whatwhit Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Happy Memorial weekend everyone! So last night I had a first date with a guy I met on OKC. I think it went pretty well, he was very attractive, and we seemed to have a good conversation flowing. It's a first date so those can tend to be awkward sometimes in general. The date went pretty long met up at 8pm left around midnight. He would do little gestures that people do unconsciously that show signs of interest like, touching my arm/ knee while talking and complimented my jewelry etc etc. I was wearing some pretty rocking wedges so he decided he would help me across and we ended up holding hands from that point until we got to his car. As we were driving back to my car; he asked if I wanted to watch a movie at his place it was midnight and I was tired so I declined. The goodbyes of first date are always awkward cause you have that moment like, ok do I kiss you? Do I not? Do I hint I want to go out again? Do I not? Haha. He asked what I was doing over the weekend, and we said we would sync up to hangout again. That whole should we kiss thing or not kiss thing happened, and he just ended up kissing me on the check, and then we left. Checked OKC this morning and he logged to his profile at 12:45 AM like 45 mins after our date. I just kind of thought that was not polite, and then he looked at my profile around 9 something morning. 1.) Is it rude that he logged in. Should I assume that is a sign that maybe the date didn't go as well as I thought? 2.) Is it OK to text him a thank you text letting him know I hate a great time or should I wait?
Keenly Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Don't worry about him logging on or not logging on. You had one date. You are not exclusive. Just jeep moving forward with what your doing. Text that you had a good time and that you'd like to go out again some time.
somedude81 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Your whole entire thread is about him logging into his OKC profile after the date?! How is that an issue of any importance at all?
Author whatwhit Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 that and wondering if it's ok to text after a first date. there are so many opinions about it. Some people think it makes a girl look desperate . . and some think its a nice gesture.
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 If you had gone home to watch a movie with him at midnight, he would not have logged on to OKC. I'm not saying you should have gone because more likely than not, that invite was leading to one place. At 12:45 he was awake & bored & looking for companionship. He logged into a website. He didn't go to a bar & pick up somebody else. Plus it was 1 date. It's a big nothing. Absolutely text him & tell him you enjoyed the date but then back off. 2
somedude81 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 that and wondering if it's ok to text after a first date. there are so many opinions about it. Some people think it makes a girl look desperate . . and some think its a nice gesture. It's perfectly fine to text him after the date saying you had a good time. Though you should refrain from trying to set up another date. Also, if you send the, "I had a great time last night." And he replies, "Great I did too." Don't become upset that he didn't mention going on another date in that text. Give him time to make the next move. 1
Strength in Healing Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 that and wondering if it's ok to text after a first date. there are so many opinions about it. Some people think it makes a girl look desperate . . and some think its a nice gesture. Good God I hate this subject. LISTEN. And not just you, but EVERYONE IF YOU LIKE EACH OTHER IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU TEXT THAT NIGHT. Goodness. There are no "well you should wait exactly 12 hours and 3 minutes to avoid seeming desperate" Get the hell outta here with all that. 4
FitChick Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 By inviting you to his place, he was hoping to get laid. That doesn't mean he only wanted sex but since you don't know him, it was a possibility. If he asks you out, go if you like him. Just remember that inviting him to your place or his = sex. 1
Author whatwhit Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Ok I just sent him a thank you text . . guess we'll see what happens or doesnt happen haha. 1
Author whatwhit Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 I texted Hey thank you for last night! I had a great time! He replied back shortly after no problem, I did too! No mentioning of a second hang out . . and I know y'all said to not get upset if he doesn't mention a hang out.... but fewajfoewajfoewafea LOL
somedude81 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I texted Hey thank you for last night! I had a great time! He replied back shortly after no problem, I did too! No mentioning of a second hang out . . and I know y'all said to not get upset if he doesn't mention a hang out.... but fewajfoewajfoewafea LOL Ha ha ha ha! Told you so Just sit tight and wait! Don't text him again. By wait, I mean get on with your life and occupy yourself.
Author whatwhit Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 but fo reals! how is not mentioning not a bad sign
somedude81 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Just chill out. He needs time to wind down. Think about how he feels for you. Then he needs to decide where to take you. He's also probably thinking that if he expressed wanting to go out with you again, so soon after the last date, that you'll think he's needy.
Dallers Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Many potential relationships start and end with s**t like this. It is this social media age we live in making people crazy and causing mass outbreaks of over-thinking. You learn from Online Dating to always keep your options open because that first date rarely if ever leads to anything and you do not have time to waste. You should be still Online looking too.
HappyLove Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 You must be new to OLDing because the fact that your concerned about him logging back on and not asking for a second date yet is concerning. You are getting too attached too soon. Really you should be setting up some other dates in the meantime. OLDing doesn't always work out so don't put all your eggs in one basket.
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 He didn't mention a second date when he replied to your text because he too is afraid of appearing too eager. Think about all the fretting you did about whether to send the text or not. He's doing the same thing. Give him some time so he can look cool & aloof.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 You must be new to OLDing because the fact that your concerned about him logging back on and not asking for a second date yet is concerning. You are getting too attached too soon. Really you should be setting up some other dates in the meantime. OLDing doesn't always work out so don't put all your eggs in one basket. Good point, but have to say, those who are not advanced or expert online daters, and have really only met people maybe in real life will base the online dating interactions as they would if they met someone from a friend, at the gym or where ever. I know when I first signed up, I was looking for "one" to get to know, not many. Online dating can work that way, but the way it is set up, it allows for more options so people don't commit to only seeing one person so quickly. If you were to meet someone in person like from a friend or whatnot, and you kind of liked them, then there is more of a possibility of them not dating around if not on a website. The options aren't immediately available. Probably why I am not a good online dater. Im not a one to many kind of guy.
