you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Our relationship has been fine as far as I can tell. The only thing that's been making me self conscious is that he wants sex and oral a lot more than I want to do lately. We've been together for 3 years it's not like we've only been together a short while. We're 26. I'm pregnant and I've been uncomfortable lately which has turned my sex drive down. Plus I feel more self-conscious than I ever have. But it's not something we fight about, and I try to do what I can for him. But there is probably a bit of sexual frustration there. Which doesn't help my worries. The baby was unplanned and my BF is honest that he isn't happy or excited about it. He will never talk to me about it, but I'm sure there is stress from that. But we rarely fight, our relationship has been great. tell him how you feel. 1
rester Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 ...just saying there isn't enough evidence to prove that he wants to cheat. I agree with this. It's entirely possible that he just wants a night to let loose a little and act like a drunken idiot, without his girlfriend hanging around or judging him. Maybe he feels that he can't have a good time with her hanging around. Maybe he wants to smoke a bunch of weed and the OP wouldn't approve. Maybe the group has history and it's his little throwback time to catch up with his friends and all they talk about is inside jokes and he doesn't think the OP will fit in. Maybe he thinks the OP is going to start a fight or make a scene with the girl he once hooked up with. I'm not saying any of these are good reasons...just saying that with what we know, they are just as possible as him cheating. I do find it strange that he didn't give her a reason. He could be afraid of hurting her feelings. And of course, he could also be cheating, covering up cheating from one of the previous years, or be planning on taking drugs that he wants to hide. 3
rester Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 (edited) Our relationship has been fine as far as I can tell. The only thing that's been making me self conscious is that he wants sex and oral a lot more than I want to do lately. We've been together for 3 years it's not like we've only been together a short while. We're 26. I'm pregnant and I've been uncomfortable lately which has turned my sex drive down. Plus I feel more self-conscious than I ever have. But it's not something we fight about, and I try to do what I can for him. But there is probably a bit of sexual frustration there. Which doesn't help my worries. The baby was unplanned and my BF is honest that he isn't happy or excited about it. He will never talk to me about it, but I'm sure there is stress from that. But we rarely fight, our relationship has been great. He could very well just need a night away. Maybe he's stressed about the pregnancy and would like a night out with his friends to talk about things. It sounds like a tight-knit group of friends and I imagine that he has a lot to talk about with them if he hasn't seen them in a long time. Edited May 22, 2014 by rester 1
Million.to.1 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 You are PREGNANT?!? ...it's unplanned, and you didn't think to mention this in your original post? Ummm.. well that changes things A LOT. That's the reason he doesn't want you to come to the camping weekend. He is facing fatherhood unexpectedly! You are having the baby I take it? And he is not happy about it? So, did he want you to terminate and you've decided not to? I can't believe you left this out/ didn't think it was relevant. I can totally understand why he wants some time out. He is facing a huge life change. ... and going away for a boozy weekend you can't drink at is not going to be that fun for you anyway. 3
cif Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 If the reason was they'll be smoking and pregnant op can't be there he would've said so when she asked. I also agree you should be worried. And add to that he's been frustrated at your low sex drive doesn't help. Talk to him.
rester Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 If the reason was they'll be smoking and pregnant op can't be there he would've said so when she asked. I also agree you should be worried. And add to that he's been frustrated at your low sex drive doesn't help. Talk to him. I agree it's weird that he didn't give her a reason. But if he was planning on cheating, would he be doing it in a group of close friends? They've been together for 3 years and she's pregnant. Would his friends allow him to do that, or talk him out of it? If I saw one of my friends getting too flirty with another woman, while he had a pregnant girlfriend at home, I'd pull him aside and ask him what the hell he was doing.
