Spectre Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) So just a quick update. Went and took a poly Friday. They asked a bunch of pointless questions but the one that mattered, Has she had any type of sexual contact with anyone after she had sex with me. She said no and the guy said it was 99.2% chance she was telling the truth. She didn't say much after that or at all this weekend. Then I get a call from her today at lunch. She tells me that she was sorry for what happened and she understood my trust issues. But says I should have believed her. Then tells me that she thinks our marriage has quite a few issues and is to far gone to save at this point. I asked her what next and she said she was going to go to her moms until she could get a job and get on her feet and wants to see a mediator about dissolving the marriage. All I said was ok. At least I know the truth now. Guess I can start planning to move on myself. Okay now I am really confused. The ENTIRE POINT of the poly was to see if you guys could be together, but she passes and then says she wants to dissolve the marriage? Am I missing something? That was money wasted then, the poly only matters if this woman was going to stay with you. I really hope she isn't leaving you because you merely made her take the test, because then that speaks volumes about how awful this woman is. She says you should of believed her? Well, that is her fault, not yours. It was her actions that lost your trust. DO NOT let her turn this around on you. What a piece of work this woman is. Yeah, you dodged a bullet here then. Edited June 2, 2014 by Spectre 1
Author 68_f100 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Okay now I am really confused. The ENTIRE POINT of the poly was to see if you guys could be together, but she passes and then says she wants to dissolve the marriage? Am I missing something? That was money wasted then, the poly only matters if this woman was going to stay with you. I really hope she isn't leaving you because you merely made her take the test, because then that speaks volumes about how awful this woman is. She says you should of believed her? Well, that is her fault, not yours. It was her actions that lost your trust. DO NOT let her turn this around on you. What a piece of work this woman is. Yeah, you dodged a bullet here then. I don't think she is awful. Remember I was not a good husband/ father the first 10 years. I think she has just had enough. I can't blame her. If she doesn't love me or want this I don't want to keep her here. Yes she had an EA but that's where it stopped. She never went to a PA. To me that means she was honest with me and really felt bad about what happened. She wasted wife I had hoped she was. I'd take that over finding out she was banging a bunch of guys while we were married any time.
alwayshere Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Give her some time. She may come around. I read your thread, and I think the test was necessary. You needed peace of mind. She is hurt because she wanted you to believe her. But I think even she knows somewhere inside that you needed this. I think you show incredible character by understanding that she has valid feelings too. That means you care. That is a good thing.
happyman64 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 68f100 Now go be the best man and dad you need to be. Divorces take time. Show her who you really are.
Spectre Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I don't think she is awful. Remember I was not a good husband/ father the first 10 years. I think she has just had enough. I can't blame her. If she doesn't love me or want this I don't want to keep her here. Yes she had an EA but that's where it stopped. She never went to a PA. To me that means she was honest with me and really felt bad about what happened. She wasted wife I had hoped she was. I'd take that over finding out she was banging a bunch of guys while we were married any time. I'm sorry dude, but either way she cheated on you. Don't make this about yourself. It's just utterly astounding to me...why bother with the test if she is leaving? This woman is playing games with you and yet you defend her.
Man Mountain Makino Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 She tells me that she was sorry for what happened and she understood my trust issues. But says I should have believed her. In the context of what has been going on, exactly why does she feel you should believer her? Unbelievable.
beach Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) So you had reason to believe she may have cheated - based on what she had been doing - and you asked for proof and she supplied it. Now she wants to D? That doesn't seem like a wife that's invested in the marriage and intends to earn your trust. That sounds like a gal that's using an easy excuse to get out at this point. Is she still at her Moms? Did she find a job yet? It's good that she intends to work - she should. Providing for herself and the kids will be useful. Her intent with her texts was to try and meet with the guy#2. She intended to cheat. That would create ill feelings in any marriage. Edited June 5, 2014 by beach
Author 68_f100 Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 I've been in NC with her since she left at her request. I just drop the kids off and pick them up from her moms house. I don't ask and they don't tell me anything about what she has been up to. Honestly it's not bad and if she isn't happy anymore it's better she fine someone/thing that makes her happy. I got a call from a mediator to meet next week and get the ball rolling. Just going with the flow now.
Spectre Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I've been in NC with her since she left at her request. I just drop the kids off and pick them up from her moms house. I don't ask and they don't tell me anything about what she has been up to. Honestly it's not bad and if she isn't happy anymore it's better she fine someone/thing that makes her happy. I got a call from a mediator to meet next week and get the ball rolling. Just going with the flow now. Good, to be honest you should never ever speak a word to this woman again unless it has to do with your kids. So if you are discussing the kids and she begins to branch off into a non-kid topic you need to just turn your back on her and walk away. That would be all kinds of awesome if you did that.
Chi townD Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Sorry you're going through this. But, I would like to remind you that she did have and Emotional Affair. Therefore, she WAS cheating on you. And if the opportunity to allow it to go physical would have presented itself, I have a feeling she would have jumped at the chance. Remember that. Right now, she's pissed, but the thing is, it's HER fault that she's even in the position to get pissed!!! Let things cool off and see what happens.
Spectre Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I feel this is a lost cause though. This woman cheats and then gets pissy over a polygraph? The level of utter disrespect for her husband is mind blowing. If she had an ounce of love or respect, she would of taken that damn test without a word of complaint. So does he really need to see what happens? Her actions already show she doesn't love him, why waste more time on her? This woman took a poly and then used that as an excuse to leave him.
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