GDAYIMHERE Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Hi, I split up with my wife about 2008. We split up due to me having mental health issues (not violence:which is really under control) and other factors. It was a amicable split up. She has been overseas for a few years studying as a specialist doctor and only recently requested me as friends on Facebook. She asked general questions/ how I'm going etc. Last week she wished me happy birthday. I know she is coming home for good in July (she is friends with a mates wife). I'm not sure what she is thinking, it has me wondering if she is thinking on restarting a relationship? We did get on great before. Thanks
Carlye_W Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 With an amicable split and decent time for breathing space I can understand that it is confusing her making contact after this time. It is only natural to wonder what her motives might be. However, it sounds like you don't have enough information in order to speculate what she is thinking. She might just cherish you as a person in her life and not want to cut ties, or she might have spent the time missing you and wanting you back. Before exhausting your brain on this, what are you thinking? Would you consider starting something up again with this woman? If so, keep talking and see where it leads. But if not, gently make it clear that you're doing well without her and have no interesting in rekindling things again. The decision to engage in a relationship should be just as much about you as it is about her.
Author GDAYIMHERE Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 Thanks for your great reply. I do still love her. The only sticking point I can see is her mother: I don't think I was approved by her since day 1 but I didn't marry her!
tufa4311 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Thanks for your great reply. I do still love her. The only sticking point I can see is her mother: I don't think I was approved by her since day 1 but I didn't marry her! Who is that a sticking point for, your ex or you? Why is it a sticking point? Why are you allowing it to be a sticking point? The answer to all these questions really stems from a very important word you used in your statement: "approved" Please realize that the only way you can be held back by the fact that someone else has not approved of you is if you, yourself, are seeking approval. If you seek or need approval from her she can feel this and thus will use that power. The power that she only derives from you. And please don't say she does "this" and does "that" and you can't control what she says or does. This is all not true. Your (ex)wife and you are the ones who make the decisions on the relationships you have in your life. If your (ex)step-mom is bringing elements into your life that you do not seek then do not allow her in your life until she respects you. That is your choice, believe me, if your (ex)step-mom wants to be involved her daughters life she will fall in line and respect you. Release yourself from the need to be approved and you will no longer be held back from those who do not approve of you.
redbaron005 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Thanks for your great reply. I do still love her. The only sticking point I can see is her mother: I don't think I was approved by her since day 1 but I didn't marry her! Offer to meet her for coffee when she gets back. Have a chat, no relationship talk just all fun catching up. That should give you a better feel for where she's going. 1
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