andyj917 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 My ex boyfriend and I dated for 7 months. He broke up with me about a month ago. Everything was great and we got along until he started bailing on me. We started fighting about it and he decided to break up. We still hang out and everything is almost exactly the same. He acts like my bf still and does little things like play with my hair and kiss me on the forehead. I asked him recently if he loved me and he said yes he did or he wouldn't be the way he is around me and that he doesn't want to love me because he doesn't want to fight and be controlled and have things end up like they were before and me get hurt again. I want to let it go but he keeps giving me this hope and says hes not ready now but he may be in the future. I don't need him to be with me for me to be happy but I don't want to give up because I love him. What should I do? Do you think he is just messing with my head or is he just confused?
stillafool Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I think he is afraid to be in a relationship with you because he feels you nag or argue too much. He is feeling you out without commitment to see if you will change. If you revert back to your old self he will move on. Now, what is your side of the story? Do you nag?
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 You are getting 1/2 a loaf. If you don't want that, take action. Walk away from the breadcrumbs if you want more. If you do get back together be kind to each other. Before you shout or fight, count to 10 & purposefully lower your voice.
Author andyj917 Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 No I didn't argue too much. The only time I would get mad is if he made plans with me then cancelled and I usually let it go but it started happening more. I don't think there is someone else in the picture.
Author andyj917 Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Do you think there is still a chance or do you think I am just setting myself Up to get hurt again?
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I think there's a chance because you seem to have broken up in name only. However the longer you let this not a relationship go on, the harder it will be for him to respect you. You are giving the message that you don't respect yourself by allowing it to continue.
Author andyj917 Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 So do you think I should discuss things with him or just walk away? If I end how things are now then how would our relationship get better?
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I would discuss it with him. I'd start by pointing out how good things have been without the label but then segway into the idea that the label does have meaning. Assure him that re-naming your interaction won't change it's nature & take pains to make that promise true. Ask how he feels about trying again but if he says that he doesn't want any more than what you have right now -- which is basically FWB (even if those benefits aren't sexual) -- you have to decide if it's enough for you. If it's not, your only option is to walk. 2
Author andyj917 Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Thank you! That really helps me. I will discuss things and see how it goes. 1
FredJones80 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 segway http://sunglidetours.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/segway_tour_high.jpg ? 3
Elle1975 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I find that if you don't have the title of girlfriend (girl, better half, partner, wife, etc.. ) and he refers to you as his friend "Cathy", then that's just what you are, his friend "Cathy", not his girlfriend. So this make-believe relationship has to end. Either he's on board, or he's not. 1
stillafool Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 No I didn't argue too much. The only time I would get mad is if he made plans with me then cancelled and I usually let it go but it started happening more. I don't think there is someone else in the picture. Are you sure he isn't dating around? Why would he continue to make plans and cancel especially more than once. This is a major red flag. I agree with dOnnivain that I think he is trying to make you a FWB. Don't settle for that type of relationship if that is not what you want. Sometimes you have to walk away even if you love them. If he is trying to make you a FWB don't settle just walk away and wish him well. Do not go to places where you know you might run into him. Let him wonder where you are. 1
Recommended Posts