ediebrick Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 (edited) I met a guy online for a drink. When we met, he was very nice and we talked for a couple of hours and then he walked me to my car. When I arrived home, he messaged me about how pretty I was, etc, etc. After the initial date, we then had a few more dates that all went well. I could tell he wanted sex but I I never put my situation to let it happen because I was trying to build a relationship first and foremost. In the interim between our dates I noticed two peculiar things: He almost never would text me unless I texted him and, in every single text, he would refer to e as his "sexy doctor" (I had told him I finished medical school last year). I had some trouble initiating the dates because he would tell me he wanted to go to place XYZ with me but he had no money. I know for a fact he makes very, very little (like $3 an hour in Mexico) and I would say I could pay. During the dates he would always be very attentive (run ahead of me and try to open doors, ask me if he could help me carry bags, ask me lots of questions about me, etc). At the end of the dates, I would always have to text him to make sure he made it home ok as he lives in a very poor neighborhood in Mexico. He would always text me back but ++Never++ initiate the messages Recently, on a Wednesday, I asked him out to a Saturday wine festival and he said that he would love to go. However, after he agreed to go, he never initiated any messages, so I became exasperated and just did not mention it again in any of our other messages. On Sunday, I asked him to go somewhere else, and he said he would love to go with me but he had also wanted to go to the wine festival with me and was wondering why we didn't go. I mentioned that I thought he wasn't interested because of his lack of messages and he responded that of course he wanted to see me, even though it is an hour drive to meet. We just went on another date and he again wanted to make out when the date was over and he was super super attentive during the date. I did pay for dinner because he makes very little at his job (he works on an assembly line as a factory worker and makes like $3/hour) At two different points during the date, guys were hitting on me and I noticed he became jealous, but that was the only odd thing. After I dropped him off, he did not text me anything. He had a job interview the next day, so I texted him the next morning wishing him luck and then again asking how he did during the interview,and he texted me a long, loving message. Since that message yesterday, I have heard nothing from him I know looks are very important and you have no way to know if I am attractive or unattractive but I really receive quite a few messages on my online dating profile and guys hits on me quite a bit, so I don't think his reactions are related to my looks Is this guy not interested or what? Thanks for any input you can give me Edited May 23, 2014 by ediebrick
Versacehottie Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 To me, it sounds like there's total role reversal. Since you make so much more and have been the one initiating, you are more like the guy. He is not in the position to initiate with you much for financial reasons and then without waiting for him to find creative and non-costly ways to do it, you took over that role. So now you're stuck with it, ie if you want to see him, he's expecting you to ask him and plan date for most part. To be honest, with that level of financial inequity, I don't know how else it would work, especially since this pattern has already been established. So being that this is the case, I think your choice is just to commit to being that type of leader in your relationship OR let him go. It sounds like you are comfortable enough that you initiated things many times right at the beginning so maybe just give into it. Your guy sounds like he is comfortable enough accepting you as the leader and proud of you so maybe the role reversal (from traditional roles) is just the natural thing for you two. You just will need to give up wanting things the other way. Just be cautious to protect yourself, because I think if you are sensing hesitation from him, realize that a lot of guys don't feel good about the roles this way, which then doesn't make him feel good about the relationship. They may go with it at first because at beginning everything is happy and a novelty and then the novelty wears off. Good luck
Assasda Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Why would you ask this question if you know he's interested? You said he was attentive and wanted to make out with you. I think he lacks some confidence because he's poor, and it seems you are bothered by this, as you mentioned it twice
Author ediebrick Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 Why would you ask this question if you know he's interested? You said he was attentive and wanted to make out with you. I think he lacks some confidence because he's poor, and it seems you are bothered by this, as you mentioned it twice He only is interested when I am with him. If I don't text him between dates, I don't hear anything from him. I mentioned the financial inequality 2x because it the only hypothesis I have for what may be causing his behavior
Potz4prez Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Sounds like you have set yourself up to be a sugar-momma. Do you really want a long term relationship when there are such huge gaps in your situations?
DArtagnan2 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 It could be a number of different things like his cell phone plan (if it is even his cell phone), his insecurities, he isn't a "texter", his lack of having funds to take you anywhere, he may just be looking for sex, and so on... I dont know about you being his sugar momma, although, you never know what situation you are in until after you are in it. I doubt it is about your looks or you not engaging in sexual activities. But then again, why get hung up on whats going on with him. How he is acting is, how he is most likely. This could be how the relationship will go whether he has money or not. You just have to decide if this is the kind of relationship you are ok with. 1
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