Gaeta Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 1. How old is his child? 2. Why he doesn't bring his child to his place like any other parent would do? 3. When he stays at his ex house over night and she is not here why does he sleep in HER bed? instead of staying in the guest room. 4. Are you familiar with the condition bi-polar? When these people feel good, they feel SUPER GOOD but when they're low they're also super low. All this talk about future together after such a short time dating may be his condition talking. He's on a high. Then when he shut you down when you tried to share something personal with him that's his low hitting. You've just seen the tip of the ice-burgh here. Yes he is treated but will he stay on his meds or he will quit saying the side effects are unmanageable and he'll put your through hell while off his meds. You need to consider all this.
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 I'm not familiar with bi polar. That info is good to know.. It's a shame His child is 9. I don't know why he doesn't continue sleeping in the guest room. (Also he texted me pics of HER house asking me if I like her style etc). So ... What's the best way to address this and prob end it? He's currently at his ex house now and says he can see me ... Wanted to get pedicures?! A little weird...
Gaeta Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 I'm not familiar with bi polar. That info is good to know.. It's a shame His child is 9. I don't know why he doesn't continue sleeping in the guest room. (Also he texted me pics of HER house asking me if I like her style etc). So ... What's the best way to address this and prob end it? He's currently at his ex house now and says he can see me ... Wanted to get pedicures?! A little weird... At 9 the child should have her/his own room in his place. There is no need for this man to stay at his ex under the pretext to spend time with his child. I would have been more flexible with a child of preschool age but a child of 9? No, that would not fly with me. Changing bed and sleeping her HER bed in HER sheets would also not fly. Before considering any type of relationship with this man you need to educate yourself on his condition THEN decide if you want to deal with it. Personally I would end it. You don't need to put any white gloves. Just say you thought long and hard about it and you don't feel you have enough in common to pursue any further. It's not a lie, if you look at the way he handles his ex, his child, his lack of sensitivity toward you, you 2 do not see eye to eye on many aspects of relationships.
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 He has to interact with her because they have a child together & work together. If that was all there was, maybe I could live with it. Tagging her on FB posts, while childish is another problem. There is no reason for him to take photos of her at a work event. Out of respect for you, unless it's at some event in the kid's life, there is no reason for her to be on his page. If he lives 10 miles away he can easily sleep in his own bed & still take his kid to school. The kid is an excuse for the sleep overs. He is not over his EX & is just using you for sex. I don't say that to be mean; I doubt he's doing it maliciously but he is doing it & you're letting him. So in answer to your thread title: Yes, this is a deal breaker.
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 I am in therapy for codependency and I also see some of my weaknesses coming out. I keep making biz suggestions for him etc. I need to avoid that sense of "I'll take care of you" The guy is stunning. Like super hot so that part makes me uneasy too. I really don't want a guy who will be so charming and flirtatious w others. I haven't been to his place so I don't know if his son has a room there. It doesn't sound as if he does. But I don't know. I def want to at least talk to him about the FB pics from last night ... I know they are business colleagues, but they both posted them all by themselves. It wasn't like it was a corp photo or anything. JuSt sad. In some ways I could see us being best friends. But clearly if I am feeling this way now... It would only get worse. PS I have not had sex with him.
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 My husband is super hot but he's one of the least flirtatious men I know. Hot does not always equal player / dog. If you haven't had sex with him & he's not pushing it, at least deep down he's not a complete cad & he knows in places he doesn't want to admit that he still wants his EX. Your co-dependency issues are keeping you here. Work to overcome them & the answers to your Qs will be obvious.
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 I agreed to meet him for a drink tonight. I'm going to talk to him about all of this. Just wondering the most graceful way to do this? What's the best protocol?
Gaeta Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 What's the best protocol? Be yourself, open and honest, ask questions, a lot of them. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I'd be frank. Tell him you like him & see some potential but there are red flags & you want his take. tell him what you can't accept & see if he's willing to stop sleeping there. If he's not, you have to vote with your feet or this will only get worse for you.
MidwestUSA Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I agreed to meet him for a drink tonight. I'm going to talk to him about all of this. Just wondering the most graceful way to do this? What's the best protocol? It's really a bad idea to discuss this over a drink. I noticed you empahasize the 'hotness' of these guys you've found since you started dating. You know damn well you could end up in bed with him. Rethink this.
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Well we had our drink. Things went fine. He told me that the was nothing between them. Really stressed it and said I would be #1. That his ex even wants to meet me. We leave... I go home. And he texts me that he went to have dinner with his ex and kid. To celebrate his good grades. ???!
MidwestUSA Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Well we had our drink. Things went fine. He told me that the was nothing between them. Really stressed it and said I would be #1. That his ex even wants to meet me. We leave... I go home. And he texts me that he went to have dinner with his ex and kid. To celebrate his good grades. ???! Ugh. Well, realize these are his poor boundaries, and he's not going to change. I'd still walk away. 1
jeanne_girl Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 If you read all your posts in this threads, it sounds like really poor excuses. There's always an excuse that makes no sense. I would strongly suggest walking away. It doesn't seem like a healthy environment to be involved with. If you talked to him about it and right away he sends you a text which makes you upset, that's a red flag. Apart from all the others in this thread. 1
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Well I just looked on FB and his ex had tagged him in more pics with their son ... Celebrating his tests. It is just hard for me because my ex and I don't operate that way at ALL. I never do anything on FB w him.
Gaeta Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 In your first post you say he reunited with his ex last year. What do you mean by that?
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 He was married to her for about a year... Had a son and then they divorced. Then ... Years later.. They got back together. They were together for about a year in 2013. Then they broke up again. He said they never had physical intimacy and she was just all about $$$ and their business. So now he lives about 10 miles away. She is dating someone else. His response to my sensitive nature was that he understood that "it's hard when you don't have perspective on a situation".
kaylan Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 He was married to her for about a year... Had a son and then they divorced. Then ... Years later.. They got back together. They were together for about a year in 2013. Then they broke up again. He said they never had physical intimacy and she was just all about $$$ and their business. So now he lives about 10 miles away. She is dating someone else. His response to my sensitive nature was that he understood that "it's hard when you don't have perspective on a situation". Move on. You dont need the baggage. Especially with the lame responses he gives you.
cif Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 He's not over his ex. Sounds like you're just filler. His lame responses and lack of empathy towards your concerns prove it. I'd cut my losses and move on.
Gaeta Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 His response to my sensitive nature was that he understood that "it's hard when you don't have perspective on a situation". Your feelings are being dismissed again. His answer is the same as: I know it sucks for you but I don't plan to change a thing about it.
Author Thewayitwas2 Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 I honestly can cope with a lot and I see the reason behind some of his actions. What I don't understand is how they can be so friendly. He says he even dog sat for his Ex's boyfriend's dog. He thinks he just has a great life as friends AND they work for same company as mortgage lenders. They are PARTNERS. So I know this wouldn't go away any time soon. I would just have to deal or not...
Gaeta Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Relationships are not about coping. They're about enhancing each other's life. You've been through a divorce already so I imagine you've had your share of BS already, don't you want your next relationship to be peaceful, loving, respectful, and without competition.
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