Jkmatic Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Hey all, I'm completely lost and heartbroken. So I've been on about 5 dates with this girl. Every date was perfect. There was communication, laughter, chemistry, flirting, etc. It was obvious we both liked each other, and continued to see each other and text everyday. So the last date, it was like any other dates, we had our first kiss. Everything looked promising. So the next day, something didn't seem right. The usual text was quiet and distance. I texted her and said she was kinda busy. So I gave her space and didn't say much of it. So the next morning, I get a text saying she's still not over her ex. This hurts, and I know I should let it go, but I really like her. What should I do?
Potz4prez Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Hey all, I'm completely lost and heartbroken. So I've been on about 5 dates with this girl. Every date was perfect. There was communication, laughter, chemistry, flirting, etc. It was obvious we both liked each other, and continued to see each other and text everyday. So the last date, it was like any other dates, we had our first kiss. Everything looked promising. So the next day, something didn't seem right. The usual text was quiet and distance. I texted her and said she was kinda busy. So I gave her space and didn't say much of it. So the next morning, I get a text saying she's still not over her ex. This hurts, and I know I should let it go, but I really like her. What should I do? Move on. If she's not ready or whatever, it's not worth your time. She made it clear that she wasn't interested in a relationship. Same thing happened to me, except mine just totally disappeared after a month. Be glad that she was mature enough to tell you. 1
DArtagnan2 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Hey all, I'm completely lost and heartbroken. So I've been on about 5 dates with this girl. Every date was perfect. There was communication, laughter, chemistry, flirting, etc. It was obvious we both liked each other, and continued to see each other and text everyday. So the last date, it was like any other dates, we had our first kiss. Everything looked promising. So the next day, something didn't seem right. The usual text was quiet and distance. I texted her and said she was kinda busy. So I gave her space and didn't say much of it. So the next morning, I get a text saying she's still not over her ex. This hurts, and I know I should let it go, but I really like her. What should I do? First, I am glad she told you the truth about what she is feeling. Many would not. With saying that, you need to back away and let her deal with what she needs to in order to get past her ex. You will probably want to show concern, be that "rock" for her, someone she can lean on and will support her, but that is not a good position to be in, not to mention, she most likely wouldnt go there given the feelings you and/or she may have. When someone is not over their ex they do not have a fair amount available or to offer someone else at that time. They need to take some time and work through whatever it is they need to. Even if she wants to continue, thinking she'll work through it, you need to say No. No matter how much you want to be that guy for her, it isn't ever really going to be fully there until she has moved on from her ex. You are only going to continue to bring hurt on to yourself as long as you stay. take it from someone who has been there a few times. If after she has gotten where she needs to be and you two are to be together, you will have that opportunity then. But now, is not that time. 1
Author Jkmatic Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 It seems like she thought she was really trying to move on, but unfortunately being intimidate made her realize she was not over her ex. That night as well, she mentioned she declined to go to a birthday party she was invited too as well. It happened to be her ex. It makes more sense. My dilemma is I really don't want to give up not knowing. She's different to most girls I've dated and rare for myself to open up. I clearly don't want give up, she is all I see. It's been 1 day now and haven't heard from her. We are mutually quiet. Should I text or call and ask just a casual how's it's going and clearly give her space? The thought she might be out with ex always haunts my feelings! This sucks!
Assasda Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Youre gonna have to get over her. Right now you seem needy for her affection, and she's not even in your life. Call her and tell her, that you understand why she's not calling you, but if she ever wants to go out and have fun, she should give you a call. - Then hang up, and never call her again. You've just got to move on man, as tough as it is. There are a lot of articles on here about No Contact
Joaquin Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Its a hard call but to preserve your sanity you need to just move on. Like most, I too have been where you are now and I can say it was without doubt the WORST feeling, having the girl (in the physical sense) but not really having her heart when I really liked her. It lasted almost a year, which I accept now was MY mistake. I wasnt as lucky as you since the girl i was seeing wasnt honest as your girl is being by telling you that she isnt over her ex. You just gotta chalk this up and let her work through her previous breakup.
soccerrprp Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 99.9% of the time, I'd say don't date a woman who is not over her ex. They time to detox themselves and be ready for another, healthy, relationship or they are really effed-up from the relationship that they're not healthy dating material anyway.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 It seems like she thought she was really trying to move on, but unfortunately being intimidate made her realize she was not over her ex. That night as well, she mentioned she declined to go to a birthday party she was invited too as well. It happened to be her ex. It makes more sense. My dilemma is I really don't want to give up not knowing. She's different to most girls I've dated and rare for myself to open up. I clearly don't want give up, she is all I see. It's been 1 day now and haven't heard from her. We are mutually quiet. Should I text or call and ask just a casual how's it's going and clearly give her space? The thought she might be out with ex always haunts my feelings! This sucks! Well, you do know. She does like you. She wouldn't have continued to keep trying. This is something she needs to process and deal with. It really doesn't have anything to do with you, even though it effects you. If it was me, I would have said I understood. Take whatever time you need to process this. I am here if you need. When you are ready to continue, I would be welcome to it so please keep in touch. Then if I didn't hear from her, I would reach out after a few days and just say "I hope you are doing well and your day is going fairly smoothly." if she responds, I would keep it short but not with an attitude and certainly not with any hope or idea that you two will be back on the dating path now. As for your feelings about her being with her ex. She did turn him down and for his birthday. Although I don't know all the details, it may appear that she is trying to get over him. I know many a gal who wasn't over their ex that would have went with him or went to that party. So try to take solace in that.
