BadAtLife Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 So i have this problem. I've turned to forums because I cant count on the discretion of my friends. So here's my story. I'm 22 years old now, when I was a junior in high school I met and fell in love with this girl. Later on that year our relationship fell through because she felt conflicted after feeling something for another guy. We were on and off all through senior year up until around college. We decided to officially get back together but i ended it after feel as though I was not over being second to another guy. After that we stopped speaking for a couple years. During this time we both dated other people but never really recovered from our time together, it sort of changed my whole perspective on dating. Anyway, she had a steady boyfriend and i was bouncing around trying to feel something. Fast forwarding to the present, I bumped into her on the train. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing/dating again. She left her boyfriend for me and at the beginning I was so excited to have her back with the air cleared from our previous situation. Its been going for about 7 months now. The beginning was fine, we hung out we laughed and did alot of stuff together. But now im starting to realize something. We have absolutely nothing in common. I mean I already knew this and it seemed to be our thing. But now things are difficult. Its hard to talk to her , conversation is really a challenge and I cant relate or connect with her on whats going on in her life and vice versa. She's also kind of selfish and most of our relationship feels like me making sure shes happy or being tended to. She tells me she loves me all the time but I just dont feel it anymore. I dont feel appreciated, I'm starting to think she doesnt really love the real me, she just knows she loves me. Maybe because of our history or perhaps we're just petrified of being without each other for some reason. Maybe I'm over thinking this but I just dont have fun with her. All I feel is pressure to entertain her during the little amount of free time that she does have. Shes very needy and we can never agree anymore on what to do together. Its like if its not her idea or if its not at her house shes not into it. I'm afraid to talk to her about this because shes a perfectionist. They do not take anything that sounds like rejection well. If we ended up breaking up its going to looks like because I'm an *******. Theres no universe in where we would be in agreement that well...we just dont work well as a couple. Shouldn't we be with people that we are excited to be with because your connection/bond with that person is just awesome? I dont know what to do. I need to know for sure what my options are before i commit to do something drastic aka ending it.
Hopeful30 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 All I can tell you is love is not enough. I speak both from personal experience and seeing other failed relationships that started with "just for love".
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Why can't you talk to her? Part of conversation is asking Qs. Do you ask about her day & listen when she answers? Although you were dating on & off, you have known this woman for 5 years. You have to have some sort of clue about her likes & dislikes. Play into them. At some point though you are allowed to walk away if you aren't feeling loved & appreciated. It's usually the woman who starts those conversations but men can to. You will need to be specific. What is it that you want / need? For example, although it's kind of petty, the way my husband signed cards bugged me. He'd buy a card & sign his name -- that's it, nothing else. I sat him down & said I really need you to write Dear Donnivain, and sign it Love, Donnivan's husband. To me just signing his name made me feel like he didn't care. When I explained that to him he told me I was being ridiculous. I didn't disagree but countered that if it was such a nothing thing that took him 30 more seconds out of his life to make me happy, what was the harm. He couldn't argue with that & signed the cards the way I asked. The first time he wrote actual words I cried. If you are sincere & don't attack her even if things don't work out, you will not come across as a jerk.
Assasda Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Sound slike you 2 are not even friends. One thing I have to tell you though, Dont put her on the pedestal. - If she's disrespectful, let her know that. Dont try to coddle her. You can always try to work on your relationship, and like the things that she likes. That'll take some work on your part
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