Am I using the wrong dating sites?

[Spirit1985]

Which dating sites are the best? I've tried afew but not had much luck so far. I've been single 6 years and would like to find a boyfriend. The first few years being single were loadsa fun, but now I would like someone to share my life with. I've found that the free sites are full of sex pests and the paid sites are ok but the guys are alittle boring. I've signed up to so many sites now, so would like a good one but with a quick registration. Maybe I'm using the worng sites, I'm open to ideas.....please help!!

[gaius]

I don't think there's any one wonder site. Just takes a while sometimes before the right one comes along. =/

[David87]

How about you don't use sites for dating and instead go out more at coffee shops, supermarket, bars ect. As a last resort you can use facebook for dating, you can find lots of single guys who live near you.

[johnpatric]

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Edited May 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[giblesp]

Which dating sites are the best? I've tried afew but not had much luck so far. I've been single 6 years and would like to find a boyfriend. The first few years being single were loadsa fun, but now I would like someone to share my life with. I've found that the free sites are full of sex pests and the paid sites are ok but the guys are alittle boring. I've signed up to so many sites now, so would like a good one but with a quick registration. Maybe I'm using the worng sites, I'm open to ideas.....please help!!

 

You wont find a relationship on your computer. Look after yourself and your life, let a man find you. Learn to enjoy your own space first.

[PegNosePete]

It's not about which sites you use but HOW you use it.

 

I use POF which many people will say has a terrible reputation for sex pests, ONS, catfish, timewasters, etc blah blah until the cows come home. I've never had any of those problems. I've been on many dates and every single one of them has been good. Yes as a woman you will probably have a different experience to me but if you can cut through the deluge of sex messages (use filters) then there are good guys on there. How about hiding your profile and messaging guys YOU like? There are many strategies to make it work for you.

 

There's really no reason for a woman to use a paid site, when the tools you need to make the free ones work are all given to you- you just need to learn to use them. And if there's no reason for a woman to use a paid site then there's no reason for a man to, either.

[piggyoink]

Which dating sites are the best? I've tried afew but not had much luck so far. I've been single 6 years and would like to find a boyfriend. The first few years being single were loadsa fun, but now I would like someone to share my life with. I've found that the free sites are full of sex pests and the paid sites are ok but the guys are alittle boring. I've signed up to so many sites now, so would like a good one but with a quick registration. Maybe I'm using the worng sites, I'm open to ideas.....please help!!

 

if you have smartphone try:

 

Meow & Wechat.

[Spirit1985]

Thanks for all the suggestions guys, there's some really good ones. Ideally I'd like to find someone the natural wayand not via online dating, but I forgot to mention I work most weekends and 1 or 2 evenings. It seems like my social life is the oppostie to everyone elses. I can be free through the day but busy at weekends when most guys are free, I think thats why I'm relying on onlne dating so much. I stopped using dating sites for awhile, but have found myself reliant on them again as I felt I was lacking in male interaction.

 

I go to coffee shops sometimes and the gym but would never dream of approaching someone in there. On the odd night (when I get chance) I chat to guys, but its so nerve racking approaching a guy who is stood with all his friends. I'll try maybe one more free site and give it another rest for a while. Wonder how many people there are like me, I may look into creating a singles lunch/coffee afternoon, you never know........

 

Thanks again for all the advice.

[jbelle6]

Which dating sites are the best? I've tried afew but not had much luck so far. I've been single 6 years and would like to find a boyfriend. The first few years being single were loadsa fun, but now I would like someone to share my life with. I've found that the free sites are full of sex pests and the paid sites are ok but the guys are alittle boring. I've signed up to so many sites now, so would like a good one but with a quick registration. Maybe I'm using the worng sites, I'm open to ideas.....please help!!

 

 

I'm not an online dater at all, but I have met one guy I really liked on a site for a common interest we shared and hit it off. He's too far away but we still talk.

[ChooseTruth]

Match and okcupid are what seem to work best for me.

 

And it does matter how you use the sites. There are some really cool articles on okcupid giving stastics and such.

 

OkTrends

 

For instance, your profile pic should show you doing something interesting rather than a cleavage shot. Both will get attention, but only one will get you the right kind.

 

A lot of women get really frustrated with tons of guys that are obviously just trying to hook up. They'll put all kinds of notes in their profiles to send them packing. Make sure you include good info on yourself in your profile. Us guys look at a lot of women too and the nicer ones among us are genuinely interested in who you are. A picture with only "Message me if you have questions" will get ignored by guys who aren't spammers. We'll find someone that has an interesting profile to message. It's easier to message someone with a well thought out and interesting profile. There are more places for conversation to start other than the "WOW YOU'RE HOT" kinda BS that turns women off(at first ).

[d0nnivain]

What is the best site for one person may not be the best site for someone else. I would also be leery of someone who is on a lot of sites.

 

 

As others have suggested, look around IRL too. Perhaps try speed dating. Open your eyes at work -- who eats in the cafeteria when you do? Who is there every day when you get your coffee? Have you told family & friends that you are open to being introduced to new people?

