abstractxparade Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 How do you know when it's normal grieving or when you truly want the person back in your life
STM206 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I think they go hand in hand. Grieving is wanting the person back in your life. Just like a death you reach a stage of acceptance and eventually realize that they aren't physically in your life anymore. 1
I'mOldgreg Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) Ask your self, if that person was with me again would this pain go away? The answer to that is the answer to your question. But that said, there are two parts to the answer, the emotional, that is governed in many ways by the chemistry in your brain, this chemistry is craving the rewards of being with this person and making you feel bad, this is very hard to control, that is why NC is vital to change this. Then there is the rational, the part that is logical, such as how you think about choosing what bank to open an account with. Conclusions can be made, such as, this person was bad for me, they were never interested in the same things, my family didn't like them and so on, by thinking like this you can make actual rational decisions, but the emotional side is always trying to override this system. The emotional still wants them back but the rational may think not being with them is a good thing, this duality is very difficult to balance. You can be cynical and say love is just a chemical trick by evolution to get humans to first procreate, then become parents to ensure the survival of the human race. I digress because this shows how powerful the effect of love is on each of us, it is etched in to our DNA, it can overwhelm us when it goes wrong because it is not just a human folly as poets and playwrights would perhaps depict, but an essential mechanism for human life. My point is, if you want to know if you need them back, ignore your emotions and have a rational conversation with your self, ignore the sexual attraction and write a list of all the good and bad things you had, and think long term. The Grief is just evolution giving you a kick in the arse. Edited May 24, 2014 by I'mOldgreg 2
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 When you get to the 5th stage of grief, acceptance, you won't want them back any more. 1
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