MissBee Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 (edited) Happy Memorial weekend everyone! So last night I had a first date with a guy I met on OKC. I think it went pretty well, he was very attractive, and we seemed to have a good conversation flowing. It's a first date so those can tend to be awkward sometimes in general. The date went pretty long met up at 8pm left around midnight. He would do little gestures that people do unconsciously that show signs of interest like, touching my arm/ knee while talking and complimented my jewelry etc etc. I was wearing some pretty rocking wedges so he decided he would help me across and we ended up holding hands from that point until we got to his car. As we were driving back to my car; he asked if I wanted to watch a movie at his place it was midnight and I was tired so I declined. The goodbyes of first date are always awkward cause you have that moment like, ok do I kiss you? Do I not? Do I hint I want to go out again? Do I not? Haha. He asked what I was doing over the weekend, and we said we would sync up to hangout again. That whole should we kiss thing or not kiss thing happened, and he just ended up kissing me on the check, and then we left. Checked OKC this morning and he logged to his profile at 12:45 AM like 45 mins after our date. I just kind of thought that was not polite, and then he looked at my profile around 9 something morning. 1.) Is it rude that he logged in. Should I assume that is a sign that maybe the date didn't go as well as I thought? 2.) Is it OK to text him a thank you text letting him know I hate a great time or should I wait? But you logged in too....if you didn't you wouldn't have known he logged in. So perhaps he was of the same mind as you. Granted, you didn't do it 45 minutes later, but still. What made you check his profile? I wouldn't necessarily assume that means anything. I had the app for the dating sites I was on and notifications would pop up on my cell about messages and so on and I'd check them, because it was something automatic that popped up. Doing that would show I'm logged in, even if it was after a date, but it didn't necessarily mean I went out of of my way to log in or that the date didn't go well, just that I checked a message or other notification from the site when it popped up...and after one date, it's still fine to keep options open really, so keep that in mind and don't immediately read too much into it. Expect that in the beginning the person you're seeing probably sees others or will go out with others, and it shouldn't be cause for alarm until you've gone out more and then you can figure out what you all want out of things. Nothing is wrong with texting a thank you. I prefer setting up the second date at the end of the first, but nothing is wrong with saying thanks, then leaving the ball in his court to go from there. Edited May 25, 2014 by MissBee
Author whatwhit Posted May 25, 2014 Author Posted May 25, 2014 Thanks guys for all the advice! So, I broke and just texted him. I didn't text him again yesterday after he said no problem, I did too when I thanked him. I just had waiting, and don't like playing games. In fact, during a first day I prefer if there was a moment where my date and I could be like are you feeling this? No ok cool let's end it, yeah alright carry on then. I just want to know lol. So I said, "Hope you had fun at your party last night, I am about to go to the green belt! Just wondering if you're interested in hanging again, not sure what the "rules" are, but I definitely don't like wasting anyone's time". I know that probably wasn't the right move, but at least I'll have an answer I suppose.
HappyLove Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 You gotta learn to be more patient. It hasn't even been a week and your asking HIM out. Too clingy. Well I hope it plays out for the best. Good luck! 1
Author whatwhit Posted May 25, 2014 Author Posted May 25, 2014 He replied and said . . . "I'm not up to speed on the rules either haha, but yeah I'd def like to hang out again! I want to be honest though and say that I didn't feel a strong chemistry between us that would lead to something more than a friendship. You're fun to hang out with and it seems like we've got a lot in common, so I really would like to be friends if you're cool with that. If not, I understand However, I wouldn't consider a new friendship a "waste of time" :)". So we have a lot in common, and I am fun to hang with? Guess he just wasn't physically attracted :/
somedude81 Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 He replied and said . . . "I'm not up to speed on the rules either haha, but yeah I'd def like to hang out again! I want to be honest though and say that I didn't feel a strong chemistry between us that would lead to something more than a friendship. You're fun to hang out with and it seems like we've got a lot in common, so I really would like to be friends if you're cool with that. If not, I understand However, I wouldn't consider a new friendship a "waste of time" :)". So we have a lot in common, and I am fun to hang with? Guess he just wasn't physically attracted :/ Well, you got your answer, and you didn't have to wait too long for it. Though I don't think that he's not attracted to you. I have a strong feeling that he really wanted to have sex with you that night and when you turned him down, this is the result. You're better off now.
HappyLove Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 (edited) Well you gotta respect him for being honest at least. In the future a man who is interested will ask you out. Sorry, I know it sucks but that's the point of dating, you date and see who you click with and never put all your eggs in one basket. Especially when dating online. You've built up too much with this one guy. Get back out there and meet some other men who I'll be crazy for you! Good luck! Some things you should know about OLDing. *Disclaimer: I never recommend it, it's a waste of time IMO.* Most men you meet are dating others until exclusivity is discuses, even then they could still be dating others. Most are still logging in and winking others after first meet ups. You should be dating others as well until you find someone who also wants to be exclusive with you. It's helps so you don't build up some dream world with a guy you really don't know all that well. Where you went wrong here, you were too clingy, anxious, checking into his page, which I'm sure he can see by the way. Some of these things are a turnoff. I honestly think he did you a favor OP. No chemistry yet he wanted you back at his house. This guy is only after sex and giving you "friendship" he's hoping one day you'll be desperate enough to give it up and then you'll never hear from him again. Just move on OP. These guys run rampant online. Edited May 25, 2014 by HappyLove
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