jt27 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 It seems the very worst and lowest part of my day are the mornings. I wake and I am immediately sad. I am not quite sure why. I am guessing it's because everytime I wake up the reality of it all just smacks me in the face and I have to face the day knowing I lost her. I wake up, look to my side, and I can actually see her face on the pillow. It's awful. Anyone also dealing with this? 4
hudson701 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Mornings worst for me too. It's absolutely horrible. There is a brief second where I awake and my brain is literally thinking of nothing. Then reality smacks me in the face and I'm sad again. The recurring thought every morning is that she really is gone, I am single and I will never see her again. It's actually a relief when I get to the end of the day as I seem to build a tolerance to it by the evening. However, tonight is Friday, she finishes work early and will be going for dinner and drinks with the new fling, followed by sex back at his place. Then out with the girls tomorrow followed by another meet with him on Sunday- this is her habitual routine. It actually makes me cry, how pathetic is that? I just want to forget her and move on, but my brain won't let me. It's crazy. How do you actually let go once you've done all the blocking, deleting etc but the thoughts still come?
Author jt27 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 It's like my heart breaks every morning but like you it does lessen as the day goes on but the sadness is still very strong. I just want to forget her and move on, but my brain won't let me. It's crazy. How do you actually let go once you've done all the blocking, deleting etc but the thoughts still come? I have come to accept that is going to just take a lot of time to get over her. It's probably what you need too...just like all of us. Some more than others. It actually makes me cry, how pathetic is that? It doesn't make you pathetic at all. I cry often. I never knew I could cry like this. It shows that we really truly love them and miss them dearly. I bet after you cry you feel a little better. I know I do. It helps me cope a little more.
FredJones80 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 I think I've cried daily for 7 weeks Don't give a **** about crying, I loved that woman. BTW jt27, you didn't "lose her" she "lost you" 4
FredJones80 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Oh BTW jt27.. what lines did you get from your ex at the end?
Reels Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Oh BTW jt27.. what lines did you get from your ex at the end? Indeed. Whenever I wake up, I think that who I am living for, so yes I also have similar feeling.
Author jt27 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 Oh BTW jt27.. what lines did you get from your ex at the end? I got "maybe you aren't the one" and "maybe it's me". I hate that she used "maybe". Drives me nuts. There were other lines and they all started with "I don't want to..." I think I've cried daily for 7 weeks Don't give a **** about crying, I loved that woman. I cry all the time too. Not ashamed of it. Like you said, I loved that woman. Still do. BTW jt27, you didn't "lose her" she "lost you" Thanks bud. 2
mangetout Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Believe me that feeling will pass. Its been 7 months since he broke up with me and I have become use to not seeing him lying next to me. I still miss him, still think about him every day. But I am coping. Time does ease the intensity of the break up. Ofcourse it hurts to think that he is gradually detaching himself from me too. But one day I will stop caring completely 1
FredJones80 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Damn, 7 months FFS. need to get over this sooner than that
Author jt27 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 Can't wait for the feeling to pass. Crap way to start the day. I really hope after 7 months I will have moved on too Fred. Keep moving mangetout. Cheerin for ya. 1
FredJones80 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 mangetout did I see you're only on day 4 of NC? Perhaps that's why its taken so long. I'm at 7 weeks BU and 5 weeks NC. How about you jt27? I think I need to get to a point where I don't care about how long.
Author jt27 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 I'm at about 8 weeks post BU and about 4 weeks NC. I am not really keeping count but I do get the overwhelming feeling of reaching out often. I really have to convince myself not to. I'm not really keeping track of how long, just trying to take it day by day. To be honest, it's harder right now than ever. Not that I blame myself for what happened, but I am seeing more clearly my failures. I know I will learn from them but it still stings. Are you dealing at all with this Fred? I think I need to get to a point where I don't care about how long. That and I think we need to get to a point where we just don't care period...though right now I can't see myself ever not caring about her.
Author jt27 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 I'll also say I am really fighting the urge to contact her today. Ugh.
Jewels7 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Mornings are the worst for me too. It's link been 2 weeks since the BU. I don't think I'll ever get over it.
