I found my bf on pof after a year...he said its hackers

[gaius]

OMG you are all horrible, Dont even bother replying to me!!!!!

 

Someone asked if i had met his family and friends....hence my last post.

 

I am not lying, why on earth would i do that??

 

Forget i mentioned anything your all cruel.

Don't mind Eau she can be a little aggressive sometimes.

 

There's a 99.9% chance he's lying but if you want to rule out that .1% then make a fake profile and contact him through it. Even better have a friend do it. I'd like to hear the lie he comes up with once she gets him on the phone.

[2sunny]

Don't mind Eau she can be a little aggressive sometimes.

 

There's a 99.9% chance he's lying but if you want to rule out that .1% then make a fake profile and contact him through it. Even better have a friend do it. I'd like to hear the lie he comes up with once she gets him on the phone.

 

Especially when she asks him to take her out in a weekend.

 

He may end up having a "boys weekend" at that same time.

[mrs rubble]

My first thought was why didn't you get your friends new profile to approach him and see what happened? That's what I would've done.

[hoping2heal]

Well, that's original.

 

This guy must be pretty special that hackers would take the time to check his location and create a POF profile for him, complete with updated locale!

 

What's that turd like smell wafting through the room..

 

Seriously though, I'm sorry and I feel badly that this happened to you.

[aussietigerwolf]

what happens if you contact him during the week?

[dragon_fly_7]

Well sorry to hear we don't but his story about hackers but that's more than likely what's happening. I wasn't born yesterday nor I'm I a naivee 17-18 year-old HS girl that gets fooled easily.

 

If you think this is too harsh and only want most of us to reply with an ''How dare they hack his account and information about his new location, he's telling you the truth'' then it's not going to happen.

 

If you don't believe any of this, do as someone else suggested; create a fake profile and text him.

[TMichaels]

My first thought was why didn't you get your friends new profile to approach him and see what happened? That's what I would've done.

 

Doesn't take much to "grease the wheel." Either do it yourself or have a friend register on the site then look at his profile a few times. You/your friend will show up in his list of people who's recently viewed him.

 

I'll be willing to bet when he sees that, he won't waste any time getting in touch as obviously the person who "looked at him" must have an interest, right?

 

If and when he does, make sure you get a screen shot of any message he sends you or a friend on the site. If for no other reason, blow it up and frame it to remind yourself about what a fool you will be if you continue to believe his excuses.

 

Or, if you're into continuing self-flagellation and fantasy fiction, confront him with it and see what "creative explanations" he comes up next time.

 

You can ignore what I and others are telling you OP, but I've been there, lived that. You're being played.

 

It's up to you to put a stop to it because he's having a ball (in more ways than one). No reason whatsoever for him to clean up his act -- and he won't because he's getting too much out of leading two lives.

 

If nothing else, ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to have around your child? Hopefully, the answer will be obviously apparent as is what you need to do.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Leigh 87]

 

Sorry. He blamed it on hackers?

 

Were you born yesterday?

[Leigh 87]

Ok, Long story short...

 

Met my bf April 2013 on pof, he took his account down in June.

 

He wasn't that into you. When a man is really into a woman, he doesn't need to keep his options open for two months after meeting her.

 

He then at christmas time moved 3 hours away with work but we agreed we would still make it work. He comes to me every weekend bar a few if he is working or seeing the boys.

 

My bf lives FOUR hours away and..... yeah, we don't consider it an effort to make time for each other.

 

About 3 weeks ago i helped set my friend up on pof and for some reason searched for his username. It was active, the profile was exactly the same except it had changed from his old location to his new one.

 

He is online browsing for other women.

 

I phoned him up very upset and he swore to me that he had no idea what was going on, how it had happened and had nothing to do with it.

He came over that weekend and his story is that his email got hacked,

 

LOL.

 

they hacked his facebook (by liking pages like boobs and other random pervy stuff) same with his instagram and so he changed his passwords. The only one he didnt change was his pof so he is saying that these hackers got on to his fb, saw that he had a gf and saw that he had moved locations so out of spite as they failed to get in to his banking they made his pof active again, changing his location looking to cause trouble.

 

LOL

 

I have no idea about hackers so even though the story sounds ridiculous i just dont know what to believe.

 

HE IS MAKING THIS ALL UP. I 100% guarantee. Don't be so gullible!

