Should I break no contact?

[Tammie87]

I've been reading this forum for a long time and I want to thank you all so much cause it has really helped me through this rough period.

 

My ex broke up with me December 2013 and he keeps coming back. He tells me that he loves me, he misses me, he dreams about me and he tells me that I'm the one and that we shouldn't give this up. (To make things clear: he's not a player. Not at all. He's a really shy man).

 

I've given him a lot of chances, but he keep screwing things up. Three weeks ago he told me our break up was stupid and that he was sorry for taking all these months to ''clear things''. He told me we are meant to be together. And I was so happy hearing all of this after five months. Every time I felt like I was doing a little bit better, he would text me. It was so confusing, and I was so relieved after all these months hearing those words come out of his mouth.

 

The next couple of weeks were wonderful. And all of a sudden he told me we weren't exclusive and that he had made it clear all along that he wasn't interested in anything more. I thought this was really weird. He's not the type of guy to give false hope.

 

To be honest: even though I love him with all my heart: that was the straw that broke the camel's back. It's too long of a story to explain why, but I just felt used and disrespected. So I decided to finally get over him. I've done everything for him for years and years and I feel like I just get nothing in return. I decided to go No Contact. I sent him an e-mail saying I'm sorry I felt like we were together, and basically wished him a happy life. No sarcasm or anything, just ''being nice''.

 

I was heartbroken. I really was... And I still am. He sent an e-mail back saying to me it was all my fault and that I had made things clear for him that this wasn't gonna work. I never responded to that. Two days later I got another e-mail. He said he wanted me to drop his stuff somewhere else, so we wouldn't have to see each other. Didn't respond to that either. Four hours later I got a text. He was appologizing for the e-mail and said it was stupid. I didn't respond to that either.

 

A week later I got several texts about him wanting his stuff back and he was really pissed off by the fact that I didn't respond. I don't get this at all! He was at my place a month earlier to pick up his stuff, and we got to talking that it was crazy to live without each other. He actually left more stuff at my place after that. We were having a great and good relationship again, after almost five months.

 

But all of a sudden he said he didn't want an exclusive relationship, while he clearly said things the weeks before that we actually were back together again. How is it possible for him to even think that I'm the bad person?! I feel so angry and yet so alone and so confused.

 

He texted me for a whole day and I didn't respond. Not because I didn't want to talk to him (God knows I will always love him), but just because he keeps going around in circles and he has been really mean and disrespectful the last time we talked. How can this even be my fault?

 

I've always been a good girlfriend, I was never too clingy or annoying. I never made a big fuss about whatever he was doing. I've always been sweet and caring and I gave up a lot of things for him... how can he be so hurtful and disrespectful?

 

Anyways... I'm really sorry for the long post.... I just wanted some opinions: Since I've been on NC for about two weeks, and he keeps calling me... Should I respond? Should I tell him I want to talk to him? Or should I leave it all behind and move on?

 

Seems impossible though... I really love him. I seriously don't know how to live without him. Should I tell him that I miss him? Or is he playing some nasty ego game?

 

Help me out please, I'm about to lose my mind.

[flitzanu]

if it hasn't worked like five times in the past, why do you think it will work out now?

[roe007]

ahhh well my friend it is better you realize the fact that he is going around in circles and it will never get better. You have given him more chances and if he was really into you he won't do this. Just ask yourself if he really loves you? You love him right? will you do something like this to someone you love?You have all the answers for whatever questions that come up. So it is better to move on. There is nothing like we can't live without someone. I am going through a break up myself and trust me when you seriously put effort to make your life better you will feel happy but it takes time.

 

Keep the no contact part give back all of his stuff and when he comes along don't just give in another chance. Build some self respect you don't let him use you again. Believe in yourself and make your life better. I assume you are a good person you can love someone genuinely but not this guy. He is not genuine your experience tells you that. Friends can only advice it is your life your decisions that matter the most. My advice just move on he is not worth your effort.

[d0nnivain]

At some point you have to make arrangements to return the stuff. How you do that is up to you. But you do have to get his stuff back to him somehow. If you really don't want to see him can you enlist help from a good friend to make the exchange?

[Tammie87]

Thanks for responding! First of all: I don't think it's gonna work out, that's why I decided to go No Contact. Not because I want to ignore him or get him back, but I feel like it's the only option for us to finally let each other go.

 

The reason why I didn't respond to him wanting his stuff back is because he is always using ''his stuff'' as an excuse to talk to me, or to keep in contact and he eventually gets all jealous about what I've been up to and who I've been seeing. And that always leads to me thinking that he doesn't want this breakup at all. He even contacted my best friend that he had made a terrible mistake, and it just gives me hope. When we finally did get back together and he left all his stuff, I thought everything was gonna be wonderful, but turns out he changed his mind after all... And it leaves me all hurt.

 

It's not like the things he left are really important, so it's no big deal if I wait a few months. Though I want to thank Donnivain for pointing out that we do have to make some arrangements. I just texted my ex that I'll get back in touch with him whenever I feel less angry and that it's really hard for me to have a normal conversation with him right now, because I'm really angry. He didn't respond, so that's a good thing I guess.

 

I'm so confused right now. It's not like any breakup I ever experienced and I lived with a boyfriend twice. Both times I was feeling pretty down, but still felt like it was for the best. This just doesn't seem to make any sense. We were perfect together and we really connected for the past six years. I don't understand why he is always causing trouble whenever things are looking up. It's not just in our relationship, he has issues with money and his job too. I can't believe why he wants to screw everything up so bad...

[Elle1975]

Thanks for responding! First of all: I don't think it's gonna work out, that's why I decided to go No Contact. Not because I want to ignore him or get him back, but I feel like it's the only option for us to finally let each other go.

 

The reason why I didn't respond to him wanting his stuff back is because he is always using ''his stuff'' as an excuse to talk to me, or to keep in contact and he eventually gets all jealous about what I've been up to and who I've been seeing. And that always leads to me thinking that he doesn't want this breakup at all. He even contacted my best friend that he had made a terrible mistake, and it just gives me hope. When we finally did get back together and he left all his stuff, I thought everything was gonna be wonderful, but turns out he changed his mind after all... And it leaves me all hurt.

 

It's not like the things he left are really important, so it's no big deal if I wait a few months. Though I want to thank Donnivain for pointing out that we do have to make some arrangements. I just texted my ex that I'll get back in touch with him whenever I feel less angry and that it's really hard for me to have a normal conversation with him right now, because I'm really angry. He didn't respond, so that's a good thing I guess.

 

I'm so confused right now. It's not like any breakup I ever experienced and I lived with a boyfriend twice. Both times I was feeling pretty down, but still felt like it was for the best. This just doesn't seem to make any sense. We were perfect together and we really connected for the past six years. I don't understand why he is always causing trouble whenever things are looking up. It's not just in our relationship, he has issues with money and his job too. I can't believe why he wants to screw everything up so bad...

 

Box his stuff up, drive with a friend to his house, have the friend drop off his stuff.

 

I wouldn't wait months to give it back. It's over now.