Girlfriend of 9 months can't stay the night because of her parents, she's 25...

[silversun]

I don't think she's hiding me although her parents may not approve of me. I graduated from a 2 year college and I'm non religious. She graduated from a 4 year college. I really don't care what they think. What bothers me is my girlfriend might be swayed from them when we do finally meet if they don't like me. Guess there's going to be some discussions happening soon about all this.

[bubbaganoosh]

If her parents are that up tight, I wonder if she was adopted because I'm having a hard time believing that her parents had sex yet.

[HappyLove]

So there's no racial or much cultural difference but there is a religious difference? Well, I think you have bigger problems than her not staying the night. She lives with these people and somehow never invited you in? There's something more going on. You need to meet the parents or at least ask why this has never happened. If it's that bad that once you meet them they'd forbid her to see you or something, wouldn't you rather find out sooner than another 9 months in? Are you sure she's only dating you? Have you met any of her friends?Just seems hella sketchy.

[silversun]

There's a but of a cultural differences, her mom isn't from the US and is ultra conservative just like her dad. She went to and all Christian school before college. I'd sure hope im the only one she's dating, I'd be furious otherwise... I'll ask her soon what the deal is.

[silversun]

I have met her friends and been to a lot of her work functions so I don't think she's trying to hide me, not entirely at least.

[HappyLove]

Well that's good you met the friends so she's not hiding you. Would be interesting to see what she says regarding why she's never invited you in or introduced you to the parents in almost a year relationship. Just be nice and calm about it. Maybe there's a good reason? Good luck.

[silversun]

How do you think that this isn't a problem...?

[littleplanet]

So I've been dating my girlfriend for around 9 months now. She lives with her parents that are very conservative and christian. She is not. Because she lives with them and the fact that her parents make her feel guilty for not spending enough time with them, she has only stayed the night twice. We could never go on a trip because of this. It pretty ridiculous when you consider she is 25 years old. I've talked to her about it a few times and she said she would talk to her parents but that it would be gradual. I'm kinda pissed about it to be honest. She's an adult and should act like one and not have to have the approval of her parents for everything she does. What's my move here?

 

 

Pointers here:

 

The parents are conservative.

Do not underestimate the freakin' power of that little persuasion in this sorry day and age.

 

The parents are Christian.

(Could they possibly be fundamental?) That's the big enchilada.

 

 

At any rate, they have no problem ordering their adult daughter around like she's still a teenager.

 

She lives at home because she's paying off student debt. Welcome to the 21st century!

 

All you're up against, dude - is a little bit of ultra-conservative religiosity.

Thanks be to the blue heaven above that she doesn't follow those same precepts herself (but still has to abide by them)

 

 

But she does have to keep the peace with her protectors, food and shelter providers. That's just a fact.

Cut her some slack.

 

If she's worth it to you - have some patience. It's not forever.

It's not even for really that long a time.....

 

Her future is not with them.

It could very well be with you.

 

She's educated. She works. She has some kind of adult life outside of the home...

Once she actually leaves that home - why, she'll have herself a whole lot more!

(It's called independence.)

 

I dunno......could be that her mom follows that good old thing about how a woman (of any age) NEVER leaves her father for anyone - other than her husband. And the transition should be seamless.

 

So be thankful that your gf doesn't happen to think like her mom.

 

Don't push it.

This kind of situation (sadly) is not so very uncommon these days.

[FitChick]

She spent the night twice. Did you actually have sex? What did she tell her parents?

[Trimmer]

Find somebody else that has few morals to you two will have something in common.

Boy, punctuation and spelling would really help here, I think. Did you mean to say "Find somebody else that has few morals too. You two will have something in common." If you meant something else, could you clarify?

 

The fact that you think this is a problem is simply mind blowing. Good for her.

Good for her? At age 25, remaining stalled at approximately a 17-19 year old stage of emotional development with respect to her independence from her family? Sure, good for her, I suppose, as long as it works, but not real hopeful from the perspective of entering a caring, potentially long-term, adult relationship.

[hoping2heal]

Your move is to find a way to accept it, or walk away.

 

25 years old and she's still not able to assert herself or think for herself without their input? Unless she comes to a realization this is a problem on her own (and not because you tell her it is) then it's going to be very difficult for her to have any genuine motivation for breaking this dynamic.

[Damaged217]

OP, I don't know if this was mentioned in other posts as I only glanced through them, but is your gf paying them any kind of rent?

 

I was in a similiar situation as your gf. When I graduated from graduate school, I was in severe debt thanks to student loans. I chose to move back home to pay some of that debt off. My parents (mom especially) are hardcore Catholics and had negative views about me sleeping over at a guy's house. I got a new bf while I was living with them and my mom gave me SUCH a hard time about things. I was paying rent though and I just had to stand up to her and tell her that I was going to do what I wanted to do. I was paying rent and they had no say where I went. They just had to deal with it. Eventually my mom realized that her complaints went through one ear and out the other and she stopped her b itching.

 

I suggest your gf pay them rent, even if it's only a couple hundred dollars. Then they really have no say as to what she does. I don't think her parents would ever kick her out. They know they would never really see her if they did that.

[silversun]

I know she helps out with bills but I don't think she pays rent. From what she's told me I don't think she's ever stood up to them. I don't really see her starting any time soon. I'll just have to talk to her some more, thanks for the suggestions.