 

He has recently deleted his fb but before then he never put anything personal on it, so nothing to do with me, no pics or anything. Im not even sure if people on his fb knew i existed.

He also since being together has been to weddings and receptions without me saying they are only small and plus 1's arent invited.

I also hardly hear from him in the week, the odd text, he never calls me which really upsets me.

 

He is not that into you.

 

On the plus side he does drive 3 hours every weekend to see me and he is great with my 3 year old son. He tells me he loves me when hes with me, makes me feel loved, takes me out for meals etc..

 

Taking you out for meals and driving 3 hours to see you every weekend doesn't mean he is that into you or invested in you.

 

It doesn't mean he wants long term monogamy. Or commitment.

 

Please can someone help me. I love this man but i just dont know what to do or think!!!

 

xx

 

He is online looking for other women. He was not hacked. If you want a man who only has eyes for you, he is not it.

 

It will be hard to leave and you will be sad, so will he likely. But you will be MORE SAD if you stay with a guy who is not crazy about you. You deserve a man who only has eyes for you.

[Frank2thepoint]

OMG you are all horrible, Dont even bother replying to me!!!!!

 

Someone asked if i had met his family and friends....hence my last post.

 

I am not lying, why on earth would i do that??

 

Forget i mentioned anything your all cruel.

 

Well that escalated quickly.

[Zahara]

Well that escalated quickly.

 

I think she didn't like what she was hearing, using the horrible people on LS as her reasons to cut this short.

 

OP, it's pretty straightfoward. You know you've been lied to. The story makes no sense. Hope you make the right choice for yourself.

[dragon_fly_7]

The OP just doesn't want to see reality. I mean, she's asking online posters and most of us already have some experience in the dating world and know what are bs stories.

[sazmac]

I love the way your all talking about me rather than to me, I have got some good advice and now i know for sure he is lying I am going to speak to him this weekend, Tell him to lay all cards on the table, I want to know the truth and why he was on it. If not then we will end, and i mean it. Im no mug although most of you think i am, I just love him and want to believe he loves me also. I think he does, He just need other female attention obviously.

[Zahara]

I love the way your all talking about me rather than to me, I have got some good advice and now i know for sure he is lying I am going to speak to him this weekend, Tell him to lay all cards on the table, I want to know the truth and why he was on it. If not then we will end, and i mean it. Im no mug although most of you think i am, I just love him and want to believe he loves me also. I think he does, He just need other female attention obviously.

 

Well you did say we're all horrible and by your last thread it seemed as if you left the thread.

 

Yes, take the advice you need and what doesn't help you, cast that aside.

 

Another thing, you most likely won't get the truth. Demanding for it doesn't necessarily mean you will get it. Whether he comes forth or not, him being on POF, the way he lied about it is enough for you make that decision. Laying it out on the table doesn't change anything.

[2sunny]

I love the way your all talking about me rather than to me, I have got some good advice and now i know for sure he is lying I am going to speak to him this weekend, Tell him to lay all cards on the table, I want to know the truth and why he was on it. If not then we will end, and i mean it. Im no mug although most of you think i am, I just love him and want to believe he loves me also. I think he does, He just need other female attention obviously.

 

 

I'm glad you are back - just try and look at the different perspectives here - you'll get a bit of variety and that's all good.

 

 

What do you plan to say to him?

 

Why do you think you can get his truth now when he didn't give it when you asked before?

 

 

Have you considered dating him occasionally and not being committed - so that you feel free to date others with a new agreement?

 

The fact is - he didn't keep the agreement, wasn't honest and can't be trusted - so at this point and with that character defect - I'd view him as a toy you can play with once in a while but not a guy to trusts or commit to.

 

 

What was the new info you got that makes you sure now?

[TAV]

I love the way your all talking about me rather than to me, I have got some good advice and now i know for sure he is lying I am going to speak to him this weekend, Tell him to lay all cards on the table, I want to know the truth and why he was on it. If not then we will end, and i mean it. Im no mug although most of you think i am, I just love him and want to believe he loves me also. I think he does, He just need other female attention obviously.

 

And that is good enough for you? That is the example you want to set your child?

 

I'm glad you finally believe that he lied and lived a double life. You sound strong too. You deserve better than this. You may think now that you will be able to trust him again fully at one point, once the whole truth is laid out on the table, but you never will. Never again. Not completely. Is that what you want for yourself?

