Suzieee90 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] Ok I almost feel silly asking complete strangers for advice but I need to vent and need an unbiased opinion so here goes. My boyfriends name is Jake. Weve been together for 6 months. He liked me way before I liked him but I finally gave in and went out with him. I fell hard and quick, which is unusual for me and weve been inseparable for seven months. I trust him (do have trust issues though, with ANY man). However I am jealous at times. He is too. He had a female friend named Kaley that is our age and they used to be close, but since we dated, he spends all his time with me. Ive asked about her before and why they didn’t ever date and he told me at one time he thought about it, but looking back, he’s glad he didn’t. She isn’t particularly super attractive so I didn’t’ let it bother me. She has asked to hang out with him a couple times and hes declined. We had plans this evening. I asked him if he still wanted to see me (thinking of course hed say yes ) and he said “ummmm well (insert male friends name here) was wanting to go to the movies but idk if I’ll go but I’ll let you know” this rubbed me the wrong way! We had plans so yes Im pissed he would even consider hanging with them instead. Also, Im pretty sure Kaley will go too. There are four males in the “gang” and she is friends with all. One of the guys he sees ALL THE time. The other two he isn’t close with at all. He even told me the other day he didn’t care that much for them. Yet he wanted SO BADLY to go supposedly to see the two he never gets to see? I don’t buy it. I think shes going. I asked who else was going because I figured she was. He got mad and said I should trust him and that there were no females involved. However, I know Kaley has hung out with the other three guys all day because of pictures all over twitter so Im sure she will join them tonight too. Im just hurt. He wants to hang with friends, fine. He wants to hang with her (as long as there are other guys) fine. BUT TO CHOOSE THEM OVER ME? Not fine =( I acted mad and he said that me and him could hang out instead. I told him to go on. If we hung out then, I would just feel like it was because I’d run my mouth. Would this hurt you? Im so hurt inside. Im mad already and will be super pissed if I find out she went! I love him soo much but is this a reason to break up? He cant hurt me like this. Help me sort through these feelings? [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
todreaminblue Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 (edited) You have no tangible proof Kaly will be there and if she is it actually doesnt mean much...because wherever your bf goes there are women and girls around .temptation is always there in this world and one nighters are common......the devil you know has ways to rock the boat and influence relationships to fail.......if he wanted to cheat he would ....and will....if he isnt the type he wont.....you have to trust that he is not until it basically until trusting him slaps you in the face..which itmay never do.......if you dont have hope or faith in a relationship ....it is bound to end with someone getting hurt....so trust.....have faith and best wishes...deb Edited May 20, 2014 by todreaminblue 1
preraph Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Why did you ask him "Do you still want to see me" if you already had iron-clad plans for the evening? There is some reason for that. You must have known it was only a maybe, or why would you have given him that "out"?
ExpatInItaly Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 OP, a couple questions: 1) You say you had plans. I assume you confirmed them with him, and he knew what you two were going to do, correct? 2) How do you know this other girl is going to be there? Do you have solid proof, other than your speculation? If he knew you had plans and broke them, I understand being hurt. Of course. But I think this Kaley girl is a separate issue. You see her as a threat and this fear is manifesting itself in this issue. What bothers you, exactly? Is she flirty with your boyfriend? Does she try to distance him from you? Are you worried he's more attracted to her than you? I'm not saying you don't have real cause for concern. But it might be a good idea to reflect on how much is reality, and how much is a reflection of personal insecurity.
MissionPossible Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Wow, OP, you have some serious jealousy and trust issues. First off, I'm getting the sense that you expect your boyfriend to change his behavior because of your trust issues, which you freely admit to. This is your first mistake. It is YOUR job to fix your trust issues, not his. As far as I can see he has done absolutely nothing wrong. In any relationship it's healthy to have periods of closeness followed by periods of space, and it sounds like you're not "allowing" him that. Seven months is a good time in a relationship….the honeymoon stage is starting to wear off a bit and things get a little more comfortable. It's normal for him to want to reassert his independence a little bit, and if you want to keep this guy you need to a) let him do that - hell, SUPPORT him in doing that. And b) get your own hobbies/activities/interests beyond your boyfriend. It's cool to be "inseparable" in the early stages of a relationship but if you expect it to be like that forever, that smacks of codependency to me. You have no reason to be jealous - he's going with his friends, who cares if one of them is a girl? They've known each other for years and if they were going to date they would have done it by now. The most attractive thing you can do is be secure enough in yourself to know he's not cheating, then tell him (genuinely, no faking) that you hope he has fun with his friends. Then you go out with some of your other friends and have a great time. When you meet up later, he will have missed you a bit, and your trust in him will only make him want to be more loyal.
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