Can't move on

[Cherryblsm11]

Hello everyone! I just created an account on here because I'm in need of some advice. My friends and family are tired of me making the same mistakes over and over and they no longer want to hear about my issues. I would like to see if anyone else is going through something similar that can relate!

 

I was divorced a year and a half ago (husband cheated). I was the the point of wanting to die when I moved to Hawaii to escape my issues (which it worked and I was able too move on). The bad thing is that I got into a relationship right away when I move here despite the red flags of this particular guy. He really screwed me up and I'm trying to move on.

 

 

We both partied a lot and time passed we really liked one another (so I thought) so we moved in. A month after we moved in he was already on dating websites and texting other girls. Most likely cheating as well from what I've heard from others. Weird thing is that I continued to take care of him and want to be with him. But the fighting got really bad and we eventually moved into our own pales after I became a complete crazy person and was constantly searching all of his stuff. He was also an alcoholic coming home at 5 am every night which was seriously disrupting my work schedule (I work HR and he works at a restaurant).

 

 

We didn't talk for a month but then started sleeping together again. I knew he was sleeping with other girls (I wasn't) but I still slept with him. He continued to hurt me by saying mean things but I kept going back. This whole time on social media I have become crazy comparing myself to these girls he's slept with. I even tried blocking him but that didn't stop me. He has done nothing nice for me ever so there's no reason for me to love him anymore. A couple days ago it happened again, but his time after we slept together he told me he was seriously dating someone and could never see me again. He claims he's become a better person & won't cheat on her. He met her while she was here in hawaii for 3 days and is moving now to be with her. She even has a child, which he said he never wanted. In conclusion I became crazy again and searched on Facebook and found out who it was. It only hurt me to see that she's very pretty and he seen sending her nice things the whole time he's sleeping with me. I got to the point of deleting my social media apps just so I don't go on and see this. It hurts me deeply that he never did nice things for me but is now in love with a girl he only met for 4 days. I believe I was a very good girlfriend. Anyways, I have committed myself to not talk to him anymore and I'm considering moving (have been for 6 months now).

 

 

Guess I just need some advice on why I'm acting this way? If I know we aren't good and he's mean to me, why am I still looking and obsessing over how he's moved on? I've also turned down several guys that have asked me out because I feel I wasn't ready to move on. This is nuts. If I can get over a 6 year divorce...why am I obsessing over someone who never really cared about me to begin with?

 

 

There's a lot more to him...he was married and I found he cheated on his wife too. Obviously this is just the type of guy he is right?

 

 

Advice welcome as to coping skills of getting my confidence back. I believe I'm very beautiful and I am very successful at my career in HR. You think someone with so many assets would be able to get over a loser quicker right?

[KaliLove]

I'm sorry you're hurting. But sweetheart..you are a DOORMAT. You DESPERATELY need help that Loveshack cannot give you. Please find yourself a good psychologist ASAP.

 

You're definitely co-dependent, I can tell you that right away. You say you think you're beautiful and successful but you obviously don't believe it..why don't you believe that you deserve better than this jerk?

 

Running away isn't going to change anything. It didn't the first time around. You'll still be the same person..your problems will travel with you. I'm not saying you're a bad person, just a troubled one.

 

My ex (not my most recent, a different one who I am completely over and who I hate) lives in Hawaii too..I wonder if that's him you were dating, hahaha.