ThatGirl213 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Need advice on how to politely tell a guy one is not interested in him. Some guys are just persistent even after you tell them multiple times that you are not interested. I don't want to sound rude or stuck up but right now I not looking into getting into anything. Telling them I am not looking for a relationship right now or even telling them I am interested in someone else isn't helping. They still continue sending me poems, quotes and I miss you messages. How do you LSers deal with this?
Potz4prez Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Date guys who don't send poems, quotes and miss you messages? I can see why you're not interested... If you've told them multiple times, why not block them?
Author ThatGirl213 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 This made me laugh but it won't help...Most Caribbean men like their women big more than skinny. (I am from the Caribbean.)
somedude81 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 If you've told them multiple times, why not block them? That's really all you can do. ThatGirl213, If you've already told him you aren't interested, then you have to ignore him. BTW, I seriously hope you aren't friends with this guy or talk to him on a regular basis.
Author ThatGirl213 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 Date guys who don't send poems, quotes and miss you messages? I can see why you're not interested... If you've told them multiple times, why not block them? I am not interested coz I am recovering from a heartbreak. I want sometime for myself. I did not want to restore to blocking them coz I actually know them in person. I can see myself doing that soon.
ayala Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Tell them to back off and respect your space and decisions. If they can't then get someone to scare them away hahaha Seriously though, they need to respect your decision. Long as you're upfront with them and not sending mixed signals. 2
Potz4prez Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I am not interested coz I am recovering from a heartbreak. I want sometime for myself. I did not want to restore to blocking them coz I actually know them in person. I can see myself doing that soon. Did you tell them exactly that?
carhill Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Need advice on how to politely tell a guy one is not interested in him. I came to appreciate and respect the women who rejected me like this: "Thanks for your interest but I don't find you attractive in that way" As a response to my asking them out on a date. 2
MissionPossible Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I usually say: Thank you, I'm flattered, but to be perfectly honest I think of you as a friend. Seems to work - never had any trouble. 1
Author ThatGirl213 Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Did you tell them exactly that? Yes...funny thing, this one person agreed to be a shoulder for me to cry on.
Author ThatGirl213 Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Tell them to back off and respect your space and decisions. If they can't then get someone to scare them away hahaha Seriously though, they need to respect your decision. Long as you're upfront with them and not sending mixed signals. Never gave any mixed signals. Told them I am not interested but that isn't helping.
Potz4prez Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I usually say: Thank you, I'm flattered, but to be perfectly honest I think of you as a friend. I'd rather hear this. "Thanks for your interest but I don't find you attractive in that way" Than this. This sounds like she's saying you're not good enough.
somedude81 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I usually say: Thank you, I'm flattered, but to be perfectly honest I think of you as a friend. Seems to work - never had any trouble. NO NO NO NO NO NONONON!!!! ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MENTION FRIENDS TO GUYS YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN. You must cut the guy out of your life. Do not lie to the guy and say you think of him as a friend when you have no intention of being his friend. 2
J21 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 You've hinted and said you weren't interested, but he still doesn't get the hint. Anything else you say isn't really gonna draw your point across. Just ignore/block him. I know you don't want to resort to that but that's the only way for people like him. 1
soccerrprp Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 NO NO NO NO NO NONONON!!!! ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MENTION FRIENDS TO GUYS YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN. You must cut the guy out of your life. Do not lie to the guy and say you think of him as a friend when you have no intention of being his friend. I find that people who offer friendship to be very disingenuous and the offer, itself, insulting. If you really mean it, if you don't mind that he contacts you daily like friends would, if you don't mind that he calls, texts wanting to hang out like friends do, if you don't mind talking about dating, getting advice from you, asking for money, like friends do...then by all means, be a friend. If you do mind, then don't lie and offer friendship. 2
carhill Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 This sounds like she's saying you're not good enough. They were saying that I was not attractive to them. That could be construed as 'not good enough', sure! That's life! After hundreds of those kinds of rejections and thousands of similar, and not so polite!, rejections in business, it is what it is. Big world, next deal. I always found their honesty (the ladies I mean) refreshing. It served to immediately quench any attraction I had for them and thoughts of them were quickly dismissed. The first few times stung, to be sure! But that's how it goes if one is an average man, especially when there's a glut of them!