FredJones80 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Are you dealing at all with this Fred? That and I think we need to get to a point where we just don't care period...though right now I can't see myself ever not caring about her. Not really, I thought I was doing ok at the end of last week, had a whole new outlook on it, but now I'm back to the slump. Just can't seem to shake it. Just pinging back and forth between.. "I'm better off without her, I did so much, I don't deserve this" and "I WANT HER BACK, WAAAAA" Sigh. I do know I had failings in the r/s - of course, who doesn't, but people have failings in marriages and LTR, but they don't end. I don't think I did or didn't do anything overly bad or wrong to cause the end of it... I guess that's what is so hard to accept. If i was a drunk, abusive, violent, treated her badly, abused her trust, cheated, etc etc etc... endless list... then perhaps I could hold my hands up. but in reality I was OK imho. 2
STM206 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Mornings are always the worst for me. I've come to the conclusion that maybe subconsciously it's because I know my ex is most likely asleep at that time? I can't think of any other reason as to why this would be the case.
Author jt27 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 Not really, I thought I was doing ok at the end of last week, had a whole new outlook on it, but now I'm back to the slump. Just can't seem to shake it. Just pinging back and forth between.. "I'm better off without her, I did so much, I don't deserve this" and "I WANT HER BACK, WAAAAA" Sigh. I do know I had failings in the r/s - of course, who doesn't, but people have failings in marriages and LTR, but they don't end. I don't think I did or didn't do anything overly bad or wrong to cause the end of it... I guess that's what is so hard to accept. If i was a drunk, abusive, violent, treated her badly, abused her trust, cheated, etc etc etc... endless list... then perhaps I could hold my hands up. but in reality I was OK imho. Again, Fred we are like two peas in a pod. I know I didn't do anything to cause the end of either and not getting a real reason as to why is also what is so hard to accept. 1
whatsherface Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 I know exactly how you feel......it's almost been 5 months and I still have dreams about him every night. Waking up in the morning knowing I have to go through life without him is absolutely horrible. I'm so tired of waking up feeling awful. Sometimes I dread going to sleep because I know I'm just going to dream about him. I'm scared this will never end.
FredJones80 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Again, Fred we are like two peas in a pod. I know I didn't do anything to cause the end of either and not getting a real reason as to why is also what is so hard to accept. Obviously we just shacked up with basket cases 1
feelinggood Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 I feel the same. I guess I have accepted the BU, and it's best that we have some space and time off each other to clear things up. But EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. I must wake up to this enormous pain. I can literally feel the pain. And like what FredJone said, it makes it hard because I didn't do anything overly wrong or bad that deserve such heartache. Every time I tried to do something, like going to the movies, I feel the pain again, because I'm not doing it with him now... When will this stop?!! I have been crying like a baby again...... 1
Confusius Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 In my case, mornings are the worst because i dream about her almost every night. She comes and sneaks into my bed, kisses me on the forehead and i wake up(in the dream) I ask" what is this, are you back darling, what happened?" She strokes my face, smiles and says " it's all right darling, don't worry, i love you and always will, it's alright" Aaand then i wake up to an empty room. Awesome...not. 1
FredJones80 Posted May 25, 2014 Posted May 25, 2014 In my case, mornings are the worst because i dream about her almost every night. She comes and sneaks into my bed, kisses me on the forehead and i wake up(in the dream) I ask" what is this, are you back darling, what happened?" She strokes my face, smiles and says " it's all right darling, don't worry, i love you and always will, it's alright" Aaand then i wake up to an empty room. Awesome...not. Sorry this made me laugh, but in a sad way. Just the way you wrote it was pretty funny, but I know the sickening pain that comes with this unfunny situation.
Author jt27 Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 Obviously we just shacked up with basket cases Indeed. She even said during one of her emotional breakdowns "I don't know how you put up with me, I'm such a basket case". Of course, I said something reassuring and endearing. What do I get for my efforts, understanding and compassion? Posting about my heartbreak on LS... And of course I woke this morning and saw her face next me...again. 1
Author jt27 Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 I may be reaching here but I'd like to get some of your thoughts. Over the weekend I started looking through profiles (didn't create one yet) on various online dating sites. The entire time, my ex never entered my mind. Each profile I looked at, I never once compared her to my ex. In fact, it sparked a little bit of interest if only temporary. I know I am not ready to go on a date as the thought of it right now makes me ill. Maybe a few more weeks. We'll see. Could this be a sign I am letting her go? I'm not sure because I felt pretty miserable again this morning and miss her alot (mornings are the worst). Could it be nothing at all? 2 months since BU. Thanks guys.
Author jt27 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Wow, nothing? Haha. Guess I'll take it that is a good sign...
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