Sakra Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Hey I wish I could pretend to be all cheery but I can't... I feel like I'm about to break up with my first amazing love ... and I don't know why He has done nothing wrong, he challenges me, he is passionate and loving in so many ways... I started thinking I was falling out of love back in January, during my first finals period in college (I failed University, something I thought I would never do... I thought I was smart) My parents were furious (their right, but I really really tried to make it work, I studied every night but I have ADHD) They were calling me names, telling me I'm stupid, telling me I was the reason why the family was ruined... But I didn't care back then... I was on such a high from my boyfriend... I started to think I was falling out of love, because I noticed I didn't have that enormous need and longing for him anymore (after 1,5 years) It made me have an anxiety attack. It went on and on and I couldn't let go... I couldn't let go of the thought I was falling out of love and it killed me. Yesterday I cried my eyes out in front of him for the xxxxth time and I asked for a small break. Just a couple of days not talking, no texting or anything. I felt so horrid, so horrible , the man is still so in love with me... and I can't give it back... I want to soooooo badly! I still have warm feelings like 4 or 5 times per time I see him but they only last a second and then I'm back in anxiety mode... I don't know what to do, I feel so guilty, I feel like a horrible person, I feel like I've lost myself completely... I have no passions anymore (the ADHD NEEDS big emotions). I want my boyfriend to be enough, but he's not and now, I keep thinking I don't love him anymore and I should let him go... He's so wonderful, so so so wonderful and loving and he deserves so so much better then me. I want to be me again, I don't want to cry every day, I don't want to be like this, but I'm almost at the end. I'm killing the most wonderful thing and I dont realise it. I don't feel his love anymore, I don't feel appreciation. I only feel fear and sadness because I feel like I have to let him go... I have no future, I don't want to try, I've failed enough, I don't want to think in extremes or black and white and I want to know if what I am feeling is good enough. I don't want to interpret every little thing he says negatively, he never means to say something negative. I'm going to a therapist but he's not helping at all, I can't go to another and I just... I'm almost done... I don't see a future, there is no future, only a grey boring life... I'm ruining a relationship that made me blossom and he is so amazing, talented and strong... I want to love him but I can't anymore, something (this enormous guilt and fear of disappointment) is holding me back and is making me feel no love, nothing, I feel nothing. It has been 5 months...
FredJones80 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I started thinking I was falling out of love back in January See http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/476516-romantic-love-vs-committed-love-food-thought
I'mOldgreg Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 As the Fredjones80 has linked to, the honeymoon period is over, it happens in EVERY relationship, when the lust phase is over you begin to shift your focus back onto your self. Now you are realizing the effect it has had on your studies and your families view of you, this is not your fault, the lust phase is heady and comparable to being high on drugs. The point is, you are entering the stage of the relationship that becomes more about attachment then attraction, this allows for LTR's to last, breaking up with him because he doesn't give you that tingly feeling anymore is probably wrong, if you go from relationship to relationship hoping that will always last you will find yourself in many short term relationships. Most couples reach the hump you have come to, if you genuinely feel that you need to break up to get your own house in order then break up properly and let the guy move on, otherwise be aware that what is happening is natural and if you want to commit to him from here on in more effort is required to do so.
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 You are depressed. Not doing well on your exams & the horrible reaction by your parents damaged your self esteem. In your depressed state you are think you have limited value & you are trying to jettison your life. Go see an on campus advisor / counselor before you do anything. Consider getting a tutor for the classes which challange you. If you don't do well academically that will further inflame the situation 1
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