meant for another person in the world. why did she say then that stuff like 'would u go to a foreign country with me' just a couple days ago? or that stuff like 'i could procreate with u wed have beautiful children' and told me stuff about her culture and said she respected christianity and my religion, and held my hand and sat on her bed when i pourd out my feelings to her? i don't know. this was bad timing too i guess since its vday and she said shes gotta be with her bf. shes been putting off getting 2gether w me for a couple days to discuss this 'issue.' i feel utterly lost. i feel like when i distanced myself from her a long time ago, it didnt actually help. she never came back. i feel so empty. she said she wanted to be friends but i cant bare to do that. i said it hurts too much to see her w/someone else. i said she gotta come to my door and say No she dont love me to my face. she said shes comin soon tonight. later. after she meets w/ her bf ("u know, i told him about u, but its vday, so.. u know"). so it sounds lke she doesnt take me seriously but this whole thing is f'd up.. i wish i never left her to have 'time alone'.. aw man...
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 i real need to know what u guys think...
guest Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 honey, i know you are stressed about your situation. but bumping your topic is just irritating to people and makes them less likely to answer you Qs. you have already bumped it four times.
jen03 Posted February 20, 2005 Posted February 20, 2005 Hi Red, I know it's easy for me to say 'Relax!' but I do understand you must feel you're in limbo here! From what you've said, I think your friend sounds confused. Some of what she says to you sounds like she wants to marry you, and then Boom! she says something about her current guy. She might be going through a whirlwind of emotions here and needs someone stable, and that's why she's holding on to her current guy. It also sounds like she still has some growing up to do, and to sort out her feelings for you. She might want to please her family. But then again she might also really love her current guy for being there for her. If you can manage to put off your pride for a bit, stick around and be there for her, but DON'T be annoyingly there alllll the time. I think you made it more than clear you want to be with her. The ball is in her court; if she decides she really wants you back she'll come. I don't know what else to suggest doing in the meantime, except keep an open mind - there are so many other girls out there
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 21, 2005 Author Posted February 21, 2005 jen thank u. i tried lettin her know i wanna be friends than, if anything cos i still want to be in her life. she was real casual about it. we didnt talk much afterwards and she left to go out an party. never got back to me. so i think im gona try the no contact thing for a while......... ur right maybe i did make it clear enough to her that i wanna be with her....... but if she doesnt come back is it a surefire sign shes not interested anymore? how long is the usual waiting period haha
strange love Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Hi well I did no contact to my current ex the first time for 6 weeks and the second time for probably over 4 months. Each time friends said well if she hasnt come around now, she wont. The girl knows how you feel, give it a rest and find something or someone else to do. I know its very tough, theres definitely something special about being in love and being with that person.. it can be very intoxicating. Sometimes the best thing is dropping off the face of the earth for a while. . .
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 hi thank u for the reply. i wish i could but every time i try to turn around some weird shiz happens that makes me think twice.... i have an update tho.... recently i found out she's been talkin to my indian guy friend viraj (who she never used to talk to before) and askin him about me. she never approached him before even tho theyve had a lot of classes together. shes tryin to get close with him for some reason even tho she knows he has a girl (and that theyre real serious, 5 years now). she was gushin about how it was so cool that she never knew they were from the same place, its called ropar in india. right when my friend viraj (the guy she was talkin to) tried to ask her about me some more, like how come she left me and stuff, her boy appears cos she was waitin for him to get out of class or somethin. and then viraj told em he had to leave. yet she isnt contactin me directly... huh?
Author RedTigerNY Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 o yea she also said "u can get my number from james (me), we should keep in touch" and "we're gonna have some indian only parties, u and james should come" that in a joking around tone, from what viraj - my friend who was talkin to her - told me. once again, huh?
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