PuppetLife Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Ok, this is going to be very long, because it's going to be very detailed. Please take time to read this, thank you so much. So, this morning I was in a terrible mood. And there was this assignment that I have to do. And it was quite urgent, but everytime when I ask my partner/ friend to work on it she ignored me, or make up some excuses. And so this morning I had a go at her saying that she doesn't participate at all and leave everything to me. In result, she chucked the paper onto the ground and go to the teacher. She ask the teacher to change group because I keep pressuring her. I told the teacher that she never work and expect me to do everything. The teacher say we can't change now and we have to solve this. He helped us and I was still really angry and I felt like punching her. So at our next lesson, she worked with a friend somewhere else, and I worked in the classroom. That friend came and told me that I shouldn't have pressured her and all that. She was saying it as though I was the one who caused all the problem, I was really mad, I was actually shaking because of anger. That friend told me to calm down. At recess break, I calmed down a little, and I apologized to her. Saying "I'm really sorry for yelling at you, I was wrong and I know, I regret now." And she said in a really sarcastic way "No, no. It's fine. I'm used to it, You always yelled at me, and tells me what to do." And I said "No, I know I was wrong and I shouldn't have yelled at you" And then that other friend said "Then why did you do it so many time. It was a mistake the first time but you kept doing it" I said that "I know I was wrong, but I can't just change when I want to change. I have improved but you guys haven't realized. I tried my best to not yell and stuff, but sometimes I can't control it." But my friend just doesn't listen to me, she told me to shut up and she had enough. I said "I will change for the better because I know that I'm not right" She said "no. don't change for me" I said "I'm not changing for you but for myself." she said," no don't change." and I was just really angry I said "why are you telling me what to do!" I was really mad and I have no where to put my anger and so I hit myself. In the next lesson, I was alone with her. We didn't talk for a while, and after a while, I apologized again and ask what do I need to do? She said "Oh god don't act so innocent" So I said"Well, what do you want me to do" She said just forget about her. I laughed and she said she's really serious. I said "I really want to too, I'm so tired of this, apologizing everytime, but I don't have a button that can make me forget about it." And then after that, no matter what I say she ignored me, and so I started not to speak to her. In another lesson, she was sitting with a friend, two sits away from me. And she start bitching about me, thinking that I'm deaf. She said something about me getting really angry at her, and then keep apologizing saying "I'm so sorry, soooo sorry" to her, making me sound like a pathetic loser. And then, on the bus, she suddenly talk to me for a bit, like two sentences. And so I pretend nothing happened. And then when we get off the bus, she started talking to her friend, and totally ignored me. I said bye, and her friend say bye to me too, but she just simply ignored me. Other people are telling me that she is like that, don't worry. But what she said really really hurt me. I know I was wrong, and I apologized. But not only she didn't accept, she make fun of it. Is there anything I can do.
Tayla Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Please take this in a kind way....stop using the "i'm sorry "card after such repetitive ill thought out actions. Its called passive agressive and this is a fine example. Giving it a name doesnt change it, it simply makes you aware that you have that tendency. This friend of yours is tired of all talk and no action to improve. The concept that you "simply cannot control it" is false. Its called behavior and thought modification. try it! You may find its the small steps in changing your mindset and action that can add to an overall difference in the inter-action with others. I'm not saying that your friends aren't accountable for their responses or actions, yet garner your responsiblity in how it can be handled different. then apply it. 1
preraph Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Your teacher is trying to get her students to learn to cooperate even when their personalities clash. This is called preparing you for the real world. If you behave this way once in the workplace, you will be fired, and no apology will save you. You need to learn to control yourself. Your "shaking" with anger is way over the top. That means you have out of control rage, which means you need to seek counseling for it. It can come from childhood stresses. Find an "anger management" course somewhere and take it. It may open your eyes and teach you techniques to become more in control not of others but of yourself. You will never be able to control others, so you must learn to control yourself. An apology doesn't make up for bad behavior.
Author PuppetLife Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 I understand I have problem and should change. But I thought apologizing is better than not doing anything when I know that there is a problem with me. By apologizing, I showed that I acknowledged my fault and my problem and is willing to improve. I understand that I have to change if I want to keep my friends, but I need time and practice. I understand that apologizing doesn't make up for anything, so does that mean I should've leave it and not say anything?
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Stop doing assignments with her. You have different work ethics & that conflict causes problems. Be her friend not her study buddy. Tell her you want to get through this assignment & not work with her again. As a back up plan prepare to do all of the work yourself. Document that you have done so. Take care of your grade & never partner with her for schol again.
Author PuppetLife Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 She tells me that I am too nervous, too stress, and always put pressure on her and myself. Even when we are shopping, I always tell her to rush and hurry up and now no matter what, she doesn't want to go out with me or work with me. I didn't noticed that I have these problems till now. And now that I do, I tried not to do them. But she have already make up her mind of what kind of person I am, and is not willing to work or go out with me again because she doesn't like what I did. I want to show her that I have changed, but she doesn't want to go with me anymore. What should I do?
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Give it some time. By your behavior when you are in groups show her the calmer you. In a few months see if she's willing to reconnect.
Author PuppetLife Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 Ok, so I shouldn't push it, and ask her what's wrong, or ask her why isn't she talking to me and stuff like that, right?
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Ok, so I shouldn't push it, and ask her what's wrong, or ask her why isn't she talking to me and stuff like that, right? Exactly. What you want to do -- push & ask her what is wrong -- is the reason she wants to get away from you. If you have changed (& by your Q, I'm not so sure you have yet), you would simply let her be. Walk away. Give her lots of space. In a few months. . . .like maybe Spetember you can try to reconnect with her. If she comes to you before that, fine but until then back off. Backing off will be the evidence of change you claim to want to show her. Telling her you changed when you are doing the exact thing she told you she hates its counterproductive.
Recommended Posts