What to make of this? Is it a date or... just a friendly hang out?

[Teknoe]

For full background detail, the girl I speak of in this topic is the same one here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/458322-smooth-move-i-think-so

 

Long story short, 3 months ago I asked a coworker out. She gracefully declined with the "good friend" speech, and while things were slightly naturally awkward for a week or thereabouts after, things settled down and I think our work friendship even got stronger.

 

I texted her yesterday if she wanted to go to a game with me over this holiday weekend. She said "sure!" I bought her ticket, but she's going to pay me back (dutch). She also told me to meet her at her house since it's on the way (as opposed to my proposed meeting at our work company which isn't that much farther from her house).

 

Now, I must say, she is leaving the country for good in July. So unless she has a change of heart about me romantically, and I'm willing to do a long distance relationship, I don't think I should think too much about this outing beyond just two friends hanging out.

 

I will say I give her props and credit. She called me a good friend 3 months ago, and I honestly at the time felt that was BS. But, she's been really cool around me and with me... I genuinely feel she likes me as a friend, and in hindsight wasn't saying that just to be nice. And, in my experience, after you ask out a female friend, it changes the friendship forever. So for her to know that I like(d) her, and still want to hang out 1 on 1 is pretty cool in my eyes. Actually, this will mark the first time we hang out together 1 on 1.

 

My friend said "how cute" and that it is kind of "date-ish." But I think it's safe to say my former work crush hasn't had a change of heart, but is simply wanting to hang out at the ball park 1 last time before she leaves the country for good. Am I right to surmise this?

 

I don't want to oveanalyze here, though. I just wanna have fun hanging out with her this weekend. And hopefully I can be cool and just be myself.

 

I'd be ABSOLUTELY shocked if she ends up showing any signs of affection. Totally shocked. Unless somehow in the past 3 months at work she's been viewing me with different lens and sizing me up, so to speak. I've been acting the same with her after I asked her out compared to before. Is it possible once a girl knows a guy likes her, even if she says no, that she could keep a close eye on said guy and possibly warm up to him over a period of months? I wanna say part of me is hoping for that (and I genuinely would be willing to make a long distance R work if my partner feels the same way) but I know all this posting is also probably just late night rambling. She 99.9% sees me as just a friend and nothing out of the ordinary is gonna happen on the hangout. Right...

[Els]

If she gave you the 'good friends' speech (3 months ago is pretty recent), you're just hanging out IMO. Still, just go and have fun!

[Madrigale]

It's hard to say. I do give her props for being cool about staying friends with you, and I do think it's possible for a woman to slowly change her mind about a guy once she knows about his feelings (that was definitely the case with me once) so I do think it's possible, but it's also quite possible that she just sees it as an innocent "I want to hang out with my friend before leaving the country" opportunity. Personally, I would try to not set too much store to how she might be feeling. I mean, if you catch on to anything in her behavior that might indicate she's had a change of heart, then awesome, go for it....but don't go in with any expectations -- just enjoy the game and her company. Wish her well if it's the last time you might see her.

 

Good luck!!

[Teknoe]

If she gave you the 'good friends' speech (3 months ago is pretty recent), you're just hanging out IMO. Still, just go and have fun!

 

Well technically it's closer to 4 months now (early February) haha

 

The only thing I noticed is... since we're teachers our students have become reading buddies. So once a week I bring my kids to her room for an hour, or she brings hers to mine. I have been leading this, meaning I take care of the lesson planning and do all the work. She said the following to me the other week and it kind of caught me off guard... as I found it to be a very nice thing to say, and it really made me feel like a "man" and not just a "guy" lol.

 

She said:

 

"I trust you to take care of things tomorrow. You're a good leader"

 

I was actually speechless. It obviously wasn't "girlfriend talk" but it reminded me of something my ex said or would have said. Maybe in the past 4 months since we did reading buddies she's seen me in a slightly different light? I take care of my students and hers as well. She and I talk during the reading buddy program when we're not patrolling the room making sure our kids are staying on task.

 

Last week, she was sitting in my chair and one of my 6 year old students came up to me with a boo-boo. I kneeled to place a band-aid on his wound and patted him like "It's all right now." I think she saw that and I'm sure that didn't hurt her image of me. I didn't do the whole kneeling thing because she was there... that's naturally how I am with my students.

 

That's really the only thing I can think of (her seeing me through the reading buddy program). Actually, the other is since her rejection, I still have been very nice to her, and never held her decision NOT to date me against her. From what I can read of her, she has very high standards (I met her ex, who was incredibly fit, a guitar player, and admittedly a good looking dude) and seems to think most guys are scum. But I've been very cool and genuine with her even with the rejection. It still doesn't change the fact that I like her as a person and as a friend. Maybe seeing that she sees some sense of maturity to my character? I think she definitely feels "safe" for whatever that's worth. She seems to smile a lot whenever I bump into her or stop by to tell her a quick story or ask a question.

 

*shrug*

 

But I agree. Play it cool, don't expect anything, and just have fun living in the moment. One thing is for sure, I'm glad I asked her out in early February. I got my answer, so I don't have to worry about thoughts like "What if I" or "If only I had..." especially during this hang-out. Usually, I'd think of witty lines I could spew, or how to go in for a kiss, etc. Right now I feel relaxed and ready to enjoy a ball game with a friend whose company I've always enjoyed and will sadly miss when she leaves my work place. Work will not be the same.

Edited May 21, 2014 by Teknoe

[Teknoe]

anyone else have any 2 cents to throw to this topic?

[Assasda]

Right.

Youre her friend, and you taking her out to the ball park isnt gonna change that.

This post is a little sad

 

For some reason, I sense the Pedestal. I sense that she's been on the famous pedestal for a while and that you are willing to keep her there. Thats just what I sense by your writing.

 

Give it up man. Please, just see other women

[halfcrazed_i]

I think that you're reading a little too much into all this. To the point that you're putting way more meaning to her words than necessary.

 

So yep, I think you're pretty much just a friend. And she hasn't actually done anything to indicate otherwise.

[Els]

Sorry, Teknoe. I didn't want to burst your bubble, but I agree with the others that nothing in your posts indicate her wanting anything more.

 

I'm glad that you're going to go and not stress out about it though. It's good to have friends and to go out with them.

[Teknoe]

Thanks for the feedback, everyone.

I'll do my best to put her out of my "potential" box and just focus on having fun.