 

 

OLD is simply one tool. It's not the holy grail of dating.

[BC1980]

I've recently tried Match for the first time. You do get a lot of BS, and you need to be able to week through it. I've gotten a ton of messages to the tune of, "Hey, here's my phone number if you want to text" and "Hey, wanna meet up sometime?" They were literally one line messages from a person I had not talked to at all yet. I simply deleted those.

 

I went on two dates with very nice men, but there was no spark there. Both guys were very nice, and I talked to them for a few weeks before agreeing to meet. I'm sure there are many more nice guys on Match after you weed through the BS. However, it is mostly BS. . . . just like in RL.

[Spirit1985]

I tried Match once or twice a year or 2 ago and found that the quality of men on there was better than some of the free sites. Someone told me to try eHarmony but it takes like 2 hours to complete the profiles and quiz thing, does anyone else think 2 hours is abit of a joke. I know they need the details to match and stuff, but thats abit ridiculous if you ask me. If I go back to the free sites I will try using the filters and see if that helps weed out the sex pests. I've got Okcupid on my phone but don't think I've tried it yet. I really don't want to rely on the internet to fine a relationship but unfortunately where I work is quite a lonely place with no cafeteria to go to- maybe I should change jobs, so I get abit more of a social life. My friends can't understand why I've been single so many years, tbh I can't understand it myself. Surely wanting a decent guy who doesn't want to play games and is honest, isn't too much to ask for. I don't like playing games (only the good sort), if the guys in the past were really into me they'd let me know, not let it fizzle out. I think some men act different on the internet, to how they would in real life. There's just so many options and different sites (almost too many) I feel overwhelmed by the whole thing. As I'm getting older I'm finding it harder. The type of guys I like aren't in my social circle and I'm too shy to start talking to a hot guy in the supermarket- his gf could walk round the corner lol.

 

Decisions...should I try another site or hang on in there with the hope of meeting someone the natural way!?!?

[Lernaean_Hydra]

OP there is no magic dating site, but I mostly good experiences on OkCupid. If you're really serious your best bet would be to get on a couple of different sites and cut out the really protracted "getting to know you" idle chatter via IM/texts a lot of folks like to engage in and be willing to meet up for a proper date soon.

Edited May 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Lalasita]

I never used a dating site once in my life. I think people need to socialize more face to face.

[Spirit1985]

Guys, I have exhausted alot of different avenues, hence why I've posted this question. There's no right or wrong answer I'm just looking for a wee bit of guidance because its been so long since my last relationship Let's keep the convo happy and upbeat!! I'm still smiling and I'm the one who's been single 6 yrs lol.

[angel.eyes]

Your experience will depend in large part on how you present yourself IMO, less on the site itself. Many of my friends are married to guys they met via OLD (various sites). I had a very positive experience when I did OLD. Everyone I met was looking for a LTR, which was what I sought too.

 

I spent time upfront making sure my profile clearly conveyed who I was and what I sought. I was on one site and active every day. Once I figured out a routine, it took me ten minutes online in the morning to glance through profiles and respond to messages. It doesn't have to be time-consuming if you're organized and focused. Most of your time for this should be spent on phone calls to screen and dates, not online. The site is merely there to make the initial introduction, nothing more.

[SadNLonley]

i really wish i had better luck online than I have. I just dont get it.

 

couple things i question

 

1. is there a number of photos you think is good. I have 5. Im thinking of dropping it to 3.

 

2. is it more important to talk about myself or what i'm looking for in a man?

 

I get alot of lookers, but not many messages and I dont get whats wrong. Im assuming the pics grab their attention, but does my profile turn them off or other pictures not so great? I know its a hard crowd out there, but it just doesnt seem to make sense.

 

I just shouldnt even pay attention to who looks at me because If they dont reach out then they are not interested.

[FitChick]

Cut and paste your profile text here and we will offer suggestions.

[Shaun-Dro]

Which dating sites are the best? I've tried afew but not had much luck so far. I've been single 6 years and would like to find a boyfriend. The first few years being single were loadsa fun, but now I would like someone to share my life with. I've found that the free sites are full of sex pests and the paid sites are ok but the guys are alittle boring. I've signed up to so many sites now, so would like a good one but with a quick registration. Maybe I'm using the worng sites, I'm open to ideas.....please help!!

 

Most dating sites, in my opinion are the same. But I'm curious to know what makes these guys boring as opposed to exciting?

[Shaun-Dro]

I've recently tried Match for the first time. You do get a lot of BS, and you need to be able to week through it. I've gotten a ton of messages to the tune of, "Hey, here's my phone number if you want to text" and "Hey, wanna meet up sometime?" They were literally one line messages from a person I had not talked to at all yet. I simply deleted those.

 

I went on two dates with very nice men, but there was no spark there. Both guys were very nice, and I talked to them for a few weeks before agreeing to meet. I'm sure there are many more nice guys on Match after you weed through the BS. However, it is mostly BS. . . . just like in RL.