Leigh 87 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Our relationship has been fine as far as I can tell. The only thing that's been making me self conscious is that he wants sex and oral a lot more than I want to do lately. We've been together for 3 years it's not like we've only been together a short while. We're 26. I'm pregnant and I've been uncomfortable lately which has turned my sex drive down. Plus I feel more self-conscious than I ever have. But it's not something we fight about, and I try to do what I can for him. But there is probably a bit of sexual frustration there. Which doesn't help my worries. The baby was unplanned and my BF is honest that he isn't happy or excited about it. He will never talk to me about it, but I'm sure there is stress from that. But we rarely fight, our relationship has been great. He isn't happy or excited about his own baby. HUGE RED FLAG. Unless you are both on minimum wage jobs with no real career prospects on the horizon, I cannot see WHY he wouldn't be ELATED about having a child with a woman he is in love with. Did he specifically SAY he was averse to having kids? 2
you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 He isn't happy or excited about his own baby. HUGE RED FLAG. Unless you are both on minimum wage jobs with no real career prospects on the horizon, I cannot see WHY he wouldn't be ELATED about having a child with a woman he is in love with. Did he specifically SAY he was averse to having kids? Umm he's not happy cause he didn't plan for it. Having such a huge decision taken out of your control is a huge blow to anyone. He is stuck in a situation he did not sign up for. I d be pretty upset too. of course he will probably warm up to it once the baby arrives, but his feelings right now are understandable. 2
Smilecharmer Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Being pregnant means you will be sitting there sober I while everyone else has fun with alcohol and shenanigans. He doesn't want you to come because you will be boring. Sober people always are regardless of what we tell them. He may want to cheat on you, but you can't be sure of it because I know if I was a bloke and had a gf who was having my baby and I did not want that baby, I would want some time with my friends. Unplanned pregnancies in which you make a decision to keep a baby he does not want probably makes him feel very stressed. He has been honest with you about this but like other women you think men should be happy about impending births because you are, men don't care as much about having babies at twenty six as women do. They do not have the nurture gene we do so he probably is thinking....can't I just have one night of stupidity with my blokes. I'm not saying I agree with how he is going about it, but he obviously thinks if he tells you he doesn't want you there because you will be a wet rag your feelings will get hurt. Let him have his night with friends. If he cheats, he is a douche and you will find out with that many people there and you can move on. 5
jbelle6 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Every year my BF's friend has a camp fire type thing. I didn't go the last two years because I was out of town. People wondered why I wasn't there. It's this weekend and my BF doesn't want me to go. There aren't that many people going, maybe 10. He won't really say why he doesn't want me to go. When I ask he says he doesn't know. At first he wanted me to, now he doesn't. There are going to be a few girls there and it's bothering me because he's hooked up with at least one of them. If I were there I could care less, but him wanting me to stay home makes me worry even though I probably have no reason to. They are all staying the night because they'll be drunk. They are supposed to be camping outside, he doesn't know where he'll be sleeping yet. We don't own a tent so he'll be staying with someone else in theres. And I know the girls will ask him to stay in their tent because they keep saying they have extra room. It's really bothering me that he doesn't want me to go at all. It's not a guys thing, girls are going and I'm invited. He just doesn't want me there. Am I overreacting? Is this odd? I'd so walk. You know in your gut why you aren't invited.
Speakingofwhich Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 So? just cause there are other girls there doesn't mean he plans to have sex with them.I didn't suggest that he plans to have sex with them in my post. If OP is one of those nagging girlfriends who makes a scene when they are out with other people, then I can totally relate to the guy.Except we don't know that she is "one of those nagging girlfriends." ..........
jbelle6 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Lol, who said she can't go camping or cottaging cause she's pregnant? LOL And someone said she'll be boring cause she can't be pissed drunk? LOL, boring people think that. Wow, she didn't get pregnant on her own you know. OP, I'd be very skeptical about this. And I wouldn't want a partner who didn't love and support me and want me included. Especially during this time. 2
Speakingofwhich Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 [quote=you_can_not_see_me;5713609 I don't know OP's boyfriend he might be a cheating son of a bitch, but I m just saying there isn't enough evidence to prove that he wants to cheat. Even if he doesn't plan on having sex with anyone there it seems to me it's still inappropriate (disrespectful and rude) not to include his gf of two or three years when other ladies will be there. And especially since she's invited and comments have been made in years past that she was missed. Something is strange here.
jbelle6 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 You are PREGNANT?!? ...it's unplanned, and you didn't think to mention this in your original post? Ummm.. well that changes things A LOT. That's the reason he doesn't want you to come to the camping weekend. He is facing fatherhood unexpectedly! You are having the baby I take it? And he is not happy about it? So, did he want you to terminate and you've decided not to? I can't believe you left this out/ didn't think it was relevant. I can totally understand why he wants some time out. He is facing a huge life change. ... and going away for a boozy weekend you can't drink at is not going to be that fun for you anyway. LOL, it changes nothing, she has to have her whole body and life changed too you know. You think she doesn't have to push the baby out of her vagina, so sorry for the little boy who wants to party with other girls, poor baby.