 

He has proven he is capable of lies and deceit. He won't turn into a saint overnight.

 

His unavailability during the week is very strange. Just the odd text? And that never made you wonder? You consider that normal? You never answered the question that someone here posted: What happens if you try to call him during the week?

 

If you want to continue on this road of having him spill all the beans be very, very, very critical of the version of the truth he is willing to dish up.

 

Re the odd chance that he is willing to go to full confession: Prepare yourself for hearing things that you wish you never knew.

 

I wish you wisdom and strength.

[sazmac]

I appreciate your honesty, The thing is, I do trust him! I know it sounds stupid but i have a feeling ge was doing it for something to do, for a bit of fun, to get attention or something like that. I dont believe that he met up with anyone and ive told him im warey about having sex with him. When he is with me I can tell he loves me, I might sound stupid but he does.

 

I want him to be honest with me so that we can get past this, He hasn't gone back on line since and now messages me every night. I dont usually call him, I leave him alone but i did last night as i was feeling low and he answered and we talked.

 

I dont think ill ever trust him 100% but i want him to tell me why he did it, what the reason was and then maybe, just maybe we can get past this. He is a good man with a very good job and he was brought up well. I value your opinion as i asked for it and im glad i did but you all dont know him. Im seeing him romorrow night and it will be make or break so ill let you know how i get on.

[2sunny]

You could check and see if her really loves you. Or if he loves you enough as long as he gets the sex part attached to you.

 

Don't have sex. Not now and not for a long while. IF he really loves YOU for YOU - then he will continue making the trek on weekends.

 

If he thinks he needs sex from someone, anyone - and you're not giving it - then his effort and attention will likely start looking much less consistent.

 

See what he does - when he's supposed to love you and you're loving him but not participating in sex as long as you doubt his integrity...

[Michelle ma Belle]

I appreciate your honesty, The thing is, I do trust him! I know it sounds stupid but i have a feeling ge was doing it for something to do, for a bit of fun, to get attention or something like that. I dont believe that he met up with anyone and ive told him im warey about having sex with him. When he is with me I can tell he loves me, I might sound stupid but he does.

 

I want him to be honest with me so that we can get past this, He hasn't gone back on line since and now messages me every night. I dont usually call him, I leave him alone but i did last night as i was feeling low and he answered and we talked.

 

I dont think ill ever trust him 100% but i want him to tell me why he did it, what the reason was and then maybe, just maybe we can get past this. He is a good man with a very good job and he was brought up well. I value your opinion as i asked for it and im glad i did but you all dont know him. Im seeing him romorrow night and it will be make or break so ill let you know how i get on.

 

Oh sweetie, why or why did you bother asking for our advice? What exactly did you take from all the responses WHICH by the way seem to be unanimous? I'm quite curious.

 

Honestly, it is becoming increasing annoying to spend the time and energy responding to threads where the OP has no interest in hearing anything but what they want to hear.

 

Oi vey

[sazmac]

2sunny

 

Thanks, Since i have found him on there, we havent and im going to continue. I wont ave sex with him until i feel i am absolutely ready to trust him again. (If i ever will)

 

 

Other person... I have listened to everyone, Im not going to end it just because a load of strangers tell me to or think i should! I wanted advice, ive got it ive taken it on bored the rest is up to me! Your on here to give advice not to tell people what to do. Please dont patronise me.

[MissBee]

Please update us about what he says when you guys talk.

 

I don't expect anyone to break up with someone because we say so, even in real life I don't and haven't seen any friend, even when they are with someone horrible and where everyone knows, break up because other people say so....but what you do is provide food for thought and that person absorbs it and acts on it on their own or not.

 

I know it's hard for people to hear negative things about their partner and again and again on LS and in real life people will bring the details of their situation but once the advice is negative they shut down and start defending their partner....even when before they were also the ones complaining about bad behavior. So I get it. People do it all the time.