 

I always hear about nice men with no spark . It's ridiculous but I'm glad I learned a long time ago that niceness gets a man nowhere with the woman he desires.

 

Of course, not saying a man needs to be mean, but his niceness should be done in spurts. It seems that a man has to keep a woman guessing just to get where he needs to get to. It's a hard-learned fact, but a fact for sure.

[Spirit1985]

Thats true, maybe I'm writing the wrong thing. I write alittle about myself and hobbies etc, things I like, travelling etc. I've heard you can get someone to write your profile for you and even take/select pictures for you- didn't think I needed that but maybe I do lol. A friend told me about an information app Queek'd (I think its called) that has profile tips, I might check that out first before I search for a 'real life' profile writer. I've just signed up to Tinder too and you can't write much on there so will see what happens. Anyone tried it? I've heard mixed reviews.

 

Rgd the guys being boring lol. I like older men, generally 34-45. I like older guys because I tend to find them more mature and can hold an interesting/stimulating convo. I like to talk alot about life and business etc and in the past most younger guys like to play games and stuff. I think guys between 20-30 have alot to get out there system, so I like them when they've been there done it...kinda thing. But the older guys I've found (that I liked) were normal run of the mill guys, work 9-5 go out at weekends etc, same thing week in week out, 1-2 holidays a year. That's great if you like that sort of stuff, but I like spontaneous random fun stuff. Normal bores me to tears. I no some people can be normal but its just not for me. My friends say I'm anti-normal lol. Maybe now you can understand why I'm struggling.

 

I don't think guys have to treat women mean to get their attention. I think if its the right woman she'll appreciate a guy for who he is. I have a friend thats really nice and he says the same, but I've told him to wait for the right woman- the ones in the past obvs haven't been the right ones. I'd love it if I met a guy that didn't play hard to get. I do completely no what you mean though, because if a guy ticks alot of boxes, but not all, then having a slight edginess that 'kept me on my toes' would probably keep me interested. Think it all just depends on the person. I think everything has to balance and click into place when you meet 'the one'. Finding someone at the right stage in their life, when you're at the right stage in your life is mega tough I think. I think this is way online dating is so hard. The jigsaw pieces just never seem to fit.

 

Sorry I'm new to this forum so not sure the correct way to respond to so many messages.

[Kid_Charlemange]

There seems to be a continuum of the sites, with eHarmony on one end of the curve ("I am looking for a spouse") to Tinder on the other end ("I am looking to have sex tonight").

 

Of course... people use Tinder to find relationships, and people use eHarmony for Hookups. I happen to think they are using the wrong tool, but hey...

 

In the middle are Match, POF, OKCupid, and some of the specialty sites like Jdate. Each has pros and cons. I happen to hate the POF interface, for some reason. And I find OKC to be most usable "free" site, as in, it doesn't make you pay to search or contact people, rather, paying gives you more tools. Which seems fair. Match (which is owned by the same company) is different and you have to spend $$ to actually exchange contacts with someone.

 

Now I went ahead and paid for "A-list" on OKC, and have used some of the enhanced search tools to try to figure out some trends. I would LOVE to be able to get into the raw data, but that's unlikely (and illegal!). One of the tricks I didn't know about was that you get a "rating" based on all the people that have seen your profile -- or, most likely, just your photo. And if you're A-list, you can filter out those who don't meet a certain rating level. At first I couldn't understand why some women would never even read my messages, let alone respond to them... then I found out about the filter, which means they weren't even seeing the messages (I'm not what you might call a George Clooney in the looks department Which was a valuable lesson: Don't obsess over the first contact message, because there is a good chance, at least in my case, that it's never even going to be read.

 

I don't know what the breakdown is between genders, but women I've talked to on that site tell me they get upwards of 50 messages per day. I get about three a week... Now a lot of those 50 are pure creepy, and while I've gotten a few "I make good wife you give baby" from eastern European mail-order-brides, those are few and far between.

 

I seem to have drifted from the topic... I would try OKC first since it won't cost you anything. See what happens. If it doesn't net you the results you want, try match, which has a bigger membership I believe.

 

Also, get out and meet people IRL. OLD is fine (I met my second wife on eHarmony 10 years ago), but it's just a tool. Volunteer. Sign up for kickball. Find interesting stuff on meetup.com. You never know!

[April Moon]

Hi Op!! I met my now boyfriend on OKcupid! I loved it! I met a bunch of nice guys. The only issue I had was that I got messages CONSTANTLY and I couldn't keep up... I know a bunch of women have this same issue. I also paid for the A list because they wouldn't let me see who ranked me high without it. I wish you the best of luck!!

[SadNLonley]

Hi Op!! I met my now boyfriend on OKcupid! I loved it! I met a bunch of nice guys. The only issue I had was that I got messages CONSTANTLY and I couldn't keep up... I know a bunch of women have this same issue. I also paid for the A list because they wouldn't let me see who ranked me high without it. I wish you the best of luck!!

 

 

Was A List worth the money? All you really get is to see who ranked you high right?