whiteknighted Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I recently had to contact my ex after I got a letter in the post from my local sexual health clinic! The letter didn't give too much information away and I was freaking out so I had to contact him to see if this had anything to do with him or not (I've had a very small number of partners in my life and he was the most long term) so that I could at least make some sense of it. I figured if it was him it meant 1 of 3 different things: 1. He cheated on me when we were together and contracted something which he might have given to me. 2. He tested positive for something after we broke up but suspected I had possibly cheated on him when we were together and he'd caught it from me. 3. He contracted something either before or after we were together but thought he could slip under the radar by not telling me about it and leaving me to get this anonymous letter (this would have upset me as I would like to think he had enough respect to break NC to inform me about something like this). So I called him, and it turned out to have nothing to do with him. However, we ended up speaking for about 90 minutes, catching up on things in our lives, what was happening with our friends and family and never spoke specifically about the break up at all (the first time in the 15 months since we broke up that this ever happened in any communication we ever had). This was the first time we had spoken in 6 months. I was careful about what I spoke about and made sure not to "appeal" to him in any way; however, there were a couple of moments when he started memory-laning e.g. "remember when we went to X with Y&Z and they kept laughing really loudly and you and I were really embarrassed?". Was that breadcrumbs? It was definitely the sort of thing I avoided doing with him - I wanted him to be clear on where I was with my life and that I was passed the stage of wanting to chat about the specifics of our breakup through floods of tears! I should add, ever since the breakup he's done NC effortlessly and only ever responded when I initiated contact. In May last year he told me that I was right, he wasn't capable of being in a relationship right now and probably would never be again (but if he were, it's me he'd be in one with). Then in August he said he never meant to say that and should have added "if I still had feelings for you" to the end of that. I know he's been online dating since a few weeks after that meeting in August. I always suspected GIGS as a reason for our breakup (I've posted elsewhere) and I wonder if he's reaching a different stage of the process now. Not that I'd take him back after what he did, but there is a part of my ego that would at least like the opportunity to have some say in whether we got back together or not. P.S it turned out that someone I'd had sexual contact had tested positive for HIV (I didn't know until I went to the clinic to get tests done) and I suspect it was my very first partner (from almost 10 years ago).
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