 

I will say two things to you, to think about it: 1) you say he is a good man with a "very good job"....I was surprised at this as I felt this is besides the point and made me wonder if you're with him more for reasons of feeling he can provide for you than anything else...as otherwise I find it weird that someone's job would be mentioned. You must know that having a good job doesn't preclude cheating or have anything to do with someone's romantic life. You can have the greatest job on earth...that is irrelevant to your romantic relationships. So you should think about why that matters for you. Does his good job mean you'll overlook other bad behaviors? 2)First you wanted to know if he was lying, now that it seems he is, you're rationalizing and excusing why he was on POF (for fun, attention etc)....so doesn't the lying still matter? Why not admit he was on it for fun? Do you not see anything wrong with a man willing to go to such elaborate lengths to lie instead of owning up when he had the chance, TWICE? You say you trust him, no you don't. You clearly WANT to and you want it all to go away and are willing to forgive, but you definitely don't trust him. How do I know? You say you trust him then at the end you say you'll never trust him 100%....

 

In any case knowing someone "loves you" when they are with you is one thing...knowing they love you when they aren't is another (ESP when you're long distance, knowing this and being able to trust them and be secure when they're out of sight is extremely important and you don't have that). It seems like your case is a case of when the person is around they are sweet to you and you named some behaviors like: he is good with your son, takes you out for meals etc...but none of that means someone loves you. They just do nice things for you or things you like. People can do this and not love you.Respect, honesty, consistency, trust are all a part of a good relationship and you don't have a good relationship when you admit you will never trust them 100% and when you have to excuse their lies, further someone who needs "fun and attention" elsewhere is someone you'll never be happy with because they clearly aren't all that happy with you or themselves....please look around the Infidelity forum, as there are plenty of people who end up with men looking for fun and attention elsewhere. Fortunately, you're not married to this guy so can heed the red flags now.

 

I don't expect you to break up on our account sazmac, but I hope you do seriously think about things for yourself and why you think this relationship is worth it when you've been given the gift of being shown some huge red flags already. Maybe you will over time require more and maybe in it's own time this will come to a head for you.

Edited May 22, 2014 by MissBee

[Michelle ma Belle]

2sunny

 

Other person... I have listened to everyone, Im not going to end it just because a load of strangers tell me to or think i should! I wanted advice, ive got it ive taken it on bored the rest is up to me! Your on here to give advice not to tell people what to do. Please dont patronise me.

 

I'm not trying to be patronizing but it's hard when you see a train wreck about the happen and you want to help stop it!

 

I didn't join this site to f*ck with people and get my rocks off posting ludicrous advice for heaven's sake. I sincerely care. I take the time to really consider each thread I read and if I feel I have something to contribute based on experience and wisdom, I will. I always pride myself on giving very thoughtful and heartfelt responses. Period.

 

You want to believe what you believe and that's fine. You have the right to do as you wish. I can only hope that we are all proven wrong and that your boyfriend is the upstanding and faithful man you believe him to be.

 

Good luck.

[The Like Fairy]

I'm pretty confident this guy is a liar and just using you for sex until something better comes along. He wasn't even contacting you much during the week. That means hes not that into you. Rent the movie. I'm so sorry.

[Leigh 87]

He INSULTED your intelligence. BIG time. And that is just the tip of the iceberg...

 

He treated you like he thinks you are STUPID. Since only a completely stupid woman would believe a guy who tells her that story about his online dating account being hacked.

 

Sorry but I am telling you the truth, you are being very silly, my dear, if you believe his hacking story.

 

He updated his account to his new location. Do you honestly believe he was on there looking for "friends"? And if he WAS, surely he would tell you the truth if it was no big deal and he had nothing to hide?

 

Instead, he made up a ridiculous story about his account being hacked.

 

Appalling. I am SO mad that this guy has lied to you

 

I wish you the best of luck! I HOPE he was only on there looking for new friends, my own boyfriend made a few friends online he still has on his facebook. Men not just women. He wanted to make friends during his time online.

 

Lastly; my boyfriend lives 4 hours away but he bends over backwards to spend most of his spare time with me.... He would also be happy to not have sex for months or even a year if I was unable to have sex. Because he loves me too much to leave me due to a lack of sex.

 

It is a real worry how this guy doesn't reach out to you during the week.

[Frank2thepoint]

Other person... I have listened to everyone, Im not going to end it just because a load of strangers tell me to or think i should! I wanted advice, ive got it ive taken it on bored the rest is up to me! Your on here to give advice not to tell people what to do. Please dont patronise me.

 

Well then, my advice is you should marry this guy, bear all his children, enjoy seeing him only on weekends, while he keeps you in the dark during the weekdays. You can show your kids pictures of him off of PoF.