April Moon Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Hi! I am new here! My ex ended the first relationship I have ever been in 11 months ago. We were together for 2.5 years. I have been NC with him for 9 months. At that time, I had found out that he had cheated on me and have been disgusted with him ever since. I have blocked him from everything. I have not heard from him and he has not heard from me. What he did devastated me. However, through NC I have picked up the pieces and moved on (even better than I thought I would). I have been dating the sweetest guy for a couple of months and I love him. My only issue is I still hate my ex. I am not in love with him or ever want to be in a relationship with him again. I don't wish evil upon him but I don't wish him all the best in life either. I really do not like that I feel this way. I feel like an awful person for not wishing another person well. My goal is to feel indifference. 100% indifference. How do I get to this point of indifference? Is it possible to be indifferent to someone who has hurt you so much? Also, I greatly fear we will run into each other at some point (we have the same circle of friends, like the same places, etc). Until i get to the point of indifference, how should I act? I appreciate all the advice y'all have to offer. Best Wishes!
Strength in Healing Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Indifference simply comes with time. Keep marching forward, sometimes takes longer than 9 months. Stay strong. 2
KaliLove Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Your ex did something awful to you..you have every right to feel the way you do. How much time do you spend thinking about him? Is this something that consumes you, or does it only come up occasionally? The only thing that will heal you is time. I know that sounds cliche but it's true. The further away you get from this incident, the less you will care. If you run into him, you can nod your head and turn away. If he approaches, be distant but polite and walk away as soon as possible. Don't let the hatred get the best of you..you're better than that!
FortunateSon Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Does your current BF know of this hatred for this ex? Is it affecting your current relationship? I think that sometimes it can be tough to open your heart up 100% when you are still harboring hatred and resentment from a previous partner.
Author April Moon Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Thanks y'all! Thankfully, these thoughts don't consume me. I think about them whenever something reminds me of him or I hear his name. I'm just tired of the anger when this occurs and was wondering if I could do something that will speed up the process. I believe time will help.
Author April Moon Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Does your current BF know of this hatred for this ex? Is it affecting your current relationship? I think that sometimes it can be tough to open your heart up 100% when you are still harboring hatred and resentment from a previous partner. Yes, he does. I have been completely honest about the my inward process. I didn't want to get in a relationship so quick after but he has been amazing to me. You are right! I find it difficult to be as open for my love for him. I hold back a little because I'm afraid to get hurt. This is not fair to my current bf at all but I'm working on it. He is being understanding about it. I feel I'll be able to be more open with my feelings once I'm indifferent. But I want to feel indifferent sooner rather than later. I guess patience is the key. 1
Chi townD Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Yep! I agree with everyone else. It takes time. You have to look at your own timeline. Remember when he first dumped you? You were devastated and a big pile of blubbering goo and massively heartbroken. But, look at you now! You picked up the pieces! Got your life back on track. Met an amazing guy (other than myself ) and you sound so much happier! Now, how did that happen? Motivation, dedication and.....time.
hudson701 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 The opposite of love is hate... It certainly isn't indifference! The fact that you still carry hatred for him so long after the split suggests you still have feelings for him. Complete beneign indifference you wouldn't feel a thing at all, not even think of him. My ex hates me with a passion, a proper biley hatred. I like that. I much prefer it to indifference as it shows she still has feelings for me. And if we were to meet it would probably turn into some sort of slating contest as I too still have feelings for her over how we split. My guess is your still not fully over him. 2
Author April Moon Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Yep! I agree with everyone else. It takes time. You have to look at your own timeline. Remember when he first dumped you? You were devastated and a big pile of blubbering goo and massively heartbroken. But, look at you now! You picked up the pieces! Got your life back on track. Met an amazing guy (other than myself ) and you sound so much happier! Now, how did that happen? Motivation, dedication and.....time. Haha!! Thank you for your kind words! You are right! I'll just let time be my guide.
Author April Moon Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 My guess is your still not fully over him. Hi! I'm sorry if this is a silly question but what do you mean by not fully over him? Do you mean in a romantic way? Or more of a healing way?
7yearsbroken Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 My ex cheated on me too! I hate her too! But I no longer can love her. The hate I have her motivates me to become a better person. Many people tell me to stop wishing poetic justice will happen. Maybe it will not. Pretty heartless people usually get what they want. But it's ok. I know I didn't do anything wrong and the hate is what brings a smile to my face, knowing she downgraded. You should be happy you are with someone new. It's been 10months now and I still hate my ex from a LTR,LDR so I think it's normal. I don't agree with people who say hate is very close to love. In the case of the ex I feel love will disappear, maybe peace and acceptance can replace that emotion, but for me hatred will do just fine. Since I'm doing NC why not imagine the same thing she did to me happening to her? Maybe won't be anytime soon but it'll happen. Maybe it won't. this energy is not energy wasted, it's certainty that even after the wedding she might get a divorce, maybe after she has kids she might get cheated on, maybe this guy will lose his job. I don't know. Lol she just graduated so all these are just hateful delusions that brings me much delight. Anyways I'm so happy you found someone, and I would say it's perfectly ok to laugh and hate your ex. Especially the bastard cheating ones.
Author April Moon Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 I'm sorry that happened to you 7yearsbroken. It is so hurtful. I understand how it is hard to overcome that hurt. But your right! I used the negative emotion I had to make me into a better person (at least I think I'm a better person )
True Gent Posted May 26, 2014 Posted May 26, 2014 I am approaching 7 months post breakup after a 9 yr relationship. I feel nowhere close to indifferent, I certainly don't feel love that's for sure. I don't even like her, I do not miss her. All of the memories of the good times are tainted and I never think of the happy times we shared, because I just can't and don't want to. In a way I'm glad I feel such anger and resentment towards her, because at least I'm not pining over her. It has pushed me to move on with every aspect of my life. I have a social circle I never had when I was with her and I am going on a date today. I've dated a few women now and although I haven't found someone new yet, I feel no rush to be in a relationship again just now. I'm just building my confidence again and experiencing life as a single man for the first time in my adult life. I don't think the hate is something to worry about unles it consumes you and eats away at you. If you are with a new person I'm guessing you're at a point where you can feel something for someone new which is a big turning point. In time we'll all become indifferent to what happened at some point, we'll just never forget it. 1
Author April Moon Posted May 26, 2014 Author Posted May 26, 2014 At True Gent, I can completely relate to your first paragraph. I don't miss him or think back on "our memories". I'm glad I posted here because now I know what I'm going through is just part of the process and one day I'll be indifferent. 1
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