awesome0 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Thanks community, this site is awesome, and lots of great people, advice and encouragement. My cliff notes breakup story. Two years ago I gave up my career to move back home. My mother had cancer and my father mild dementia and depression. I did what I had to do. I have always been a pillar within my family and friends. An alpha if you will. My mother passed away and I helped my father get back on his feet. I was about a year of my life. Once I felt comfortable I moved to start my new career. January 2013. In march I was in a car accident. It was a rough stretch in my life. In May I met her. It was amazing at first site. We were inseparable. They only snag to me, she was ten years younger. We went on dates frequently, had so much fun. We were official in June most thought it was inevitable but I was still a skeptic. The good times continued. On Halloween after an amazing night I realized I loved her but I didn't tell her yet. Around thanksgiving I started to slide emotionally. It was always an important time in my family. I didn't realize at the time but all of the things that had happened to me over the past few years just finally caught up. All of these things, my family, my new career, just all big boy problems, as well as an identity crisis. I was emotionally shut off. And I felt I couldn't talk with my love about it. Although I still don't think she would have or does grasp all of it. She brought me home for thanksgiving and Christmas which was wonderful if even for a day and if I didn't show it. I loved her friends, her family, all of it. My first Christmas I was raised Jewish. A week after the new year she dumped me. I was crushed though I still don't think I showed much emotion. I made her leave my place that day and went NC until many attempts by her over the course of a week or so. We met up a few days later. It wasn't awful. I got to tell her all these things that were hiding inside me. I was able to tell how I felt about her and she the same. And we were able to talk about us. We made plans for a date a week later or so. She broke them. LC. I'd get a text here and there and send one back but that's it really. She asked me to call her in early march. The reason because I foolishly called to tell me she was going exclusive with someone. I freaked. She did agree to see me the next day. I was prepared, confident with all the anger and passion I felt for her, but finally when I saw her after all this time I just couldn't do it. I couldn't I was exhausted, tired, weak. From all of it, everything. I couldn't give the effort the passion. And it's funny once I left I felt a great relief. The last thing I told her- I love you more than anything and I just want you to be happy. And have been complete NC since. That is my ultimate regret, not being able to express all of me and my feelings to her. There was never anything great about this girl. I've had smarter, driven, better looking women but she was the one for me and I still feel that way. I felt complete trust, humility, respect and no judgement for this girl, feelings I've never felt and we had great times. It wasn't perfect of course plenty of mistakes were made on both sides. Not even sure if I would take her back. She still left. She still threw me away, I don't think it was easy for her but she still found a reason to leave. I wasn't worth it. I wasn't worth being called out on my mood. She choose to loose attraction and dwell till she either met the new guy or just lost her feelings for me. Oh well. I've actually been really great lately. I feel i'm 95% over her and becoming happy again. I've been getting help with my issues, work is great and I smile now. Ive had 2 awful dates, haha. Reconnecting with old friends, hobbies, but best of all not lonely and becoming happy with myself again. It is sad if she even would have taken back I don't think I would be as well as I am now. So like I said the regret is I feel I couldn't give the passion or at least make her realize the love and feelings I had when I was given the chance. If it was today I would be able to shout I love her with a feeling and emotion that I wish I could have 3 months ago. Its inevitable that I will see her again soon, and maybe I'll man up because I have my balls back or maybe ill let her be or maybe she will reach out. I just want her to be happy, it just sux that I think I could make her happy now. Who truly knows........... Thanks for reading, it felt good to type this
learning_slowly Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Sometimes I think breakups happen to let us realise what is missing in our lives. I wish I had come across LS when I was younger. Think what type of person you will be for tge next person you meet. And you will also see any big flaws in their character earlier and can hopefully help them fix them.
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