Natsume21 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Hey guys, it's me, Natsume21. I'm here with a tad bit of a problem. I have this "friend" that we've been talking for months. She lives pretty far away at the moment and so we're gonna meet in the coming month. We had a discussion about boundaries and what we were doing. She likes me a lot and feels like there might be something there, and I like her as well. However, after my last relationship, I'm trying to be careful. So I asked her if we shouldn't see other people while trying to get to know each other. She said that she was incapable of waiting that long till we meet(btw, that kinda put up a red flag for some reason, but we weren't together so I didn't mind) She told me she had a couple of friends that on occasion they "fill each other's needs" if you catch my drift. So I told her that until we meet, we're both allowed to have sex with others. And these are her words: "As long as you're not getting emotionally involved." Okay. I didn't mind that. But a few days ago this girl asked me out on a date. I told the woman this(I hadn't accepted it by that time.) and she didn't seem too happy. I told her that she wanted her freedom to be intimate with other guys while she waited to see me, so why should I wait around for her? And then the argument ensued. In case I wasn't clear, here's the breakdown. Getting familiar with older woman who lives far away...is coming to visit, we talk about what we're gonna do till the meetup, she wants to keep the men she's got on the side, but is indirectly telling me that I shouldn't be involved with women cause I might get emotionally involved? We are not a couple. I had already asked her if we should focus on that instead till we actually meet, she said she wanted to be sure so nothing definite till we meet, but at the same time, she wanted to have casual, non-committal sex to tide herself over. But I do the same and she's worried I'm gonna get attached and that it's not okay with her. So tell me? What should I do? She keeps telling me she doesn't know WHAT we are, so I told her to figure it out before someone else does.
GorillaTheater Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I'd say she's a little too comfortable with double standards, and a little too possessive for someone you've never even met. At a minimum, it sounds like an ongoing and probably escalating dramafest if you go foward with your plans with this potential nut.
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 When she said you were both free to get your needs met until you met IRL & figured out what you were doing / whether she wanted to be exclusive, I'm sure she meant that. What she didn't want is to have you throw it in her face that you were going out with another woman. Had you simply gone on the date -- which you both agreed was OK because you weren't exclusive -- things would have been fine. She got jealous & snippy.
FitChick Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Neither of you should have said you were dating others. You don't owe a stranger that information.
Author Natsume21 Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 (edited) In all honesty, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to feel. She gets mad whenever I ditch her out of the blue to go to church or do some work in the middle of our conversations And THAT bugs me. When she does it, it's okay. When I DO it, it's disrespectful. Edited May 22, 2014 by Natsume21
Author Natsume21 Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Neither of you should have said you were dating others. You don't owe a stranger that information. Truth is, I agree. At least NOW I do.
Recommended Posts