loulopi Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 there's a cute girl at my local gas station i always stop at after work..... she notices me and we talk but i always get nervous and stammer and cut the conversation short i look weak and nerdy doing that i want to ask her for her number like a confident man but every time i'm about to i get nervous how can i be confident
halfcrazed_i Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 If you're too nervous to ask for her number, why don't you slip her your number when you go there next? Write it on a note somewhere and the give it to her when you're paying for your gas or something. And add a short personal message on it saying that you want to take her out... And then to call you if she's keen.
Versacehottie Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Here's the thing: you just have to lower the stakes. In other words, you've got to mind trick yourself into not putting soooo much importance on this interaction and this one girl. Of course, it could become something wonderful but for your purposes at this stage, remind yourself that you don't know. Basically get back to reality. People get turned down all the time--it could happen---it probably won't be the first time or the last time and you will survive. Ok, feel better? Then next warm up by being sociable with others, especially strangers. It reminds you that all people, even your dreamgirl, are pretty regular and approachable. You will be more comfortable breaking the ice. You could start just by when you run into her talking about other subjects and after a few interactions, ask her out. I tend to think that's the best--for both nerves, awkwardness as well as a positive result. She's just a person as you are. Take it moment by moment. Don't jump too far into the future with your thoughts or how special you believe she might be. The truth is you really don't know yet. That will give you some swag. Good luck! 1
Author loulopi Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 when i see ehr tonight im just gonna be calm and cool and ask for her number
Dallers Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 (edited) Versace is right. You are putting this girl above yourself. I used to do this and now nobody is better than me, I am amazing they should be so lucky to have me liking them and even if they say no it is their loss. You are so smitten by this girl that you are coming across as needy, pathetic and shy. These are not traits a girl looks for in a guy during the first contact. You need to resolve your own issues before going in for the kill otherwise it will be a huge failure. Rejection helps us to understand this, I used to feel the same about certain girls, mess up and get rejected but within like a day or two I couldn't care less and wander why the hell I felt that way?!! It was simple I was doing it to myself. She was just the same as every other girl but because she was a girl that in my eyes was the type I wanted I told myself I must have her. You soon see the error of your ways after a couple of rejections and your skin gets thicker pretty quickly. You may well not get this girl, being afraid of rejection will make sure you don't. Love yourself and it will let you be yourself, in turn she will then want to be with you. Edited May 22, 2014 by Dallers 1
Versacehottie Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Yeah what dallers said. Here's the thing about rejection. Perhaps a smart thing to do is imagine ALL the things you would tell yourself if she DID reject you. How she is missing out on a great guy and reasons a,b,c, thru z. Those reasons you should think of beforehand with the possibility of rejection in mind. It will fire you up. Some people will STILL reject for a variety of reasons--some logical and some not logical. It cannot be helped no matter how perfect you are, for her or just in general. That is life across the board: love, relationships, careers, etc. Things are not always fair or just. What you can do in skew things in your favor, by building confidence. Because confident people seem to do better in life. AND (and this is the important part) they tend to characterize their failures differently than those who go into a hole because of a "failure". It is a #fact that successful people characterize their successes and over-state or over-believe in their personal contribution to a successful outcome; whereas with failures, they tend to blame outside sources and not see it as a result of their personal characteristics. This is VERY helpful because it gives you inward focus that is positive (when successful) and when negative event occurs there is an outward blame. Gives you the ability to pick right back up and move on which gets you to your goal quicker. As an example, if you asked this girl out and she said no, a confident guy will tend to see it as a problem with her or her situation NOT with himself. He may or may not take some factual info from the interaction as his responsibility as errors and areas where he could do better but wouldn't dwell on them OR let her saying no ding his confidence. Make sense? Honestly, there are some great books that study secrets of successful people which can be applied to all parts of your life. And you can observe in it action with those in your life that project success. It's all very interesting and powerful because there's quite an edge that you can have that not many people have. The other thing that I said about talking to strangers and such is that you need to start taking proactive steps IN LIFE regardless of outcome or importance. It will help in all areas. Certainly in asking out a virtual stranger. I think you can get up to speed relatively quickly. I stand by my original advice and agree with dallers that it would be better and more smooth if you have a few convo's, flirty interactions with her before you ask for her number. About 3 would be good. Just talk to her a little longer than a regular customer the first time, find something to comment on and be flirty. Then build on that the next time; try to get some bit of personal info from her so you have something to connect on--ideally about a place or activity she likes, then it will just be a normal extension of your conversations to suggest going out. Tell me what you have noticed already about this girl and I can help you.
hatem10 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Hey, there's no shortcut to becoming confident. First of all, it seems you're uncomfortable around women. You need to take action and start talking to women and been around women much more often. You will become more confident the more you learn and progress. To learn you have to take action. Good luck, Joe
Author loulopi Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 im going to ask her tonight for her number
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