algu Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 5 years ago I broke up with my gf (of 2 years) and we've been completely separated since. We have a 4 year old son together (we broke up while she was pregnant). So we still see each other but we haven't had any sort of romantic or sexual relationship since we broke up. She's 26, I'm 31. I feel like an ass for breaking up with her in the first place. I cheated on her and broke up with her after that because I felt like I wasn't happy. I've been in other relationships since but nothing has lasted or felt the same. She hasn't dated anyone since we've been broken up. Her best friend is my friends wife. I don't know her reasoning for not dating. She always seems upset whenever I see her to pick up or drop off our son. To this day we don't talk very much. Every time we exchange more than a "hi, how are you" she either cries or gets visibly upset. Do you think I have a chance at another shot with her? How do I go about it? I've asked her to get coffee but she always says something along the lines of "I don't feel like getting upset".
BC1980 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 5 years ago I broke up with my gf (of 2 years) and we've been completely separated since. We have a 4 year old son together (we broke up while she was pregnant). So we still see each other but we haven't had any sort of romantic or sexual relationship since we broke up. She's 26, I'm 31. I feel like an ass for breaking up with her in the first place. I cheated on her and broke up with her after that because I felt like I wasn't happy. I've been in other relationships since but nothing has lasted or felt the same. She hasn't dated anyone since we've been broken up. Her best friend is my friends wife. I don't know her reasoning for not dating. She always seems upset whenever I see her to pick up or drop off our son. To this day we don't talk very much. Every time we exchange more than a "hi, how are you" she either cries or gets visibly upset. Do you think I have a chance at another shot with her? How do I go about it? I've asked her to get coffee but she always says something along the lines of "I don't feel like getting upset". You're probably going to have to be straight up with your intentions because she is on guard. She is not going to believe you have good intentions unless you tell her. 3
Mariposa10 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Before you try anything else, please think really really hard if you really want to be with her. Are you sure you're not just lonely? Please, do not hurt her again. I'd be very cautious if I were her too. 7
No Limit Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Just because you feel guilty you don't have to be in a relationship once more. There isn't any trust left and if you really want to be anything but a burden for her to see you don't start with this shallow talk like "Oh hi are you?" etc especially if you know it upsets her. And of course she is upset and resents you, she was left pregnant by a cheater. And how is she supposed to go on dates with a child? It's very admirable that she's taking responsibility like this. Leave her be, so maybe she can find a good partner someday. 2
me85 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Just because you feel guilty you don't have to be in a relationship once more. There isn't any trust left and if you really want to be anything but a burden for her to see you don't start with this shallow talk like "Oh hi are you?" etc especially if you know it upsets her. And of course she is upset and resents you, she was left pregnant by a cheater. And how is she supposed to go on dates with a child? It's very admirable that she's taking responsibility like this. Leave her be, so maybe she can find a good partner someday. I agree and disagree with this. It's been five years since they broke up and CLEARLY they both still have feelings about each other. He regrets breaking up with her and she still gets upset around him after all this time. She hasn't dated (probably due to focusing on raising her child and it sounds like she is not fully over him yet.) She doesn't really turn him down when he asks her out for coffee...she's saying "I don't feel like getting upset." that girl is quite obviously leaving the door open for him to grow a pair and make more of an effort. She is letting him know "you hurt me but I still have feelings and that makes it hard for me to be around you." I could be wrong, but I think she wants him back but is very cautious.
No Limit Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I could be wrong, but I think she wants him back but is very cautious. As she should. Pretty sure she knows that a depressive once again-heartbroken mother is rarely a good one. It affects the kids too, you know.
me85 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 As she should. Pretty sure she knows that a depressive once again-heartbroken mother is rarely a good one. It affects the kids too, you know. Oh absolutely, but wouldn't it be great if they did reconcile?? Again, it's been five years! They definitely have a shot. If they both still have feelings then they could really be a family. I think if ALGU genuinely wants to get back with her he should step his game up TREMENDOUSLY and pursue her. 2
Jiivy Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I guess the hopeless romantic in me would love to see you go for it, start afresh and come back to to LS with some beautiful story of lost love and reconciliation. Unfortunately, that hopeless romantic was somewhat shot in the face when I experienced the loss that lead me to LS in the first place... So now? Yes - pursue her if you wish. But only with the MATURE and GOOD intention of being comitted to her again. I can't imagine how seeing you for 5 years has been for her, I give this woman incredible kudos for being civil with you after what you did to her. Be honest, be upfront and make sure you've made the decision in your head that: a) This is what you want because it's HER. Not because YOU are lonely. b) Be prepared to be utterly rejected. Frankly, you earnt it. So with that pretty harsh set of words, good luck. This time, don't be a jerk and I wish you all the best (and yeah, I want to see that lovely reconciliation story if it works out, ok?). 2
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I dont really have a lot of advice but I really do hope this works out for you all, I dont see any reason why you cant try just becareful with the child involved x
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