FitChick Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 "Sorry, you aren't my type. I'm sure you'll find a woman who appreciates you more than I would." "I love you like a brother/cousin/father/son." "I wish I knew a woman to fix you up with on a blind date. I'll let you know if I meet someone you might like."
MissionPossible Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I find that people who offer friendship to be very disingenuous and the offer, itself, insulting. If you really mean it, if you don't mind that he contacts you daily like friends would, if you don't mind that he calls, texts wanting to hang out like friends do, if you don't mind talking about dating, getting advice from you, asking for money, like friends do...then by all means, be a friend. If you do mind, then don't lie and offer friendship. I never lie. I always mean it when I say it and I have several male friends who I've said this to. They are usually great guys who I am just not interested in dating, so I tell them that, we move on and continue the relationship on a platonic level, like I said I've had no issues. It's not complicated. Both of my closest male friends (10+ years) have heard this from me at some point. Didn't seem to phase them and it just never got brought up again. I guess I don't see the problem. In the original post, this guy is already her friend and she specifically said she doesn't want to torpedo the friendship, so….seems like a good solution to me.
Author ThatGirl213 Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Some people take serious offense when you tell them no or offer friendship. They start to insult you and tell you things like you aren't good enough or sexy enough or whatever.
travelbug1996 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 This just happened to me. I never offer friendship since the reality is that if a guy is interested in me romantically he's not gonna be interested in just being friends. If he says he is, he's probably hoping somewhere down the line I will change my mind. I told the guy today I was thinking about getting back with my ex. This was after I rejected several calls and invites to dinner. Some guys just dont' get it. If a woman is not receptive to your interest and reciprocating, there is none.
ayala Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Saying you're not interested is different than "I don't want to date you" because "interests" can change. Not wanting to date someone is usually a pretty standard "No." That's how I see it anyway. If you want them to leave you alone, then you tell them to back off because you don't want to date them/don't want to go out/etc. If you want to just be friends and nothing more, then say so. Say you just want to be friends and have no intention of going out with them. You have to be specifically clear about your feelings sometimes. Otherwise some people won't get the hint and back off. If they start to insult you because you just want to be friends/say no, do you really want to be around them?
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Telling someone they miss you if you're not dating is a little creepy. In fact the whole situation seems creepy. Are you creeped out by this guy?
johnpatric Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 - Don't smile when he makes jokes. This can be hard because it may be hilarious. However, you can turn him off by showing you don't think it's funny. - Don't smile at him if he smiles at you. Give him a nod to be friendly, but nothing more. - Avoid eye contact. That is a huge signal for him that you're not interested, just as it is a huge signal to make eye contact when you are interested in a guy. If you accidentally make eye contact, look away slowly, but don't smile. - You could even go as far as to ignore him completely, but be careful. That can make you come off as a jerk, or deaf. - Flat out tell him you don't like him, especially if he told you he liked you (wouldn't recommend this if you weren't sure). That can be messy, however, and mean. - Tell him you have a boyfriend (you might have to lie); that way he knows you're unavailable. He may ask who, however, so keep a name and where you know him from in your head. - If a guy asks you out on a date, ignore. Or if you want to be polite, say "We should all hang out," and bring friends. - If he stops to talk to you, for example, after school, just say that someone is waiting for you and you have to go. - If you notice him looking at you while you are with friends, lower your voice and pretend to be talking about him or turn away. - Give him a compliment saying, "You really are a nice guy, though," or "Don't worry, there are plenty of girls out there." 1
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