Csmith224422 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 The story is complicated - but I'll stick to the basics: This past year I had a gf that cheated on me and left me for her ex-bf. Even though the whole time she was telling me that she wanted to marry me. Fast forward a few months after that happened and I went to Brazil and lived there for a month. I met a girl down there who I became romantically involved with her and we became good friends. I left Brasil and we decided to remain friends and knew that nothing serious could ever happen cause of where we lived, but we were always still flirtatious and I'm scheduled to go back to Brasil for a week for the world cup and I was going to stay with her. Anyway, just yesterday she told me she just got into a relationship and I got mad at her because we were still very flirtatious talking about how we're going to have sex when I see her and all (maybe talking like this 2 week prior). Cause this is the world cup and all places are booked, she said that I could still stay with her and her family but that nothing would happen because she's with someone now. I was mad and said things that I should have said. Looking back, I was really mad because it reminded me of the situation with my ex-gf and how she played games with me. BUT this wasn't the case here. This girl was actually upfront and we were not in a relationship. I was unfair to get mad at her and say hurtful things. Anyway, I've apologized and asked that we should talk. How do I handle this best? I think I let my anger towards my ex, out on her and that wasn't fair. I'd like to make things right. Thoughts?
Chi townD Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 No, you have a reason to be upset in a way. She was flirting with you and even discussed having sex when you were finally going to be with her. Dude, that's cheating. (on her part anyway). You don't have to have sex with someone in order to cheat. (and if she was flirting with you and promises of sleeping with you WHILE she was with this other dude, still cheating) A good definition of cheating is saying or doing something with someone else that you wouldn't do in front of your significant other. I'm pretty sure her boyfriend wouldn't have liked to hear some of the conversations the two of you were having.
Author Csmith224422 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 She just got into a relationship like a day ago. She was saying this to me BEFORE she became serious with this other guy. These were convos we had 2 weeks ago. So I dont know . ..
Chi townD Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Okay...well. If this is the case, you can still be a little upset for her filling you up with false hope. She built you up about an exciting time with a beautiful Brazilian girl in the land where everyone walks around wearing thongs....and now, nothing.
Author Csmith224422 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 Haha yeah . .. but, her and I were also very close and good friends too. So now I feel bad. I said some hurtful things and told her that she was just like my ex by playing games with me (she knows about what happened) and that I regretted meeting her. I don't think she was playing games . . . I mean we both knew nothing serous would ever happen. Different countries and lives. I just feel bad because she was very close to me and now I think I ruined it. What should I do?
lauri Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Haha yeah . .. but, her and I were also very close and good friends too. So now I feel bad. I said some hurtful things and told her that she was just like my ex by playing games with me (she knows about what happened) and that I regretted meeting her. I don't think she was playing games . . . I mean we both knew nothing serous would ever happen. Different countries and lives. I just feel bad because she was very close to me and now I think I ruined it. What should I do? My ex was convinced she doesn't play games - but she does / did. I do believe people do not see their own faults / ignore them so they feel better about themselves. Flirting with you and another guy....sounds like playing the field to me.
Author Csmith224422 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 I'm not hurt! I just want to be friends with her! Her and I were not in a relationship.
lauri Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I'm not hurt! I just want to be friends with her! Her and I were not in a relationship. So why did you get mad that she is in a relationship with another guy? You should've been happy for her. 1
Author Csmith224422 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 I was being selfish that's why . . . . How can I expect her to not meet other people and have something serious. When I live in the United States and she lives in Brasil? It's not like we said we were going to maintain anything either. I was being selfish and silly. I should be happy for her.
movingonnow1 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I was being selfish that's why . . . . How can I expect her to not meet other people and have something serious. When I live in the United States and she lives in Brasil? It's not like we said we were going to maintain anything either. I was being selfish and silly. I should be happy for her. Hey dude...you obviously cared and you do wish you could be with her in the end for your OWN benefit while you are down in Brazil. That is not being friends. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but why should she wait around for you when she has an option for a guy who wants to be more serious with her? You should've been happy for her but you weren't because it interrupted your agenda with her. If I was her, I wouldn't want to talk to you or have you over at her house because I'd assume you have feelings and do not know how to control your anger towards me...considering you emphasized to her you will just be friends...you seem like you just wanted to have fun with no strings attached.
Author Csmith224422 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 You're right. I was being very selfish and it makes me feel bad. I should have been a better person and handled the situation better. I'm not saying that I should still stay with her or see her again. I do wish to apologize and express my sincere feeling of regret. How should I approach? I really feel like it was just that I thought about my ex and how she hurt me and those feelings just came up. It wasn't even anger directed toward my Brasilian friend.
Chi townD Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 No, but you were promised a good time and even if the connection you two could have had would have been fleeting, it could have been something special. And isn't that the foundation of a good relationship is anyway? That you're with your best friend? Okay, this is what I would advise you to do. Get on the phones and find somewhere else to stay, it will be hard but not impossible. But, do not settle for some out of the way place. Brazil is a rough country and Rio has some very unsavory area's. So, see what you can do. Once you set up shop down there. Call her, talk to her. Tell her that you've made accommodations elsewhere but you would like to see her just once while you're down there. That's about all you can do without making it awkward.
Author Csmith224422 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 That's great advice. Thank you very much! I found something by the way! Not too expensive and it's close to zona sul (in botafogo). I was very lucky given that its the world cup and all! The Brasilian girl really is a good person . . . and I know she meant well here and wasn't trying to be misleading. It was really my selfish desires and the fact that I just remembered my ex and the situation with her. I hope she forgives me and we can just be friends and I am happy for her . . . she deserves someone who can treat her right and be with her in something serious.
Recommended Posts