you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 LOL, it changes nothing, she has to have her whole body and life changed too you know. You think she doesn't have to push the baby out of her vagina, so sorry for the little boy who wants to party with other girls, poor baby. No one said OP doesn't have difficult stuff to deal with too. both the OP and her BF are going through difficult times. Do you think its really fair to disregards the guy's perspective in this? 1
Speakingofwhich Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Imho, the fact that she's pregnant with his child is all the more reason why he should include her. He got her pregnant and when a woman is pregnant her hormones are changing and making her more sensitive to everything, including slights. It's the job of both man and woman to take care of their relationship especially when a little person has entered it. Possibly he wants a weekend of fun with his friends to feel free and to forget his responsibilities as a new father. If that's so he should be all the more sensitive to her feelings of wanting to be there. She will be a new mother soon and is already dealing with extra responsibilities in her life because of the new little life growing within her. She can't get away from the idea that a baby is coming. They are both a part of the pregnancy situation and they should stick together now more than ever. However, if it was a male only event, it would seem to me it'd be more appropriate for him to go. Still, his responsibility for his woman should be first and if it was male only there are men who would take a rain check at this time of their lives together, with a baby on the way. Life has changed for him and for her both. 3
Million.to.1 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 LOL, it changes nothing, she has to have her whole body and life changed too you know. You think she doesn't have to push the baby out of her vagina, so sorry for the little boy who wants to party with other girls, poor baby. That is a ridiculous statement. You are minimising the impact that having an unplanned child has on a man. He is totally entitled to some time with his friends to "go party" or whatever the hell he wants to do. This is pretty massive and i'm not saying that it's not massive for her also, but she has chosen this, where he didn't. That's the difference. The next 20 years of his life have now been decided for him and he clearly needs some time to get his head around it. 1
Speakingofwhich Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 That is a ridiculous statement. You are minimising the impact that having an unplanned child has on a man. He is totally entitled to some time with his friends to "go party" or whatever the hell he wants to do. This is pretty massive and i'm not saying that it's not massive for her also, but she has chosen this, did she post that she had chosen to get pregnant? Last I heard having sex was a choice by both man and woman. He could have used protection. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't; however, when a couple begins to have sex the reality is that they need to be prepared for a pregnancy because it happens sometimes. And both man and woman are responsible for it. where he didn't. That's the difference. The next 20 years of his life have now been decided for him and he clearly needs some time to get his head around it.She's in the same situation as he is, looking at the next 20 years of her life having been now decided. Ten characters 3
Leigh 87 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Umm he's not happy cause he didn't plan for it. Having such a huge decision taken out of your control is a huge blow to anyone. He is stuck in a situation he did not sign up for. I d be pretty upset too. of course he will probably warm up to it once the baby arrives, but his feelings right now are understandable. I have never met a guy who is crazy about his girlfriend and madly in love, who WASN'T excited about the notion of having a baby with her. Unless he is staunchly against kids or he is broke and they cannot afford it, his actions are not that of a guy who is madly in love.
you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I have never met a guy who is crazy about his girlfriend and madly in love, who WASN'T excited about the notion of having a baby with her. Unless he is staunchly against kids or he is broke and they cannot afford it, his actions are not that of a guy who is madly in love. that's the front they put up when they talk about it to other people. Inside most men would morn the loss of their youth.
Leigh 87 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Every single man I have ever known that is madly in love was thrilled at the idea of having a baby with the woman he considered to be "the one" for him. Even men who liked to party in their 20's and still enjoy getting drunk from time to time. The idea of committing whole heartedly to the women they are absolutely crazy about NEVER phased any man I have ever met. I have met a lot of men who were madly in love. None of them were "indifferent" towards having a baby with a women they truly cherished. He should have some positive feelings attached to having a baby with the woman he is madly in love with. This guy is clearly not madly in love. He may love her and have grown to love this woman but it is as clear as day that he is not IN love with her.....
ExpatInItaly Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 My initial take on this is: he's already hooked up with a girl at these parties in the past. He was fine bringing you until he found out she'd be in attendance this year, too. Maybe a wild extrapolation, sure. But that's my guess. 1
you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Every single man I have ever known that is madly in love was thrilled at the idea of having a baby with the woman he considered to be "the one" for him. Even men who liked to party in their 20's and still enjoy getting drunk from time to time. The idea of committing whole heartedly to the women they are absolutely crazy about NEVER phased any man I have ever met. I have met a lot of men who were madly in love. None of them were "indifferent" towards having a baby with a women they truly cherished. He should have some positive feelings attached to having a baby with the woman he is madly in love with. This guy is clearly not madly in love. He may love her and have grown to love this woman but it is as clear as day that he is not IN love with her..... yeah don't get why you think the guy is madly in love or that he needs to be.
kaylan Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Dump this loser OP. He obv has no respect for you if he thinks its ok to hang out and party around a woman hes banged and tell you not to come along. Id drop a girl in a heart beat if she still hung around former flings and thought it was ok to be around such a person in a party atmosphere when Im not around. 2
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