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 You say you "don't want to move on not knowing". Not knowing what? She told you the truth: she's not over her EX. She tried. When you two kissed she realized she wasn't ready. What else do you want to know? At best you were a rebound. Sorry.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 You can't really do anything, OP. She isn't ready. Even if you try to keep it friendly/casual, she won't see you the way you see her. I've been in her place. Even though the guy was lovely and did nothing wrong, I simply wasn't ready for another man.
Author Jkmatic Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Update: So I haven't heard from her at all yesterday. Today, I get a text from her saying "hey, hope your having a fun weekend!" I wanted to say so much things but only kept it short and casual.
bubbaganoosh Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 Until she gets the other guy of of her mind and heart, your just wasting your time and passing up girls that are not attached. You don't have to be impolite or ignorant but the more you stay in contact with her, then the harder it will be be to move on.
Fondue Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 Went through this for about 6 months about 2013 spring-fall time. I met a girl off OKC who was pretty awesome and we clicked REALLLLLLY well. We eventually started to see each other so often and acted like a couple that we were actually "dating," but she always refused to put a title on it. I was with her to all events, she was with me, we went on a trip, etc. All her friends knew me as "her guy," and the "boyfriend???" but she always refused to not make it that title because she kept telling me she was not over her Ex, despite me being the most awesomest dude on the planet and she thought she could marry be within the first week of meeting me. Anyway, after months of this ****, I my likeness for her began to just be stalled. Flat-lined, and eventually going down. Meanwhile her's, only went up. She ended up telling met hat she was finally ready to be my gf, and everything was finally great, and that she "loved me." At this point, I couldn't justify being with her any longer because why did I have to wait all this time and "be patient." Makes me the dope. So I left her. SHe always blames me from really destroying her because she had her heart broken twice in a year. And mine was horrible because she really, really, really didn't want to experience a hurt that big so soon. Tough luck. Anyway, lesson here is: Walk away, brah. Not worth it.
Potz4prez Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 Went through this for about 6 months about 2013 spring-fall time. I met a girl off OKC who was pretty awesome and we clicked REALLLLLLY well. We eventually started to see each other so often and acted like a couple that we were actually "dating," but she always refused to put a title on it. I was with her to all events, she was with me, we went on a trip, etc. All her friends knew me as "her guy," and the "boyfriend???" but she always refused to not make it that title because she kept telling me she was not over her Ex, despite me being the most awesomest dude on the planet and she thought she could marry be within the first week of meeting me. Anyway, after months of this ****, I my likeness for her began to just be stalled. Flat-lined, and eventually going down. Meanwhile her's, only went up. She ended up telling met hat she was finally ready to be my gf, and everything was finally great, and that she "loved me." At this point, I couldn't justify being with her any longer because why did I have to wait all this time and "be patient." Makes me the dope. So I left her. SHe always blames me from really destroying her because she had her heart broken twice in a year. And mine was horrible because she really, really, really didn't want to experience a hurt that big so soon. Tough luck. Anyway, lesson here is: Walk away, brah. Not worth it. Damn, you cold.
Author Jkmatic Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 Thanks everyone for the help. I know most of the people says move but I feel like the easy way out? There's have to be a different option. We were quiet for a few days and a day ago she texted saying little things. Should I text her back and ask her how she's doing? Is she waiting on a reply from me? This is driving me crazy
Frank2thepoint Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Thanks everyone for the help. I know most of the people says move but I feel like the easy way out? There's have to be a different option. We were quiet for a few days and a day ago she texted saying little things. Should I text her back and ask her how she's doing? Is she waiting on a reply from me? This is driving me crazy You can't continue emotionally with her because she isn't over her ex. But you can continue getting to know her, being friends, if you want to. Right now your feelings for her are clouding your judgement on how to proceed. Keep the conversations lite and fun, but do reply back to her messages.
waiting4u Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Could be a line she's using to express how she's just not feeling it. I would write her off, definitely. Life is too short to waste on someone who's not into you.
MissBee Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 Hey all, I'm completely lost and heartbroken. So I've been on about 5 dates with this girl. Every date was perfect. There was communication, laughter, chemistry, flirting, etc. It was obvious we both liked each other, and continued to see each other and text everyday. So the last date, it was like any other dates, we had our first kiss. Everything looked promising. So the next day, something didn't seem right. The usual text was quiet and distance. I texted her and said she was kinda busy. So I gave her space and didn't say much of it. So the next morning, I get a text saying she's still not over her ex. This hurts, and I know I should let it go, but I really like her. What should I do? Let go. There is nothing to do besides that really. Dating works best when BOTH people are on the same page and are relatively equally into each other and ready to pursue something together. If one person isn't ready or isn't all in, then all you create is an imbalance where the more invested party (you) will likely get hurt or used. It sucks, but you went on 5 dates, so it won't take you forever to move on from it. Tell her thanks for her honesty and that you like her and should she ever be emotionally available in the future and if you are too, then maybe you can try again.
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